To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

And here you are saying no one should judge all while suggesting women who work ditch their kids with 16 year olds and don’t bother supporting their kids at school.

pot, kettle and all that..

We both work ft and neither of us had missed a sports day or a nativity yet?

I do all school drop offs and dh picks them up from the childminder every night at 5.

there’s no juggle there’s no stress. And the kids have both of us present for all school requirements, not only one of us.

All the Cooking and half cleaning are all my husbands jobs it's obviously more a problem in your home than mine.
Your opinion is becoming laughable.

Keep living in your own wee crazy world.

I had a fantastic time and didn't miss a minute of my kids upbringing shame you prioritised work over them.

I'll let you carry on with your narrowmindedness while I bow out and enjoy my Saturday night! 🍹🍹

None of those words were uttered by me.

I have respect for everyone's choices. Shame others don't follow suit.

Did your husband prioritise work over his children?

I much preferred being at home with my baby than putting them into a nursery, I’ve worked in early years and seen some baby rooms in them, I wouldn’t leave my dog in the care of four 16/17 year olds.

Those are your words. How is that respect for everyone's choices?

“I had a fantastic time and didn't miss a minute of my kids upbringing shame you prioritised work over them.”

What about your husband?

Also this: “I had a fantastic time and didn't miss a minute of my kids upbringing shame you prioritised work over them.” Even though her husband prioritised work over the kids lol.

I didn’t feel it was a sacrifice although I worked part time and and could take my son to the play group I worked at.
If you can manage financially without working I would not consider it a sacrifice but a privilege. Children are little for such a short time. Are careers really the be all and end all ? When we look back at our lives I don’t think we will view it as a sacrifice at all .

You wouldn’t have a house or be able to pay the bills if your dh didn’t have a career. How naive.

The thing is some SAHM love it but but kids do grow up. Also people have bills to pay I think if money was no object in life. Many things would be different

Are careers really the be all and end all ? When we look back at our lives I don’t think we will view it as a sacrifice at all .

This point gets raised frequently on threads like these.
I'm incredibly proud of my career and all I've accomplished. I will look back on my life, my career and all of the amazing places and experiences it's given me.

I'm also incredibly proud of my son.

It doesn't have to be an either/or situation.

Of course they were. Both directly and implicitly. You cannot demand respect for your choices while you look down your nose at others’. Well you can but it makes you look like a bit of a dick.

My issue is that it is generally only expected for women to sacrifice their careers due to how sexist our society is.

Sacrificing my career would absolutely not be a privilege to me.

Agree with this. Don’t know why doing something meaningful or successful or something you won’t wouldn’t be something you look back on and value. In general in society we celebrate people’s professional achievements, but once it comes to women looking back at their lives they are only going to look back at how much time they spent with their kids, everything else will pale in significance. It’s just rubbish. Especially as our children will play a smaller and smaller part of our lives the bigger they get. I mean we won’t love them any less or care less, but it’s part of life that they go off and make their own lives.

I never missed a single sports day,assembly etc mainly because I was in a senior position and could take time off during the day and catch up later
Flexible working must make that much easier

I mean I guess it’s even possible I’ll look back and feel proud of both my career and have happy memories of the time my kids were small, because the human experience can contain multitudes and going out to work doesn’t preclude me from doing a shitload of parenting.

Children are little for such a short time. Are careers really the be all and end all ? When we look back at our lives I don’t think we will view it as a sacrifice at all .

I reckon there's plenty of women of retirement age, using foodbanks, in insecure housing, not able to turn on the heat who wish they'd put a bit more time into their career.

That's what drives me (well, that and no choice as a single mum) - I want my kids to be able to do things now, without leaving myself impoverished once they've grown and flown the nest.

And I've made every sportsday/play/many matches, I've been there to drop of their bag when they've forgotten it. - and the only reason I could was I had a career - ie I'd been working long enough, was senior enough, that I can do that - women who dip in and out of work, who work around their kids at minimum wage stuff are doing all that work, and still don't have the security I do. It makes me so angry for them.

100% to all of this and women having to rely on an “allowance” from their husband 🤢🤢

I don’t get this talk about careers aren’t the behold for women yet for men it’s ok.. without HIS career SAHM wouldn’t have food on the table, house and bills won’t be paid. Then, what? It’s okay for men to have careers and work full time but for women it isn’t.

Also joint accounts aren’t everything especially when you split up! It’s so easy to empty out a bank account and redirect salary to a new account. Then, what will SAHM do? Not to mention offshore bank accounts that rich people use to hide income!

There is 0 point working minimum wage or working evenings, just for 3-5 years when women can improve their career, progression, get promotions and salary.

Especially with hybrid/remote working, I work 8-4 and do drop off and pick up minimum 3 days a week. 8-4 is pretty much school hours.

@rumun88
I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage.

See, this is what get me about threads like this. It's such a narrow view. Look at it all year round: you'll definitely be making more money than you spend on childcare. You only have one child in nursery anyway- the older one is just wraparound school care. Plus before too long you'll get 30 hours a week for the younger child funded for you.

It's absolutely not inevitable that women have to sacrifice their careers (I returned to work even when childcare for our children did genuinely cost my entire salary for years- because in the past there were no free hours) Women don't have to jack in their work life when they have kids... a decision you can make with your partner.

Of course most women work in a variety of roles and why on earth wouldn't they? It doesn't need justifying. Who cares if you work 8-4 or 10-6 or whatever? Nobody.

You just sound a bit silly going on and on about SAHMs and your projections just sound like insecurity. As I said, you really don't know who you are talking to on here. You don't know what their financial circumstances are; what their husbands do or don't do. You know nothing. Please stop embarrassing yourself.

sorry that was to @anonymousxoxo

careers are important- to be honest though you can be around for a few years when your kids are young and still have a stellar career. But if you never work at all you have missed out on a huge part of adult life.

im a single mum too. I think there’s a lot to be said for being self sufficient. I see so many women who depend on their husbands for things like driving and managing money and finances as if they are children. No thanks. I love being a capable adult.

The only people embarrassing themselves are the ones who think women who work full time don’t raise their children, don’t spend time with them, don’t value them but don’t apply the same things to their husbands.
Apparently gender is the only difference.