To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

Might I ask why OP's husband doesn't want to be a SAHD?

Look at it this way, the GP receptionist you could do in the short term ~ 1year. Then you will have NHS experience to perhaps move up a pay grade into something else that takes your fancy perhaps at a different NHS site/outside the NHS perhaps? If the admin route is what you want to go for then thats an ideal solution. Much more secure than waitressing in the current climate.

Your DH told you that children are your responsibility to look after and that your salary and career should suffer? No one I know would ever say or even think this. Which men are saying this? Most couples I know view their children as an entirely joint responsibility, and make a pragmatic and joint decision together about careers and childcare.

Have you ever considered that some women might actually want to give up work entirely or temporarily while their children are young? By blaming 'society' and 'men' you're taking away a lot of agency from mothers there..

Could you switch from nursery to childminder for a bit, as they are often cheaper? Then go back to nursery once you get some free hours?

It’s very easy to look at the income vs expenditure on childcare, however do consider pension’s contributions, having a gap on your CV, promotion prospects. Take the GP job and see how it works out, better than always wondering. If you haven’t already look at tax free childcare.

You could keep looking for different jobs. The GP ain't daft, they know summer holidays they tend to be staffed and can sack you after the holidays with no commitment as they say it was under trial.
It's the worst time to get a new job the summer holiday.
Why don't you go back to dental nursing?
Reception at GP is very hard, terrible sickly angry annoyed patients all the time. I'd enjoy the summer and go back to dental nursing in the autumn.

they tend to be short staffed in the summer as their staff are probably mums who want time off with their kids.

I think this should say how women with family responsibilities always have to sacrifice their career

How many women are caring full time for elderly parents at the expense of their career? While the brothers (if they have any) are trotting along on their merry way.

I'm a carer and my career has just stopped totally.

It's layers and layers of social conditioning that raises women to learn that women are soft, loving and caring; expects them to be loving and caring and then surround them with men that expect that too.

She doesn't want to be a SAHM.
End of.

To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career
massive generalisation, I don’t know any mums who have

id take the job - there’s more benefits like pension, sick pay, career progression etc. and the child care costs will reduce once youngest gets their free hours. And a bit more financial security for yourself

Are there any other cafes you could look to move to? I was a SAHM for many years, but I now work in a coffee shop 10-2 while the kids are at school. It’s £11ph plus tips (usually works out around £13-14ph depending how busy it is). I don’t have to pay for any childcare and never work weekends. It’s not at all what I trained for at uni but I really enjoy the social interaction and it’s not bad money towards the family pot. If I went back to my professional job I could never work these hours and would have to factor in childcare costs. Maybe look all around your area and see if there is a better cafe position until your youngest is at school?

Childcare providers don't stay strangers for long!

Nurseries don't raise children.

But they don't. You're making that choice don't generalise to everyone.

No one ever says it?? You live in a very narrow world if you don't think childcare is regularly only benchmarked against the woman's take home pay. Its happening in this very thread!

Isn't it better to be informed about basic topics before commenting? And yet here you are.

And yet posters on this thread, on a site mainly for women, are posting in support of the argument that the OP should sacrifice her career.

The trouble with the whole childcare thing is with so many couples it turns into a game of chicken - and women tend to lose that, because we don't want to let the kids suffer.

I held onto my career by the skin of my teeth while exDP's soared because at every point, he was prepared to ignore the children, leave the bedtimes and dentists and school runs to me to work around when I wasn't.

And of course it continues now we're exes - I do everything for the kids, he skips a visit whenever he can't be bothered, or he's 'travelling for work', but I have to arrange childcare for absolutely anything I need to do - whether it's work or getting my hair cut.

I would say that in my experience, childcare gets benchmarked against the lower earner's take home pay (which is not always the woman)

If you take the job, it will make life easier in the long term imo. There are so many threads on here of women struggling to get work after raising children because of the gap on their CV, putting them in a vulnerable position

I worked at a loss for 2 years. It sucks but I refused to sacrifice my career.

Your DH should certainly be helping with drop offs.

Luckily childcare such as a regular childminder or a nursery key person isn’t a stranger. We don’t just shove our children at randoms in the park and hope for the best.

Can you look for another dental nurse role even if it takes a little longer to get a job as it sounds like you enjoyed it and perhaps do a refresher course or top up your skills in the meantime?

It is challenging to maintain a job when a partner doesnt help with nursery drop offs and pick ups. Sometimes its because they dont want to help and sometimes the job they have just doesnt have that flexibility.

Forgot to add I mean my wages were lower than the childcare cost. The costs were of course paid for by the shared income pot.

I went back to work pt when DC were four and five months respectively and the cost of childcare took the equivalent of my wage for over two years.
It preserved my sanity, my skills, the power balance in our relationship and now 20 years on my pension looks great.
Take the short term hit. Think long term.