To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

The fact you responded with that shows how naive and uneducated you really are.

How the hell does anyone on here know what "men with SAHMs" do or don't do when they're not working? What are you basing this on? Oh, don't tell me ... threads on MN.

In case you hadn't noticed, this is not the bloody Hello Magazine. No SAHM is going to post saying, "Oh I just thought I'd let you all know, my DH is gorgeous and a multi-millionaire and we have an amazing marriage and look at my amazing lifestyle and how much money we have... " Can you imagine how that would go down? People only post on here when they have questions or problems with finances or their marriage or their kids or whatever. It's hardly a representative sample.

'The fact you responded with that shows how naive and uneducated you really are.'

Whzt would you know about my education?

And while we're at it, what would you know about India?

I’ve actually seen it happen in real life when I was growing up as a mother who was a SAHM and other relatives in my family. My mother and relatives are immigrants who had no choice to be dependent and SAHM. In India, they don’t like to educate women and female foeticide. They actually kill girls in the womb because they want a heir.

I was drilled into my head to be financially independent and get an English education (seen as high honour). So if I want to leave/divorce, I can take of myself and my kids - I don’t have to be homeless.

I was just shocked to see how many British women are willing to be financially dependent and facilitate a man’s career. Cost of living crisis and divorce is quite common these days!

India doesn’t like to educate women. They kill baby girls in the womb. They want a heir. Hence, my mother was uneducated and ended up on antidepressants because she was a SAHM. She and my other relatives told me to financially independent and not dependent on a man. Divorce is so common, women don’t have money to leave their husbands as they would end up homeless. Read about it online, you’ll be shocked.

We are also Indian / part Indian, but thanks for the homelessness warning. Never occurred to me.

The women I know in real life don’t see their career less than their DH’s, idk why so many women on mumsnet do! I thought UK was a first world country, empowering women and financial independence. Guess I was wrong.

That’s all you have to say? Says it all really! Anyway, I’m done bye.

Bye thanks again for the advice.

Awesome news, Op! Sounds perfect!

That’s fantastic. Glad you’ve found something that is a good fit. Congratulations!

Only if you don’t choose your partner/husband wisely. Thankfully my dh pulls his weight and isn’t a dick .

personally I much preferred being at home with my baby than putting them into a nursery, I’ve worked in early years and seen some baby rooms in them, I wouldn’t leave my dog in the care of four 16/17 year olds.

would much rather sacrifice working for a few years and be at home for my child.

anything can happen in life, my mum was left a widow at 31 with 2 young children, she worked her ass off with family support to make sure we didn’t go without. That’s what parents do, they make sacrifices .

So, why didn’t your dh sacrifice his career? Are you going to homeschool?

He didn’t sacrifice his career because I wanted to stay at home. He didn’t. Simple as that.

my children are older one has just graduated and the other is at university. Both went to pre school nursery, primary school and high school.

both children have also said they are grateful that I was at home, I didn’t miss a school sports day, or school show and if they were unwell we didn’t need to juggle childcare or school pick up and drop offs.

being at home worked great for us.

However I understand that it doesn’t work for everyone , maybe you should try and understand/respect others choices too.

I didn’t miss a school sports day, or school show and if they were unwell we didn’t need to juggle childcare or school pick up and drop offs.

I work full time and have never missed a show or sports day either.

The juggling of childcare and pick ups etc isn't really a chore if you're both on board and share it fairly 🤷🏼‍♀️

I work full time and I haven’t missed anything from school? Your husband chose to miss it. There is such a thing called flexibility. Men choose not to go for it, just like women choose to be funded.

I work full time and I haven’t missed anything from school? Your husband chose to miss it. There is such a thing called flexibility. Men choose not to go for it, just like women choose to be funded. Just admit you didn’t want a career and would rather facilitate a man. Be honest.

Shhh, don’t say that. It’s all up to the women, they have to protect the man’s big important job. Men choose to miss school things and child rearing as they’re not interested, they’d be just as happy if the kids were in childcare. They couldn’t care less.

The only young girl in my sons baby room is learning, she isn’t yet fully qualified. The rest are all older and incredibly experienced.

Some nurseries are better than others.

I have a career now but wanted to stay at home with our children and didn’t want them placed in a nursery as babies. I didnt want to miss a thing or have someone else caring for my own children. Why would We pay someone to look after our own children when we could afford for me to stay at home no benefits involved!
And no dh diidnt Miss shows etc as he made time to come, he just wasn’t there for drop off and pick up and he didn’t have some high flying career as he’s a tradesman,

we don’t all live for our work, some people want to be at home and care for their own children full time. And financially can do that. I know that may be a shock to your little narrow mind but open up your mind and live a little!

This is the point I always find quite funny. “Oh we didn’t have to juggle drops offs and pick ups” because the sahm did it all. In my world there is no arguing or juggling drop offs and pick ups or other commitments. Maybe that’s because we both actively want to do things and be involved with our children whereas when it’s one sahp it’s completely unevenly distributed and the father doesn’t engage as much.
My DH doesn’t see picking DC up as a chore or a juggle, he’s happy to get home from work and see his kids, a I don’t see it as a chore or something to juggle either.

if they were unwell we didn’t need to juggle childcare or school pick up and drop offs

I’m not understanding the bit about juggling school pick ups and drop offs. If one child is unwell and you need to take the other(s) to school then surely you need both parents - one at home with the sick one and the other parent to take the well one(s) to and from school.

Try and get a job with some prospects / promotion (civil service for example) rather than minimum wage jobs. I certainly didn’t sacrifice my career when I had kids, yes it was tough but they aren’t young forever.

Also didn’t miss a sports day or parents evening. I have a job that allows parents to attend, now mine are older and it’s my team I always tell my staff to prioritise their family. I know they work hard so if they want an early lunch to watch an assembly or sports days that’s fine as I know they will make it up. Happy workforce

Live a little by being satisfied with cooking, cleaning and laundry? I didn’t miss a thing either.