To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career

They don't have to. They really don't.

I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am.

You make it sound like its your responsibility to get both kids to school and nursery on your own before you start work. If your husband is working from home one day the 6 year old doesn't need to be in breakfast club by 7:30, your DH can drop them both and you can split the other days in a way that makes sense.

The main thing here is you and your husband are viewing the kids as your job whether you work or not and that is where your problem comes.

We do what we have to do - no family support, 2 kids - one in school and one in Full Time nursery - we save year round for the holidays. We haven't had a week off together except Xmas for 3 years.

Both work FT, 5 weeks annual leave a year each and otherwise they're in holiday clubs and nursery, however - my career has absolutely not suffered and since having the first 7 years ago I remained in FT work and have now doubled my salary - DH has also improved his too.

Might I ask why you don't want be to a SAHM?

Take the job, use the probationary period to see if you like it enough to stick it out until youngest qualifies for 15 funded hours next April. If not, there will be other cafés.

Mum's absolutely don't have to sacrifice their careers, I haven't, loads of my colleagues and friends haven't.

You probably do need to earn above a certain level to add to the pot when the dc are very small, and at minimum wage you're probably not going to do that.

Can you retrain, do some courses etc? The stuff that's available free now is huge.

It’s so hard! If you’re DH is happy to cover the costs I would say take the GP receptionist role!

You said you’d love to, and it may bring in opportunities to do more hours / promotions for better pay. Think of it as an investment in your career (and also something to make you happier, which in turn will benefit your kids).

Good luck with your decision!

They don't.

You take the short term hit on wage v childcare, knowing that it's only for a few years. In return you get evenings and weekends back, a long term career path, and, when childcare costs reduce, a decent chunk towards family income every month.

Women are allowed to have personal choices. I didn't want to be a SAHM because I love my job AND my child. Just like men are allowed to.

OP take the receptionist job. In the long term it's a better option.

It’s only for another few years and then once both are in school full time you can go back to work full time.

Some people might say take the receptionist job but if you’re not making any money, I wouldn’t bother.

Keep the cafe job. Yes the weekend is a sacrifice but your earning some extra money.

Just absolutely hate how some people internalise being the default parent, in the line for ensuring childcare needs are covered.

And how their partners just let them get on with it.

In the early years isn't it better for children to be raised by their mother instead of a stranger?

What's better for child development?

@Lambiriyani I was a SAHM until my eldest was 18 months, and if I'm honest my mental health took a dive. I'm just the kind of person who needs to be around others I think and be part of a team.

Thank you all for your advice! It's really appreciated.

This.

OP why did you give up your dental nurse role? Did your DH consider giving up his job?

If you take the GP job is your husband thinking about how he can bring in more money?

I'm going to guess that he (and you) view the children as your responsibility and he just gets to carry on as usual

They don't. You have sacrificed your original career, I assume, to allow your DH to prioritise yours. Now you can only get minimum wage jobs. That was the choice you two made, to sacrifice your earning potential when you had kids.

I never left my career when we had kids and earn almost double what my husband does now - if anyone needed to give up work it would be him.

No.

Also, the OP doesn't want to.

@Luxell934 this is where my mind keeps going.
I bring home £700 minimum in this job.
Receptionist I think will be around £600 but then there is the childcare hit. Part of me is thinking short term pain, long term gain? I don't know. Im so torn and time is running out before I have to tell them either a start date or that childcare is more of an issue than I had factored.

I apologise for my remarks.

Surely if you only work 2 days a week you can’t be bringing in much money either? Do whatever is best for job security and career progression. You don’t want to be working a min wage job when you split up

@Nordicrain dental nursing I would never have earned what DH does, the best paid ones in my area are on about £14ph, which don't get me wrong is decent but it doesn't match DH's wage. In hindsight I'd have gone back to dental nursing but it's a wonderful thing is hindsight isn't it, and the practise I worked as has just been closed down so I may have found myself in this position anyway.

@Lambiriyani no need to apologise at all but thank you x

@Yeahyeahno they're both minimum wage really. Current job I get 10.42 + the 12% holiday pay top up with it being zero hours. Receptionist job is £10.47, I guess it obviously does hold more opportunities for possible pay rises though.

When we had kids, DH earned more than me. I still stayed in work.

Look, I'm not saying it's easy or always makes the best financial sense. But ultimately it's a choice. For most women the "short" term financial hit to the family is worth the longer term earning and career potential. But society (and men) tells us that children are our responsibility and therefore our salary (rather than the family income) is pitted against it. It would be interesting if we looked at men's wages the same.

@Yeahyeahno I bring home £600-£800ish depending if I do extra weekend cover or bank holidays etc.

Do both - then quit one once you know how you feel/if the receptionist's job can give you more hours.

I wouldn’t take the job if it meant you weren’t earning any money, and especially if then your husband would have to top up your wage to pay for the childcare too. It wouldn’t make financial sense as a family. Your family income would actually be less than if you weren’t working at all. The only way this would work if it’s the job of your dreams and could see yourself doing it long term, and also if you can afford to loose some of DHs wage and still be comfortable.