To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

Yeah, and what about the father @Lambiriyani ? Or does it HAVE to be the woman who does it?

It was a nursery in a private school with excellent ofsted. I’ve also worked in a popular uk chain of crèches and the situation was the same. I’ll be honest with you I don’t think babies ‘belong’ in nursery no. I don’t think it’s the best place for a baby when they can’t talk or walk. I understand many have no choice but IF there is a choice it’s always best for a baby to be with a parent.

Childcare costs don't last forever. Once they're at school it starts to get better and when they're teenagers you will actually notice the pay. I would think about what you prefer doing and what gives you the most satisfaction.

- so we pay a ridiculous amount on nursery (2k a month) we can't have a 2nd child until this ones in school cus we simply cant afford 2 at nursery! it sucks cus id like another one soon - but have to be realistic

Maybe you should look into getting a better paid job then.😂

“Mums” don’t “have to” do anything.

In the 21st century, having children is a lifestyle choice. Emphasis on the word “choice”. It isn’t compulsory, and many people make different and equally valid lifestyle choices.

Having made that choice, parents then need to plan, adapt and organise their work lives to accommodate their childcare responsibilities as they see fit and find solutions which work for them and their families.

I don't find it to be a ball ache at all. It can be difficult at times but it's worth it.

Plenty of memories can be made with both parents working too.

@Mumtothreegirlies do you not see your privilege here? You've been able to have 3 children and be a SAHM to them, happily.

I'd love a 3rd child but cannot afford it - we have a mortgage and household bills which require our joint incomes, DH and I earn very similar salaries to one another and so he couldn't fund my not working, nor I his. We waited 4 years between kids to ensure only one set of childcare fees at a time, Instead of putting other women down for their lifestyle choices maybe realise that others have to make decisions based on their own circumstances, be that fewer children, childcare or not.

All part of having kids is only working around your husband?? Is it though??

What a ridiculous outlook! What did I even read. Mind blowing that women can think like that in this day and age.

I didn't sacrifice my career. I'd spent years working hard and building it to the point I had, there was no way I was giving it up when I had a child. Sure it's a lot more challenging managing childcare as well, but there wasn't much option as I'm the main earner in the household. Besides, I love my job.
Everything is a choice, some are more difficult than others. Go back to work, or don't, but own your decision.

OP could you go back into dental nursing?

Since Covid there is a shortage of qualified nurses and in our area at least hourly rate is going up as demand far outstrips supply. As many dentists/hygienists are female, they have the same issues and you may find a job with half days/school friendly hours?

memories can be made sure but I wouldn’t have been happy only seeing my baby at weekends and for an hour after work. But mine slept in my bed and Breastfed so it’s hard for me to picture doing it any other way.

You made your choices, OP, society didn't make them for you. No doubt sitting at home with your little one was much nicer and less stressful than juggling work and childcare. Which is why initially staying at home is tempting. In hindsight, that was a bad idea and it wasn't as fun as you thought. That's fine, own your decisions and move on.

Childcare is only 50% your financial responsibility. You are giving up years of working experience which would have brought you a higher salary now. Don't waste time thinking about the past, make the decision to go back to work and build a career. But it's not society's fault. Yes, there is more pressure on women than men. But you are a grown woman with agency.

I'd take the job OP.

I worked at a loss during the summer holidays - and I'm in the US so that was nearly 3 months of holidays.

But I put money in my pension pot, improved my skills, gained independence.

It also meant that DH had to be an equally responsible parent who didn't just assume someone else would do everything for the kids, house, etc.

Eventually as a result of sticking with my career I was able to go freelance, work from home, choose my hours, choose my clients, and charge much more per hour.

Get an evening job in a hotel or a pub that fits in with your husband being home.
if he’s willing to pay childcare then why work at all? I’m all for women having independence etc but it’s a ball ache and let’s face it you’ll still be expected to do the majority of household things.
all part of having kids. Before you know it they’ll be grown and the world will be your oyster again.

Good god....

And the world isn't always your oyster if you can't get back into work after such a long break is it?

You know you can have a career and still breastfeed and have your baby sleep in your bed, right?

If you worked for a loss you were completely finically dependant on your husband anyway though during that whole time...

This only works if it's a proper career though, not a minimum wage job in my opinion. and theres nothing wrong with a min wage job but they aren't few and far between.

By 'good childcare from whoever provides it' I include parents and grandparents as well as nurseries and childminders.

It sounds like the place you worked was pretty dire.

My kids are in their late 20's now, DH and I both worked FT.

Our DC are happy, successful and have no complaints about the way they were raised.

(I just asked one of them who said she finds some of her peers brought up by a SAHP are mollycoddled and 'a bit weird' 🤣 - her words, not mine).

I'd be miserable as a SAHM so definitely not best for my baby. I've never co-slept and didn't breastfeed either.

No it’s called delegating jobs. It’s how we chose to do it. My husband never had to worry about what to cook for dinner, whether the babies had clean clothes etc, that was my job and I never had to worry about a bill or deadlines at work, that was his job. I don’t see what’s so bad with opting for this way of life. It’s a personal choice and I’m no less of a person then you just because I took a break to care for my own children.

That’s fair enough. We are all different and we all have to do what’s best for our families.

OP I wouldn’t be a GP receptionist for double that wage. It’s an awful job, patients are often vile to you and most of the general public slag you off. As a GP of 25 years I’ve seen so many reception staff broken by the pressure. Some can handle it, and they stay for years, but only the very very strong ones. Many can only survive a few months. And the only career path is into an admin role in the surgery - which is great if you can get it - but there’s a lot of competition for those jobs.

I’d try and get back into dental nursing if I were you. And stay at the cafe in the meantime.

So think a person who’s mother stayed home until they were 3 is mollycoddled? That’s bizarre

It was only during the holidays that our childcare costs outweighed my take-home pay, not the whole time.

My argument wasn't to dismiss OP's feeling. It was more of a "what's best for the child's development"

https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/childrens-bmi-tends-to-be-higher-in-homes-where-both-parents-work-new-study-finds/

I think we can have a discussion on this without diving into insults. I don't think I was rude to OP

You can’t breastfeed if you’re at work all day. How can your breasts be in 2 places at once??