To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

A mother that is mentally well is better for a child’s development. Not all mothers want to stay at home and for some it would be very detrimental to them. I am one of those. I’m also not a childcare professional. I pay a childcare professional to teach my daughter all sorts of things I wouldn’t think to teach her and to play with her in all sorts of ways I can’t even imagine. I’m in total awe at what she learns at nursery. She’s developed so much thanks to nursery.

To answer the OP, women don’t have to sacrifice their careers but it means looking at childcare costs as a family cost, not just out of your wage. It also means having an involved partner. There are times when I need to be more flexible than DH but there are also times when he needs to be more flexible than me. He earns a significant amount more than I do but my career is just as important and this is our shared child.

Or father.
And what's better for child development is happy parents.

I have a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old and have worked full time throughout. My husband briefly went down to four days a week, now back up to full time. Neither mums nor dads HAVE to give up their careers.

That said, the price of childcare is undoubtedly prohibitively expensive and makes it more difficult for parents to work.

I guess she already sacrificed her career leaving her dental job so no one is suggesting that. The issue here is should she work a stressful minimum wage job for NO money, well actually they would be losing money from the combined family pot if her husband had to cover the extra costs. I say no, keep the Cafe job, sacrifice the weekend day until both children are in school. There will always be minimum wage jobs, no shortage of those around.

Unless DH is making so much money they would be comfortable no matter what and then it would be up to OP if she's willing to do it.

I would take the receptionist job. The early years (in my opinion) flash by and before you know it they can get free hours at nursery and then start school.
It might be a financial hit for a while but it will give you more family time on weekends, which will be a massive benefit when both children are at school.

I do get it. Sometimes the huge amount of effort in organising everything, plus the childcare costs just makes you think what’s the point? We’d be better off as a family if I didn’t work, or worked very limited roles basically.

I would think you’d be better off looking at part time dental nurse work. Maybe it’s just my area, but dentist surgeries always seem to be advertising for staff. Make your DH responsible for some of the childcare juggling. Yes you might earn essentially hardly anything for a few years until your youngest is done with nursery, but you’ll be doing something you say you enjoy with hopefully some option of advancement in it. And contributing towards your pension.

I have never sacrificed my career.

Yea you have to take a hit on childcare costs but it isn't forever

Childcare is a family expense. Not your personal expense. Mums don't have to sacrifice their careers unless they want to.

Get an evening job in a hotel or a pub that fits in with your husband being home.
if he’s willing to pay childcare then why work at all? I’m all for women having independence etc but it’s a ball ache and let’s face it you’ll still be expected to do the majority of household things.
all part of having kids. Before you know it they’ll be grown and the world will be your oyster again.

No, he didn't. I wouldn't have married a man like that of course.

I didn't mean it literally, as in men are saying "childcare is your responsibility as a woman" (although I bet some do). But they are saying it, by prioritising their own careers and encouraging women to stay at home.

Maybe they do want it. Maybe it's what they feel they should want as they believe it's what mothers should do because that's what our society tells them. But they pay the price. As we can see if OP. And so does society and other women because it perpetuates the gender gap and domestic allocation of work according to gender stereotypes.

I refused to sacrifice my job. I think I've got a good 'un with DH but I've read too many mumsnet threads and know the rug can get pulled out from under any mother who takes the hit for the family.

Not gonna lie, the first year after maternity leave my salary covered the rent, the childcare and a weeks worth of grocery. We were so broke and stretched.

But now years down the line, DH got unexpectedly made redundant with a paltry redundancy, he also has some current health troubles so is currently very limited what kind of jobs he can apply for and I'm so glad I stayed working. I'm on 10k more than I was back then, we've pooled childcare with another family so we don't pay that bill any more, and while we are pretty broke again, I'm not all that worried because my salary will just about cover us if we are careful.

Exactly this.

Having happy, fulfilled parents and good childcare from whoever provides it is best for child development. Hth.

Why did you go back to work part time ?
Was it financial reasons or for your sanity?
If not financial then h would be keeping the house anyway so maybe try looking at it differently . Whatever the cost to your h for extra childcare equals your happiness.
If you had a very well paid career at the time of having kids and it was you staying home your husband would have had a lot more to pay in childcare had you returned to this career . It’s a bonus the family pot has had all the while
you have been a sahm.

what’s more important to you ?
Working and being with the kids part time and more money to spend
or a job with prospects , less time with the kids and less money for a year .

I get that these things are important but I think it’s a very reasonable thing to have a gap on your cv that says I took a break to care for my children, and as an employer I would never see that as a negative. As for pension contributions is that not a joint thing too? If a couple decides to have a child a Couple of years of no pension contributions is a small sacrifice to make to be with your baby and as far as I’m concerned when you retire your pension pots are joint just as your accounts were before you retired.

sorry to hear you're struggling again @Turfwars you have seen the other side once before and know it can come again. We're just coming out of the end of the FT childcare fees and have been so stretched for the last 2.5 years, there's credit card debts etc from where we've not had the spare for a new washing machine or car repairs but - as of September our £1200 a month childcare bill reduces to £300 a month, the other side is in sight. It has been a tough tight couple of years - which we knew were coming but in practice have been hard, and yet still neither of us considered dropping out of work to counter it.

It depends on the child and the childcare provision they’re in. When I worked in childcare it was mixed bag with many children deeply unhappy and some not bothered at all. A lot of parents don’t realise or even consider how their children are feeling deep down, and because those children have spent their lives in childcare they’ve learnt to self sooth and not bother their parents with the truth, and on top of this the parents are too busy with their careers to even notice.

Women having independence is a ball ache? Really?

eh this isn't true at all. it's your reality because your husband happens to be the higher earner.

But in reality you could have gotten a better paying job before you had children and had more money to pay for childcare - but you chose not to and that's absolutely fine too!

Early years is just a few years though so I personally think its worth working and paying a lot on childcare - it might feel pointless as you are only bringing in so little to the pot - but its worth way more - your pension - not having a gap on your cv / not dipping out of the workforce. what if your husband left you - then you'd be really screwed if you didn't have your own income

you will be in a way better position once your kids are in school and can work more then.

loads of people have no family help - i don't they all live in a different country - so we pay a ridiculous amount on nursery (2k a month) we can't have a 2nd child until this ones in school cus we simply cant afford 2 at nursery! it sucks cus id like another one soon - but have to be realistic

id take the job you'll be glad in a few years that you did

You already said on a different current thread though that they basically did the bare minimum to get through the day. The nursery you worked at doesn't sound decent at all.

You also clearly believe that babies don't belong in nursery so there will be some confirmation bias too.

I’m all for women having independence etc but it’s a ball ache and let’s face it you’ll still be expected to do the majority of household things.
Good lord.

No it’s ball ache having to arrange childcare, worry about what if your child’s unwell, worry what to do in the holidays, burden family with needing help, worry about deadlines and meetings whilst also trying to be a good mother and think about your child’s needs too.
I don’t see the break I took looking after my babies as losing independence personally. I see it as a chapter in my life with lots of happy memories made that I look back on fondly.

Yeah you are right. Women should stay in the home where they belong. Wouldn't want to cause all those hard working husbands a ball ache.

But in reality you could have gotten a better paying job before you had children and had more money to pay for childcare - but you chose not to and that's absolutely fine too!

How fucking patronising and quite insulting to all the carers, cleaners, teaching assistants, retail workers and all the other under- paid workers out there.

What if their mother is fucking useless?

Why assume that idiots miraculously become god-level child-rearers just because they've given birth?

(Not implying that the OP is fucking useless, obviously, before anyone dives in!)

Nothing whatsoever wrong with not wanting to sacrifice your career/life to staying at home with children.