To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

[rumun88]

I have 2 kids .. one 18 month old and a 6 year old. I work in a cafe for an estate, one week day and one weekend day and there's no flexibility in that I have to do a weekend day.

I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage. DH will cover it, but part of me is thinking what's the point when it means I'm not bringing any money to the pot technically. I'd also have to have both kids in different childcare settings which are opposite side of town by 7.30am. In my current job he works from home the 1 week day and is home the weekend day so no childcare.

So I have the choice, take the new job and get my weekends back but don't exactly earn, keep my current job and work every single weekend.. or be a SAHM.

Please help. I could cry! I was a dental nurse before kids and again childcare was an issue. We have no family support.

What would you do?

Oh and then my well paying job paid for a cleaner and allwoed us to prioritse quality time together. All SAHMs I know irl seem to spend hours cleaning for some reason!

Lambiryani

Mums who work are still raising their kids.

HTH.

The average job is 9-5 so assuming you commute you’re not home till 6. Then you have dinner and baths and household chores to do

The working world has changed!! I work f/t and DS gets picked up at 3pm 2x a week and generally before 5 the other three days.

I work. I also raise my children.

The average job is 9-5 so assuming you commute you’re not home till 6. Then you have dinner and baths and household chores to do. Unless your baby is up till midnight you’re only going to have realistically 1 hour tops of quality 1 on 1 time with your baby.when I went back to work full time when mine were 3 I rarely saw them in the week.

Well thats your experience, it wasnt mine.
I started early and finished early and did some days wfh so no commute. Dh started late & finished late also some days wfh no commute. The kids were with a parent a lot of the time in the week.

You seem to be pushing your view so much, it's unnecessary and I'm starting to believe you do protest just a little bit too much. If you're happy with your life, and working at your "well paying job" and your family is happy then thats all that matters! Some people are happy being stay at home mums too though!

OP, I could be totally wrong here, but are you possibly thinking that this receptionist job is a way to avoid being home with your kids over the summer holidays?

Dragging your kids out of bed every morning to drop them in two different childcare settings on opposite sides of town; then rushing on to work in a reception all day for no actual financial profit for the family; then off to pick them up from two different settings again... it sounds miserable. Not only for you but, far more importantly, for them. The little one is only 18 months! Why do all this when you could have a great time with them at home over the holidays? Would your children choose to be in daycare 5 days per week? No.

Sorry if I missed it OP but what does your partner do? Why is this all on you?

I'm very happy thanks.

I am just sick and tired of women implying that other women that they are shit mums becuase they aren't with their kids 24/7 based on some very strange assumptions about working parent life (interesting almost always comign from SAHMs who support their partners in their careers and allowing them to be absent parents). I would wager that my work life does not look like that which you are supporting for your "providing" husband.

Norestguests
You know some people enjoy working right? Like they enjoy their job

Nordicrain
Amen

My kids get at least 50% of each working parents time. How is that worse than 100% of a sahm's time combined with 0% of their busy DH and his big job?

@norestguests why is it OPs responsibility to drop off both kids and pick both kids up? Do they not have a second parent in the form of a father or something??

Do men work to avoid being home with their children or does it only apply to women?

OP might enjoy working too. There's also the fact that childcare doesn't need paying for forever so financial profit would happen eventually. Not everyone works only due to financial reasons.

I don't need to work, I want to work.

I'm sure some people do enjoy their jobs. I'm also sure (most) children enjoy not being packed off every day in the summer holidays and years on end. What matters more?

Of course some women need to work and I am not criticising them one bit. For others, the money makes a difference ti the fdmily si irs a cost/ benefit analysis. But to choose to have your kids in childcare all day, for no extra financial gain (in family terms), just because you 'enjoy' your job - er, no.

I don't have kids so I'm not "supporting anything from my providing husband"?

Personally I don't like the people either who come on these threads and say bullshit like babies don't belong in nurseries they belong at home, and I'm someone who has worked in nurseries for years. If having your children in nursery is what works for your family then thats your personal choice.

but some people want to stay at home and be there for the first few years. They shouldn't be shamed for that either, and some people on minimum wage can't afford nurseries so if they have to be supported by their partner for a few years then so be it. As long as their names on the mortgage, it's all good.

I'd be miserable as a SAHM. How would that be beneficial to the child? I also don't know of any child that is ''packed off'' every day in the summer holidays.

Er, YES. Quite frankly my dream is to win the lottery, keep the kids in childcare (albeit not like 7-6 daily) and quit my job. I’d swim, read, write, paint, garden, gad about and do all manner of fulfilling things that I can’t do with a baby on one hip and a four year old hanging off the other leg going “I’m booored I want a snack why aren’t there any animals in space can I watch Cocomelon yuck I hate spaghetti”.

The latest In Pursuit of Clean Countertops newsletter shared something that is really good on this, from Is My Kid the Asshole?: that childcare gives us breaks to recharge, which makes us better and less snappy, more present parents when we are with our kids. It’s a good read:

https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/p/the-motherhood-fallacy-of-self-sacrifice?utm_source=substack&publication_id=236307&post_id=132769668&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&triggerShare=true&isFreemail=true

Here’s a few ideas, none of them help now I’m afraid:

Fewer women give up work/became pt because of the old adage ‘my wages aren’t much more than childcare’. Childcare comes out of the family pot FFS and the extortionate years aren’t forever.

Normalise larger age gaps between children (parenting age/health taken into account). Just because it’s seen as desirable to have a 2-3 year age gap that doesn’t mean it has to be that way. 4-5-6 years actually makes a lot more sense long term, financially.

Let/force the men to be equals in parenting/housework/life admin 🤮, even if they don’t do it to their exacting standards. They’ll have to learn if they apparently can’t cook/clean/organise after school activities. They need to be given opportunity to do it, even if they fuck up. So many of my friends micromanage their husbands. It enables them to be incompetent and reinforces the cycle.

More men (& women) demand flexible working, and it becomes common place in our society. Less childcare is needed then anyway.

It is perfectly possible to have a good career and be a wonderful parent.

"childcare gives us breaks to recharge"

You don't need your kids in childcare 5 days a week to 'recharge.'

Another perspective, I started a new job just after maternity, starting salary 20k, earning £50 a month more than my childcare bill. 18 months later I'm on £25k + about 8k commission so closer to £32k and I'm went through with it. Plus I've paid into pension again.

But I agree in total, I've not been able to find time to complete training course due to lack of time and energy.

Luckily I didn’t say that. Try reading the link I shared!

I would not take the job in your situation. If it were a career type job, yes you should. But a NMW job as a receptionist you’d be able to walk right back into one once your youngest is school age or even 12yrs old when the NI credits towards state pension stop (I hope you are claiming child benefit to get these).

Id stay a SAHM and perhaps get a degree or other qualification that would be fairly recent when you wanted to go back to work so you can build a new career. A friend of mine did all the TA stuff while her youngest was doing the 30hrs in nursery, then took an TA job when he was in reception and primary and now is going for full teacher. She is 52yrs old and has 5 children ranging from 10 to 28yrs old.

bussteward - the OP is talking about having her kids in childcare 5 days per week gif kong days (except possibly one day when the DH has them)? For no extra money for the family overall.

Exactly this!

why don’t fathers wages pay for childcare if there jobs are so important?!

How exactly am I shaming women who want to stay at home by saying that mums don't have to sacrifice their careers, and explaining that being a working parent doesn't involve never seeing your child?