To buy a home without a room for my MIL?

[Mastmw7g]

We're buying a home and I was excited, then DH told MIL that all the bedrooms will be upstairs and she said she can't walk upstairs to sleep. My parents said something similar-- that my stepfather has knee problems that make navigating stairs difficult. I was so excited before but now I feel downtrodden that our families don't share our excitement.

While it might be nice to consider older relatives who might come to stay, there is nothing to feel bad about if you cannot/don't want to/feel it's not possible/appropriate. Good luck with the house purchase.

Hotels have private rooms...

Ask them all to club together to pay for a stairlift so that they can get upstairs if they need to. About £2500 in total, I think (plus VAT)

My parents live 500 miles away and are in their 70s. They've announced last month was probably their last visit because of the stairs.

I can't change the house, we can't afford to move to a bungalow just for their sake, there's nowhere to put a downstairs loo even if I could afford to install one and if my Dad won't have a hip replacement, that's on him 🙄.

It's your home. They can stay in hotels or an Airbnb etc. Tough.

While I can understand the parents disappointment, you have to buy a home that suits you for 52 weeks of the year, not one that suits them for 1 week a year.

If they come to visit, they will need to stay nearby instead.

I can't believe people are seriously suggesting a stair lift for the sake of 2 visitors.

Mind you, my grandad had one when I was little and I loved slow-mo going up the stairs on it. Cumbersome thing though.

We had similar only we were told off for looking at three bed despite having two kids of opposite sex and were told to buy 2 bed with one room being theirs.

TBH we had always rented three bed prior and young ages of kids had meant there was a separate room for them. It was hard enough getting on ladder and getting what people who'd be there 24/7 needed in layout, price and location so just couldn't accommodate even very frequent once a month guest demands as well.

Both houses we bought since we've put sofa bed in and in both cases despite downstairs toileting and facilities it's not been right - even current house with almost ideal layout for privacy downstairs - B&B and local cheap chain hotel end up being used.

Entitled old CF's! Do they all live in bungalows themselves? Have they lived in them all their life? Them being unable to do stairs in a house that isn't their own, is not your problem in the slightest. The step father that likes privacy so much can get a whooooole hotel room.. allllll to himself!

Sofa beds aren't really suitable for older people. They are lower to the ground, which makes it harder for them to get up, and they aren't as stable as a mattress, or as comfortable, which must make it harder on aging bodies. I've had a few sofa beds but never again.

No, but you don’t buy a property just in case sometime in the future you may injure your knee. Maybe buy one with extra wide doors just in case sometime in the future you will be in a wheelchair.
It’s a ridiculous statement.

My spare bed is a futon. I bought feet to raise it for my parents this year - makes a huge difference. The feet were about £20 and will last forever

What does your DH think? If he similarly isn’t particularly fussed about it then plough on ahead and enjoy the house. You can figure out solutions for visits in the future. They can always stay at a local hotel or b&b

That might work better. I might look into that idea myself!

Though I still have the problem that my mother and father require separate beds in separate rooms, and I'm not sure that can work.

It's your choice as a couple what to buy, and that MIL question is just one factor among many, all that have different weights in your final decision.

We recently moved back to south-east England, and my MIL was certainly a factor in our choice ( to give us some space and distance from her, if needed :) ). Also a major factor was by brother is very close and visits us for a few weeks each. He has mobility issues as a result of a serious accident while serving in the army. So several options we would have liked were off the list as a result.

Can't believe the amount of people casting the parents as the enemy and name calling just for voicing their concerns.
You have to be a special kind of entitled if your first reaction is "but what about me!" when your kid excitedly tells you about buying their first house!

The same people who expect grandparents to be unpaid childcare.
If the visit twice a year, how much unpaid childcare do you think think they actually provide?

Well I know someone who bought a house with wider doors just in case.

Again, just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean no one else does.
Horses for courses and all that.

Previous poster's statement may be ridiculous to you, not everyone.

Unless your families are paying towards your new home, they don’t get a say in how many bedrooms you have. Tell them you are buying a house that is affordable and suits you and your growing family. An extra room and downstairs bathroom could easily cost an extra £100k!

I’m disabled and most of the big hotel chains like Premier Inn, Holiday Inn and Travelodge have really excellent accessible rooms with spacious wet rooms etc. Start doing research into hotels in the area.

I've got too many children to have a spare room but we all enjoy my in laws visiting and if finances allowed and the right house came up then having a suitable spare room would be on the priority list somewhere. But under things like location, having enough space for our children, a layout that works etc. They would never presume to be considered though, we make it work in other ways at the moment e.g. taking holidays together or they have our room and we sleep with the children.

My IL at time were in their 50s - though last few year hotel has been because FIL had done himself a serious injury and we were worried sofa bed was too low.

Some of the mobility/older people furniture places do sofa beds with older people needs in mind -

https://mobilityfurniturecompany.co.uk/blog/product-guides/advantages-of-a-sofa-bed/

Though I expect they are expensive.

Ha! the classic choice of qoute where you leave out the rest....

Nowhere did I say OP expected childcare.

Who says it was the first reaction?
What's wrong with them voicing their concerns in a conversation with their son/daughter.

Why do I get the feeling that if this were reversed and op was complaining that her PIL were buying a house that didn't meet her needs, you would be calling her entitled?

I like an ensuite but totally understand I don't get that when I'm visiting someone else in their own home.

They have 3 choices. Like it or lump it, stay in a hotel, or give you £100k to buy a house with a bigger downstairs floorplan.

Surely this depends on how often they visit, and if you actually want them to visit.
Our next house/extension must have a guestroom and downstairs bathroom, because we want people to visit us. If we didn't want them to come, we wouldn't bother.

Could both sets of parents pay into the house purchase to get the downstairs accommodation that they say they need? Once they’ve put up the cost of this plus furniture, any building adjustments and maintenance costs then you can look for a house in your budget plus the parents paying for the extra room they require. You can organise it so that they get their money back if you sell the house. They can add the house cost into their will so you might need to sell up later if it doesn’t go to you.

I could reply to your whole post but it's getting too long.

YOU do sound extremely untitled, do YOU expect your son or daughter in law to buy a house to please YOU by any chance?