Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends husband is insufferably rude to restaurant staff

160 replies

straling · 05/07/2023 23:09

A new friend's husband is starting to bug me a lot..

We've been out to dinner a few time and also for coffee and he's always nasty to staff.

Examples:

Argued that he had been served a single espresso rather than a double. He thought there was not enough coffee and basically expected a small americano if you ask me, as his coffee seemed fine. He was quite rude and confrontational about it.

Walked into a restaurant, didn't even great the waiters and just said ' turn the aircon on '.. no please or thank you or anything.

Sat at the table and instead of saying ' excuse me ' to get the waiters attention, he just screamed across the room ' yeah HELLLOOO '.

These are just small examples. It's his whole demeanour that has put me off.

I think he may have some sort of issue with social cues. Could you be friends with someone like this ? He's quite polite to my husband and I and I can't imagine him being rude to us, so he clearly knows how to be polite, he just can't be polite to waiters, clearly.

I think it's bad form, but the other part of me thinks that maybe he doesn't realise and isn't good at social cues and it's because of that snd I should be more understanding..

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 06/07/2023 20:03

He is a wanker. He does understand social cues, he just considers waiting staff to be below him. He is probably deeply insecure. Does not stop him being a wanker though. I would never be with him again. I would be honest with my friend as to why.

2bazookas · 06/07/2023 20:05

Of course he knows he's being rude. He enjoys bullying people he knows can't answer back.

Bossmum94 · 06/07/2023 20:10

Probably going to rock the boat with this one, but I can understand why he might behave the way he does. No excusing his behaviour but I've grown really tired of the shit customer service you get in most place nowadays. That being said I just choose not to eat out now because I don't want to give establishments or their staff my money any more. He shouldn't be behaving this way though, he's going to get your food spat on the way he's going and it just creates an awful atmosphere for everyone, so I would avoid him. If you're friends with his wife then he doesn't really need to be there anyway....

Poppinjay · 06/07/2023 20:18

Smoothiecarton · 06/07/2023 07:25

Massive red flag he’s probably an absolute bastard behind closed doors. Check in in your friend.

This.

He may act like this to get her friends to drop her. Be wary of allowing him to drive a wedge between you in order to isolate her from her sources of support.

LizzieSiddal · 06/07/2023 20:22

We used to know a couple like this. We stopped eating out with them both, I would just meet the wife for lunch. I felt sorry for her as he was a controlling arse, she let him walk all over her, running around after him as if she was a 1950s housewife.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/07/2023 20:23

Probably going to rock the boat with this one, but I can understand why he might behave the way he does. No excusing his behaviour but I've grown really tired of the shit customer service you get in most place nowadays. That being said I just choose not to eat out now because I don't want to give establishments or their staff my money any more.

Why wouldn't you assume the best of people at a new place, and then maybe speak frankly (but not rudely) or calmly complain if you're unimpressed, and then not return?

If you're so certain that EVERY restaurant is going to be terrible, why would you put yourself through such an ordeal in the first place?

LizzieSiddal · 06/07/2023 20:26

Should add to my last post, I did used to speak to her about the fact he was controlling her and she did make some small changes. One of these was buying herself her own computer because despite them running a business and her using the computer all day, if he came home he used to demand he used her computer, no matter what she was in the middle of doing. It was an actual revelation to her that she should go out and buy her own. 😞

AlwaysGinPlease · 06/07/2023 20:27

He is 100% getting at least spit in his food...possibly other substances.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/07/2023 20:51

FatNoMoreSue · 05/07/2023 23:13

I hate this. I’d refuse to go out with him again and tell him why.

I agree with this.

NoFeckingClue · 06/07/2023 21:11

You can tell what a person is truly like by the way they treat restaurant staff. This guy is a Class A fucknugget.

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 06/07/2023 21:28

'It's not acceptable to talk to people like that. You might be happy to embarrass yourself, but you're also embarrassing the rest of us. If you can't be more polite, I will be leaving.'

Done.

What a wanker. I used to run a bar and the aircon comment alone would have seen him told to leave.

peachypudding · 06/07/2023 22:06

He's obviously got a very small penis.

ultraviolet4753 · 06/07/2023 22:11

My mother and I have issues with social cues, but it doesn't make us assholes to staff.

musixa · 06/07/2023 22:16

I couldn't bear going out with someone like this. I'd decline further invitations and tell your friend factually why: "I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable when your husband is rude to restaurant staff."

ChaliceinWonderland · 06/07/2023 22:19

Awful areshole, went on a date recently the guy was rude and sarcstic to the bar staff, urgh,. It was embarrassing, and I couldn't see him again,

Wristfolds · 06/07/2023 22:20

ExH’s mum was like this. Genuinely the loveliest woman in all other contexts though- I think maybe as she grew up quite poor she always maybe felt a bit out of place in restaurants?! She’d always talk over the person going ‘hi I’m xxx what would…’ and in a big loud voice she’d be all ‘TWO CHICKEN PIES’ and then nod sweetly at me and ExH to order

DreamTheMoors · 06/07/2023 22:29

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 05/07/2023 23:42

He does understand social cues, otherwise he'd be rude to everyone. He knows he's treating these people like shit and doesn't care.

Yes. It's also interesting how many people who 'don't understand social cues' never seem to go the other way and be excessively OTT polite to everybody, isn't it?

I like the idea of apologising for him in front of him. It's not like you'd embarrass him any more than he's already chosen to embarrass himself.

I'd be inclined to go all the way in treating him like the toddler he's acting as and say to the staff "Sorry, I think he's overtired" and then, when he barks a command, say "P, p, p, p?" to him, like you do when teaching little ones to remember their pleases and thank yous.

You know how when the wait staff places your plate in front of you and you say “thank you”?

I have a friend who used to say ”thank you” after I said thank you, as if I were incapable or she were my carer.
It infuriated me.

I told her the next time she tried that, she’d be buying her own meal.
She stopped.

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 06/07/2023 22:38

DH had a friend exactly like this! It was awful! He moved to Australia thank god. Are you in Aus? Please tell me it's not the same bloke?! I wouldn't be surprised!!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/07/2023 00:25

Awful areshole, went on a date recently the guy was rude and sarcstic to the bar staff, urgh,. It was embarrassing, and I couldn't see him again,

I think that, in the same way that some stupid people assume that everybody else is as stupid as they are, a lot of arseholes think that everybody else is just as arseholeous as they are, and thus will actually be impressed - rather than cringeing for them.

Sparklybutold · 07/07/2023 01:05

My FIL is incredibly rude to wait staff. I avoid going to restaurants with him.

ohdamnitjanet · 07/07/2023 09:24

I would absolutely say something to him there and then. But I used to work in restaurants and I wouldn’t take such rudeness from a customer anyway.

Elphame · 07/07/2023 09:27

He sounds awful. I'd be far too embarrassed to go out with him.

When I was recruiting staff I would always ask the receptionists how they were spoken to. If the candidate was rude to them then they failed the interview.

meemawww · 07/07/2023 20:39

I work in hospitality. First of all I'd just like to clarify neither myself or any of my colleagues would spit in a customers food. Even the most intolerable arsehole that's disgusting 🤢
As for your friends husband - he sounds like exactly the kind of guy we'd literally give the bare minimum to. Although as a very experienced server with years under belt I'd call him out for speaking to me and my colleagues like that. And we go in the back and call him a cunt.

Rainbowsandrainclouds1 · 07/07/2023 20:55

I'm shocked you went out with him a second time. I would have ended the evening the first instance and explained why as I was leaving.

I would also have cooled the friendship as I couldn't be friends with someone who accepted her husband being ao unkind and obnoxious to anyone.

purplehair1 · 08/07/2023 10:42

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 05/07/2023 23:42

He does understand social cues, otherwise he'd be rude to everyone. He knows he's treating these people like shit and doesn't care.

Yes. It's also interesting how many people who 'don't understand social cues' never seem to go the other way and be excessively OTT polite to everybody, isn't it?

I like the idea of apologising for him in front of him. It's not like you'd embarrass him any more than he's already chosen to embarrass himself.

I'd be inclined to go all the way in treating him like the toddler he's acting as and say to the staff "Sorry, I think he's overtired" and then, when he barks a command, say "P, p, p, p?" to him, like you do when teaching little ones to remember their pleases and thank yous.

Love that ‘sorry I think he’s overtired…’

Swipe left for the next trending thread