Friends husband is insufferably rude to restaurant staff

[straling]

A new friend's husband is starting to bug me a lot..

We've been out to dinner a few time and also for coffee and he's always nasty to staff.

Examples:

Argued that he had been served a single espresso rather than a double. He thought there was not enough coffee and basically expected a small americano if you ask me, as his coffee seemed fine. He was quite rude and confrontational about it.

Walked into a restaurant, didn't even great the waiters and just said ' turn the aircon on '.. no please or thank you or anything.

Sat at the table and instead of saying ' excuse me ' to get the waiters attention, he just screamed across the room ' yeah HELLLOOO '.

These are just small examples. It's his whole demeanour that has put me off.

I think he may have some sort of issue with social cues. Could you be friends with someone like this ? He's quite polite to my husband and I and I can't imagine him being rude to us, so he clearly knows how to be polite, he just can't be polite to waiters, clearly.

I think it's bad form, but the other part of me thinks that maybe he doesn't realise and isn't good at social cues and it's because of that snd I should be more understanding..

If he can be polite to you and your husband then he's making a choice to be an arrogant prick to the waiting staff.
And if his wife doesn't say anything then she's either just as bad as him, or he treats her like shit too.
I certainly wouldn't go out in public with him again.

A couple we are good friends with - she can be so rude in restaurants - but I know that is just how she is. She doesn't know how to behave...and she's in her 60s.

She's lovely in so many other ways (her partner tries to apologise in restaurants) that we've decided that we just don't go out for dinner with them. We have them round instead or go to theirs.

He's simply an entitled dickhead. I'd never go anywhere with someone like that and I'd challenge his behaviour in person if I was.

This.

He's a bellend. I was out in a group once and one woman who was a friend of a friend was like this. My opinion of her went down after that.

'A couple we are good friends with - she can be so rude in restaurants - but I know that is just how she is. She doesn't know how to behave...and she's in her 60s.

She's lovely in so many other ways'

I have a friend a bit like this. Lovely in many ways but can be so rude and prickly with restaurant staff. Sometimes she's fine, sometimes she's very rude although nothing like as bad as the guy in the OP. She's very insecure and defensive and sometimes takes that out on other people - I don't think she has much self awareness about it and it would NOT go down well if I pointed it out. So I just conduct myself how I want to (i.e. very polite to waiting staff) and let her crack on

Exactly. My ex FIL was so incredibly rude and condescending to everyone in the service sector. I haven’t seen him for ten years but still cringe at the memory. You don’t need twats for friends.

A friend of mine who is so lovely, has worked his way up in life to be very successful. He told me once that since he has become successful and can afford nice things his wife has slowly become more and more rude - sending food back in restaurants.. that sort of thing. He says he cringes when she is rude and once said to her that she never used to be like that before they became wealthy.
It's my guess that these people who re rude to waiting staff are having their fifteen minutes of fame at the expense of others because they will never get it in any other way. Nasty.

This. He thinks they're beneath him, that's why he's acting like that.

Difficulties in social understanding would be much more evident in his less structured interactions with you. Knowing to say please when you ask for something is a 2 year old skill. If there are any ‘issues’ it’s likely more narcissistic behaviour than anything else.

He’s the sort of fuck who’ll get the most disgusting shit put in your food. Only I hope he eats it. Rude fuck.

I don't get why 'well, that's just what he's like' is considered to be any kind of 'excuse'. If you refuse to learn basic manners for long enough, does that somehow entitle you to never have to use them?

I'm also extremely sceptical about people who are 'lovely most of the time, BUT...'. Any of us can have an off day, but you can't just deliberately choose to have two (or more) regular behaviour styles and be considered a nice person, just because you display the more respectable one for more time than the nasty one.

It makes me think of all the abusive men we read about on here who are 'usually lovely' - except for when they're screaming at/controlling/hitting/psychologically tormenting their wives and kids. Even serial killers spend the vast, vast majority of their lives not killing anybody - but that doesn't mean they are 'generally nice guys'.

Agree with @JFDIYOLO , it's probably a status thing. I stopped bothering with someone who used to do this.

She would find something, anything , to complain about every time we went out to eat and once went through the pantomime of finishing an empty glass because the waitress had the audacity to try to remove it from the table. Just cringey, ridiculous behaviour, felt so sorry for the staff.

Sounds utterly vile. But I bet he grovels around people with money or power or status. Repulsive. How you speak to waiters and shop assistants says a huge amount about you. So does the way you treat animals or the elderly or anything that can't defend itself.

He knows they can't tell him to f-off because they'd lose their job. They're trapped. So he can bully and show off and throw his weight around without any come back. I've seen pathetic short arse men do that to shop assistants in Tesco (often to impress their wives). I wonder if he'd speak to a 6 foot boxer down the local pub like that? I think not somehow.

As someone who waited tables and worked front of house many moons ago I take an exceptionally dim view of anyone who thinks they can treat service staff like shit for no reasons whatsoever. I have on many an occasion waded in to defend a waiter/ress when Mr or Miss Dickhead start acting up. It is always the same script of trying to bully some freebie out of the poor teenager or young 20 something serving them for over some non existent mistake or slight. It is amazing how quickly these dickheads wind their necks in when called out on their behaviour. These are the morons who still believe that 'the customer is always right' myth is a license to treat staff like shit with no consequences. In my experience not only is the customer frequently wrong they can be weapons grade cunts to boot'

Best to bring it up in the moment. Make a face, raise your eyebrows or say wow, comment to your friend about it. I’m sure you won’t be the first that’s called it out. It would seriously give me the ick

I absolutely despise when people treat people who are serving them badly. It's so unbearably rude I would have to say something to him the next time he does it. I'd go for something funny like well x you've clearly never worked in retail or hospitality have you?

He sounds like the lowest form of life to me. I just wouldn't be able to continue with a friendship with either him or his wife.

I really hope the kitchen and waiting staff find a way to take their revenge on him. What an idiot -doesn't he realise where the power lies in this situation? I think you should point it out to him that only fools with no imagination would risk winding up restaurant staff.

Yeah someone like that restaurant sraff r judging whole table as being like this one person as you are out with him so whole group accepts his behaviour as fine and acceptable sorry but u must agree with his behaviour to an extent to be willing to be seen out with this guy

Be nice to people on the way up as you'll meet them coming back down. Karma in other words.

I find this so rude, manners and politness cost nothing.
I would be completely honest next time he dose this in front of you and ask him why he feels the need to be so rude.

Makes me wonder how he treats his wife behind closed doors aswell.

Best comment!

The fact he can distinguish who he CAN be rude to..... there's your answer.

He obviously looks down on "those type of people " could I go out with him again, big fat NO.

No excuses, he's an arsehole.

Next time they ask to out tell them both (make sure they both hear it, she wouldn’t tell him) straight out thanks for the invitation but you don’t want to because he is actually embarrassing you all the way he treats the staff again and again. It takes the fun away.

Absolutely couldn’t be around someone like that. Nasty. Embarrassing.