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Original poster

Friends husband is insufferably rude to restaurant staff

160 replies

straling · 05/07/2023 23:09

A new friend's husband is starting to bug me a lot..

We've been out to dinner a few time and also for coffee and he's always nasty to staff.

Examples:

Argued that he had been served a single espresso rather than a double. He thought there was not enough coffee and basically expected a small americano if you ask me, as his coffee seemed fine. He was quite rude and confrontational about it.

Walked into a restaurant, didn't even great the waiters and just said ' turn the aircon on '.. no please or thank you or anything.

Sat at the table and instead of saying ' excuse me ' to get the waiters attention, he just screamed across the room ' yeah HELLLOOO '.

These are just small examples. It's his whole demeanour that has put me off.

I think he may have some sort of issue with social cues. Could you be friends with someone like this ? He's quite polite to my husband and I and I can't imagine him being rude to us, so he clearly knows how to be polite, he just can't be polite to waiters, clearly.

I think it's bad form, but the other part of me thinks that maybe he doesn't realise and isn't good at social cues and it's because of that snd I should be more understanding..

OP posts:
Tlolljs · 06/07/2023 05:33

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat waiters and shop staff.
Life Rule number 1

Splishsploshsplash · 06/07/2023 05:35

Tell your friend you want to catch up with just her. If she asks why, be honest and say his behaviour embarrassed you.

Of course he understands social cues. He simply believes the waiters are below him. Yuck.

pilates · 06/07/2023 05:39

If he is bullying restaurant staff how is he treating your friend? 🚩

BlastedPimples · 06/07/2023 05:39

Big red flag. Plus excruciatingly embarrassing.

I wouldn't go out with him again.

What a dick.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/07/2023 05:41

pilates · 06/07/2023 05:39

If he is bullying restaurant staff how is he treating your friend? 🚩

Exactly what I was thinking.

Ragwort · 06/07/2023 05:50

Why do you have to go out with him? I rarely out with other couples ... the chance of all four people getting on well is very slim and I don't want to be stuck with someone else's boorish DH & pretty sure they don't want to be stuck with mine Grin. Just meet your friend on her own.
My DM is from the generation where frequent dinner parties with other couples were the 'norm' ... she was always moaning about her friend's DHs but couldn't get her head round socialising separately ... fortunately the men all seemed to die off first & at 90 she's now got a great social life Grin.

TheCheeseTray · 06/07/2023 05:59

As others have said - he is vile call him out.

m when he’s rude stand up and say ‘ I’m so sorry that someone on my party has been so rude to you. Although they should apologise themselves I will tell you that you do a fantastic job and it’s a difficult industry to work in - I’m so sorry that someone is so insecure to treat you like shit just because he thinks he can. That’s not be.

I did it once. Aged 25 and dated a guy briefly who yelled at staff and anyone on the phone. Acting like the big man. I did this once in a packed restaurant- the waiter I asked brought me a huge drink and my then immediately ex boyfriend left. Sadly I don’t think it was the wake up call he needed.

that happened a few years later at a work meeting where he was rude to the man serving the coffee ….. and then discovered whilst being sacked the man was the ceo

Damnedidont · 06/07/2023 06:06

ChadCMulligan · 05/07/2023 23:12

I'd apologise to the waiters on his behalf in front of him. If that loses me the friendship then it's a price worth paying

This

TheCatterall · 06/07/2023 06:09

@straling j think I’d start an engaging conversation. “So Andrew… I rake it you’ve never worked in hospitality…”.

Spottedsox · 06/07/2023 06:11

No one of you said something to him about it at the time?
Probably not.. I would of loudly back.

Original poster
straling · 06/07/2023 06:15

Spottedsox · 06/07/2023 06:11

No one of you said something to him about it at the time?
Probably not.. I would of loudly back.

I said a few times - ' you can't do that ! ' but he just laughed it off. Also my H works in the industry and he couldn't deal with it whatsoever. He apologised to the staff as we were leaving and had a quick chat with them.

The first time we thought maybe it was an off day, but then we realised that it's every time and we find it hard to deal with. Wife says nothing at all.

OP posts:
Loverofoxbowlakes · 06/07/2023 06:45

straling · 06/07/2023 05:05

She doesn't say anything at all. It's terrible.

Show quote history

In that case you have a problem with both your friend and her dh.

If she's not saying anything at the time she's condoning his behaviour and that would be the end of the friendship for me. Your dh works in hospitality - how he's not called both of them out for this is beyond me!

Lwrenagain · 06/07/2023 06:45

I'd have to ask, "so Andrew, are you always a massive prick to hospitality staff or are you just trying to make a terrible impression on us?"

Seriously, fuck this guy.

Hope your pal divorces him and finds someone who isn't a bad knobhead x

BillyNoM8s · 06/07/2023 06:48

Do you not tackle him when he does this?

I would never sit and watch someone do this and then continue to sit at the same table as them. I would've called him out the first time.

BillyNoM8s · 06/07/2023 06:50

And when I say I would've called him out. I mean at the very moment it was happening, not later in the day or on my way out of the restaurant.

People judge you by the company you keep.

Cinnamope · 06/07/2023 06:54

I would not set foot in a restaurant with him ever again, and I’d also tell them why.

JMSA · 06/07/2023 06:54

On the dating scene, they say that men who are rude to waiting staff are to be avoided at all costs. For me, this goes without saying. But they do say that how they treat restaurant staff says a lot about them as a person. And this man is a walking red flag.
I would need to be honest. I'd call him out on his behaviour. Actually, I probably wouldn't be friends with them at all, as it reflects badly on his wife too.

TwoLittleDucks22 · 06/07/2023 06:58

No, I couldn't be friends with them. I was at a fancy work thing recently and one of the husbands at my table was like this and I couldn't cope with it at all. And that was at a big table at a large event. At a table for four - I can't even imagine it because it's making me feel so uncomfortable!

Backstreets · 06/07/2023 06:58

Don’t try to diagnose him. He’s not a victim. He’s a cock. Don’t think I’d be able to hold my tongue if I were you.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 06/07/2023 06:59

Why are you friends with someone who enables bullying behaviour?

However, if you really care about her you need to tell her you are concerned about how he treats her in private as he is clearly a bully.

croft89 · 06/07/2023 06:59

Are you only able to see your friend if her husband is there too?

The obvious answer is to see her without him, if that's allowed

GreenMini · 06/07/2023 07:02

My friend's husband does this but usually only when he's drunk .I've got up and walked out in the past. And my friend followed. It's arsehole behaviour - nothing less .

Worldgonecrazy · 06/07/2023 07:02

People who fails ‘the waiter test’ are generally socially insecure and trying to either impress the people they’re with, or are signalling they think they are socially superior . This is a reason, not an excuse and not someone I would want to go out with.

I would avoid spending time with them and tell them why. There is no excuse for impoliteness in that situation.

ChubbyMorticia · 06/07/2023 07:07

I’d have snapped at him for being rude, apologized profusely to the waitstaff, given them a nice tip (I’m in Canada, we tip here) and immediately left.

I refuse to tolerate anyone who is rude to staff.

The measure of a person is in how they treat those who have less power than they do, imo.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/07/2023 07:07

I wouldn’t confront him about it but would engineer seeing her separately. Maybe your DH can be very busy. If he’s abusive at home, she’ll be encouraged to cut you off if you call him out. Don’t make life more difficult for her until you know what’s going on.

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