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Original poster

Different political views

163 replies

NotGotAClue1 · 05/07/2023 19:30

Just that really. My partner and I have VERY different political views on most things and I don’t want to bring things up and feel tense when the news is on because I don’t want to argue. I love him, we have a toddler and he treats us both well, we’re very happy together but some of the things he says really really bother me and don’t sit well at all and I certainly don’t want our child having these views.

A few examples… he makes sweeping statements, he’s anti illegal immigration, thought Rwanda was a good idea, thinks the rnli shouldn’t be involved and he stopped donating to them because of it. He also makes a lot of assumptions. I recently showed him an article about someone who was stabbed to death and I obviously thought how sad but his first reaction was oh it’ll be gang related. He disagrees with children being told they can identity as whatever in schools at a young age etc.

I should mention he was in the police for a long time and served on very deprived London boroughs and has seen and experienced terrible things so I definitely feel what he has seen/ dealt with has skewed him somewhat. I just didn’t realise how far apart we were on things.

Please don’t flippantly say leave him. I love him and will not break our family up over politics, I just wonder if anyone is in relationships with different views and how you navigate it?

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 05/07/2023 19:37

These views won’t have suddenly struck him. So what’s changed in you that you find them abhorrent now? He sounds like an arsehole, sorry. Apart from children ID as they want, I can understand that view.

Original poster
NotGotAClue1 · 05/07/2023 19:43

I don’t remember ever talking about politics with him and I don’t remember there being any ongoing issues dominating the press like there are now.

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 05/07/2023 19:46

How long have you been together? Surely you must have talked about stories in the news when you got together.

DutchCowgirl · 05/07/2023 19:46

My husband and I have different opinions about politics… he is a bit more on the right side of the middle and i am far more on the left side. But we don’t have real arguments about it. We have this sort of chemistry together that we can discuss anything while staying polite and interested and positive.

There was a time, when a lot of political discussions were like this. But social media and identity politics, made it all way too personal.

CurlewKate · 05/07/2023 19:52

I can't offer any advice because personally I couldn't be with someone who had views so very different to mine. But I don't understand why this is coming as a surprise to you.

JazbayGrapes · 05/07/2023 19:56

depends if they are just views, or how a person acts. I have personal experience of "right wingers" being actually welcoming and friendly, and so called "inclusive" lefties being pretty nasty. so go figure

Aaron95 · 05/07/2023 19:57

OH and I have similar political views but are polar opposites to her Mum and both my parents. Years ago this wasn't a problem as we rarely mentioned politics but in recent years any mention of Brexit, immigrants or the SNP just leads to heated arguments. My solution is to avoid any discussion of politics at all costs. It's not worth the agro as they are all incapable of understanding that other people can have different views and not be idiots.

Coralsunset · 05/07/2023 20:00

As PP have said, either he’s always had these repulsive views, or they’re new? You must have had some kind of sensible discussion with him over the years, or watched the news together?

I couldn’t live with someone with such abhorrent opinions, never mind sleep with them.

NeelyOHara1 · 05/07/2023 20:00

I'd guess it's probably easier to be 'on the side of the angels' if you've never have to see and deal with a lot of what you say he's had to on the front line of policing. It must be hard to keep trying to see the positives when you're only dealing with the negatives.

FOJN · 05/07/2023 20:04

Has he given you reason to think that a difference of opinion would result in an argument or do you think not agreeing 100% on something is an argument. It will be difficult for you to determine his full range of views if you never discuss things and base your assessment on a few off hand remarks.

If you have quite opposing views then why do you think your child will automatically adopt your partners political outlook? Surely you will have some input too.

JazbayGrapes · 05/07/2023 20:06

Please don’t flippantly say leave him. I love him and will not break our family up over politics, I just wonder if anyone is in relationships with different views and how you navigate it?

Is this a journo? Are you pro illegal immigration? Street stabbings? Children changing genders at school?

Merryoldgoat · 05/07/2023 20:08

I don’t understand how you can get so far into a relationship without understanding someone’s values.

To be honest those fundamental differences would be enough for me to end a friendship let alone a relationship.

Nickknackpattywhack · 05/07/2023 20:11

I don't think there is any way around this, unfortunately.

It's not about 'politics' but about the type of people you are. Quite honestly you don't have the same core values, and if you don't want your DC picking up his views then one of you needs to leave.

I'm sorry.

Maddy70 · 05/07/2023 20:11

I would struggle to be with anyone who couldn't see beyond day mail headlines. He also doesn't seem very bright which would also irritate me.

You need to have similar values to make a relationship work

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 05/07/2023 20:12

I am made to feel far-right in comparison to most of my friends. In fact, I’m a moderate libertarian, and they’re all Corbynistas.

it is an endless source of comfort to me that my lovely partner actually has some views to the right of mine. It’s nice to have one’s position relativised. (This used to be understood as healthy.)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/07/2023 20:14

I could only be with someone who shared my values. Otherwise you’re at loggerheads all the time. I’d never feel comfortable.

Original poster
NotGotAClue1 · 05/07/2023 20:16

Coralsunset · 05/07/2023 20:00

As PP have said, either he’s always had these repulsive views, or they’re new? You must have had some kind of sensible discussion with him over the years, or watched the news together?

I couldn’t live with someone with such abhorrent opinions, never mind sleep with them.

We lived in different counties and only spent weekends together at first and that time was spent going out and having fun not sitting down for the 10 o’clock news! Seriously though, if he had been saying these things back then it would have been a red flag for me.

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 05/07/2023 20:18

Your child is going to hear his views whether you leave him or not.

It is better you stay with him so that you can give your child a different view.

Your child will learn that people have different views and will have to decide for himself.

You just have to accept people have different views.

I would make sure you and your child don't argue with him. Just accept his views.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 05/07/2023 20:22

NotGotAClue1 · 05/07/2023 20:16

We lived in different counties and only spent weekends together at first and that time was spent going out and having fun not sitting down for the 10 o’clock news! Seriously though, if he had been saying these things back then it would have been a red flag for me.

Show quote history

Millions of people share his views so you just need to accept them.

Just don't argue about politics as you will never agree.

My sister and I have polar opposite views very similar to you case so we don't argue as it will end up in us both getting upset.

ToxicBiennial · 05/07/2023 20:22

Different to a point yes, but what you describe sounds like too large a distance between values that I’d be comfortable with personally.

This can’t be a new thing surely ? Brexit, immigration, benefits lots of divisive issues have been around for a long time. I don’t know how you can not know these attitudes after a certain amount of time.

TrishM80 · 05/07/2023 20:25

I'd be more worried by the fact he was in the Met Police.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 05/07/2023 20:30

TrishM80 · 05/07/2023 20:25

I'd be more worried by the fact he was in the Met Police.

Don't judge people until you have walked in their shoes.

You would never be brave enough to work as a police man in one of the most deprived areas of London.

People like you disgust me.

ummWTH · 05/07/2023 20:35

"Please don’t flippantly say leave him."

I don't see why anyone would suggest that. It's ok (normal even) to have different opinions on things.
And I don't know why it needs to be "navigated" either? Surely you can both have a conversation, share different opinions, accept that they're different and then put the kettle on?

I genuinely don't get the big deal and why so many people make it a huge thing about other peoples thoughts not aligning with their own.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 05/07/2023 20:40

I think you need to make peace that your kids may well follow his views. Or have their own entirely.

My dad is very right wing (quite suddenly switched in the last 10 years or so), my mam is middle. My brother and I are left. My husband is very left.

I really struggle to fully understand how you raise a child with someone with polar opposite views. I'm sure many people do it successfully but I just can't imagine how much more difficult it would be.

ummWTH · 05/07/2023 20:41

Nickknackpattywhack · 05/07/2023 20:11

I don't think there is any way around this, unfortunately.

It's not about 'politics' but about the type of people you are. Quite honestly you don't have the same core values, and if you don't want your DC picking up his views then one of you needs to leave.

I'm sorry.

Are you crazy? These are things that don't impact on their daily lives. If he's a loving father and husband then why would it cross your mind to suggest splitting a happy family over literally nothing...thoughts in his head..wtf??
I mean, come on 🤦🏽‍♀️

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