Different political views

[NotGotAClue1]

Just that really. My partner and I have VERY different political views on most things and I don’t want to bring things up and feel tense when the news is on because I don’t want to argue. I love him, we have a toddler and he treats us both well, we’re very happy together but some of the things he says really really bother me and don’t sit well at all and I certainly don’t want our child having these views.

A few examples… he makes sweeping statements, he’s anti illegal immigration, thought Rwanda was a good idea, thinks the rnli shouldn’t be involved and he stopped donating to them because of it. He also makes a lot of assumptions. I recently showed him an article about someone who was stabbed to death and I obviously thought how sad but his first reaction was oh it’ll be gang related. He disagrees with children being told they can identity as whatever in schools at a young age etc.

I should mention he was in the police for a long time and served on very deprived London boroughs and has seen and experienced terrible things so I definitely feel what he has seen/ dealt with has skewed him somewhat. I just didn’t realise how far apart we were on things.

Please don’t flippantly say leave him. I love him and will not break our family up over politics, I just wonder if anyone is in relationships with different views and how you navigate it?

Sorry who or what is Skin?

Btw for those posters saying politics don’t matter or the OP’s politics aren’t better than his*, this isn’t about right v. left politics it’s about values. It’s very hard to live with someone whose values are fundamentally incompatible with yours.

*They are

Because she doesn’t want to see people less fortunate than herself drowning in the Channel. That’s why her views are superior. Or is it OK to just let human beings drown?

Its a no brainer.

@notwavingbutdrowning1 I think you may be right. I rescind my previous comment.

I'm struggling to grasp it because I talk to my partner about politics all the time. Like, daily. We comment on things in the news, on politicians, on local news. There's no way in five years it could have escaped my notice that he thought immigrants should be left to drown.

It sounds like you're a True Blue Tory and he's more of the newly minted UKIP Tory variety. Two sides of the same coin, tbh.

Is he anti-immigration altogether or anti-illegal immigration through criminal means?

I’m an immigrant and definitely pro-immigration. But I also recognize that the traffickers who accept money from desperate people to load up boats for these extremely dangerous crossing are criminals, and need to be stopped.

The Rwanda idea was ridiculous, but immigration reform is desperately needed.

Btw for those posters saying politics don’t matter or the OP’s politics aren’t better than his, this isn’t about right v. left politics it’s about values. It’s very hard to live with someone whose values are fundamentally incompatible with yours.*

Agree with this.

This isn't a discussion where two people believe slightly different versions of immigration policy would be effective for the UK economy, free up the backlog of cases, or make processing of asylum and immigration cases quicker, or different views on what the qualifying criteria should be for economic migrants. These are all political views.

At the heart of the OP's situation seems to be totally different views on the circumstances it's acceptable to have the means to prevent death, but choose death as a warning to others. It's a values and a moral issue.

Skin from Skunk Anansie.

Oh ok thanks xxx

Being opposed to illegal immigration is hardly an extreme point of view. It’s a perfectly normal, sensible one. In general, I find moderate conservatives far more thoughtful, tolerant and willing to listen than those on the left.

His is not a political view its just RACISM.RNLI should leave the occupants of sinking boats too it.

My husband is (or used to be) a Tory and I'm a Labour Party member. But we are both Remainers. We discuss politics all the time & we've been married for 32 years. But I'm not sure I could live with views like that.

@JaneyGee tolerant of death by drowning? That’s your type of tolerance? No thanks.

As has been said ad Infinitum on these boards, some of these people don’t have a legal way to apply for asylum. I don’t know the solution. I’m not a politician. But let me tell you who would know : the fucking Tories who’ve been in charge for 13 years and haven’t sorted this and all the other mess.

People in relationships with similar values will always tell you that’s the only way. It’s certainly easier and provides a stable plinth to build on but I’d like to think is not the only way to have a successful relationship.

What are his other core values? Is he a thoughtful and caring partner and father? Is he loving and supportive of his wider family and friends? Does he respect you, help you, and respect your opinion? These are also important. Probably more important for a life partner than political leanings that are shaped by his upbringing and life experiences. Although I consider my partners views questionable at times I understand knowing him how he came to think like that and I can recognise that he’s a much better person than I when it comes to being thoughtful and nurturing our relationship and he beats me hands down at being helpful inside and outside the family home. Nobody is perfect you just have to recognise and value the good and decide how much weight you want to give to the rest.

Funny how the right wing are behind you on that one and you see no issue with such fellow travellers...

Oh don't talk bollocks. The All Tories are Pure Evil cant on here is so fucking tiresome and ignorant.

And no, I'm not and never have been.

@Leastsaidsoonestscrewed maybe it’s late and I’m tired but I don’t understand your point about the fellow travellers. From the little the OP has told us I agree with her DH on one point only. It’s a superficial agreement at this stage, as I don’t know his views and how much they align with mine or not. His might come from a homophobic starting point, so if that’s your point about fellow travellers then you’re right. I should wait to hear more. But that’s for another day, or not at all.

Anti-illegal immigration. He says he has no problem with people coming here legally and those in genuine need.

You both sound like my mother and father in law. He’s so loud and boorish about his racist views that everyone avoids them both - she is lovely but misses out as they always come as a pair. My husband can’t bear the racism and is furious with his Dad for being so ignorant.

In the future see your adult kids alone if you can! If they’ve had any kind of education they’ll be appalled by his views.

Letting people drown in the sea would be beyond disgusting. The annoying thing is the racist arseholes that say it if they were on that boat would want to save them, and would be cured of their thoughts if they actually had a conversation about what drove these people to try and get here. It’s the likes of Farage that’s wound them up.

I’ve talked to several fisherman on the Kent coast and the one person they wouldn’t pull out of the water is Nigel Farage!

The human-hating anti-immigration types always say this. But those coming in small boats, if refugees fleeing warnor persecution, are coming legally and are in genuine need.

But your husband wants the RNLI to leave them to drown.

You aren't going to get him to alter his views anymore than he can get you to alter your views.

It's easy to see how someone can follow people on social media, read headlines and stories that appeal to their views and reinforce them, and can have their own view of the world confirmed to them. Listening to other stories, hearing different perspectives can make dents in someone's own view - challenge their view of the world - but a change can only come from within.

There are so many facts about refugees that people just don't know. The number of displaced people in the world is staggering.

108 million people displaced

Turkiye alone has 3.6 million refugees

That kind of puts the numbers coming here into perspective.

But you aren't going to change his views.

I know, I was shell shocked when he said it. I can’t understand how a decent hum would think this :(

It wouldn't be a problem for me. Your child will grow up learning that people have different opinions and that's okay. It's actually bad for kids to think that only one pov is morally correct and everyone who doesn't share it is a bad person. And weirdly, you get that more from the left, who like to market themselves as better people, than those on the political right!

His opinions have been formed by his life experiences and he's entitled to hold those views. That's what freedom means - hearing stuff you personally disagree with but respecting their right to hold those views.
Your child will hear them anyway, so better that they see an example of each parent respecting the pov of the other, even while disagreeing.

I'd focus on the important everyday things like attitude towards money or how to raise children, division of labour domestically etc.

It's actually bad for kids to think that only one pov is morally correct

Sometimes only one pov IS morally correct. That’s why we have societal consensus on stuff like murder, rape and child abuse.

Or would you like your kids to grow up hearing multiple pov on those, @LadyBird1973 ?