Different political views

[NotGotAClue1]

Just that really. My partner and I have VERY different political views on most things and I don’t want to bring things up and feel tense when the news is on because I don’t want to argue. I love him, we have a toddler and he treats us both well, we’re very happy together but some of the things he says really really bother me and don’t sit well at all and I certainly don’t want our child having these views.

A few examples… he makes sweeping statements, he’s anti illegal immigration, thought Rwanda was a good idea, thinks the rnli shouldn’t be involved and he stopped donating to them because of it. He also makes a lot of assumptions. I recently showed him an article about someone who was stabbed to death and I obviously thought how sad but his first reaction was oh it’ll be gang related. He disagrees with children being told they can identity as whatever in schools at a young age etc.

I should mention he was in the police for a long time and served on very deprived London boroughs and has seen and experienced terrible things so I definitely feel what he has seen/ dealt with has skewed him somewhat. I just didn’t realise how far apart we were on things.

Please don’t flippantly say leave him. I love him and will not break our family up over politics, I just wonder if anyone is in relationships with different views and how you navigate it?

Not really the same thing @notwavingbutdrowning1
The OP is talking about different political views, not crimes.

I actually doubt that if he was making the decision re illegal immigrants on boats, that he would irl let people drown. Very very few people would be that cold. I suspect he's just expressing frustration at this situation never being resolved and the complete ineffectiveness of the government in putting a stop to it. No one actually wants people to die, but in allowing it to continue more people will ultimately drown as there's no disincentive to get on the boats.

If it hasn't come up till now doesn't sound like you'd be too bothered deep down. So just carry on as you were? As for the children, they're probably more likely to pick up their politics online either way. And if they end up like your dh, there's already plenty of right wingers in the country so a few more won't make much difference anyway

I agree. The hyperbolic personal attacks are coming from those on the left.

Nice to see a calm, sensible post.

This is what OP was talking about re branding someone with all sorts of hateful accusations based on a snippet of information.

WTH makes you think her husband is like your FIL exactly? Who told you he's boorish and loud? What gives you the impression his own children will avoid him?

Post after post accusing him of wanting people left to drown..is that what he said? No that's what you have all chosen to take from his statement, based on nothing other than the fact that you disagree with him. And the sad thing is none of you will ever know because instead of wanting an open discussion with people you disagree with, you're busy throwing angry accusations and name calling. Who is truly ignorant here? And wilfully so.

I'm so sick of people arrogantly making such sweeping statements and refusing to allow others room to speak and listen. I'm left wing, never voted Tory, remain, I care about refugees, care about the poor, about children, the elderly, workers rights, the right to protest, the environment...all sorts. But you ignorant loud mouths trying to drown out any opposition make the world a less pleasant place for us all. Most people don't want to live in an angry environment filled with hate where everyone sees things in black and white, no room for grey..no room for discussion and learning from eachother. Where people just shout eachother down and others are left feeling like they cant express themselves. I see you as no better than any other extremists, despite the fact you might align with me politically, your personalities are extremely unpleasant to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Leastsaidsoonestscrewed

"Funny how the right wing are behind you on that one and you see no issue with such fellow travellers..."

That's because most normal people don't expect to align fully with everyone around them.

So what if I agree with a right wing person on one issue? Well, what about it? People are perfectly capable of disagreeing on one subject and agreeing on another. It completely natural.

Are you telling me that if a right wing person said something you would automatically disagree with that stance just based on the fact that the person saying it was right wing?

What if Nigel Farage discussed how child abuse was bad? Could you stand to align with him on that issue, and would you care when the nonces started saying to you "Funny how the right wing are behind you on that one and you see no issue with such fellow travellers..."? I doubt it.

OP ignore the extremists - your DH sounds like a good man. not a perfect one. your kids can grow up understanding both sides of a debate and decide for themselves. i know it's frustrating. mine still hasn't peaked on the trans thing. it drives me mad. i'm going to keep working on it though, cos that's what loved ones do.

hmm, you think you are saying the "right thing" - yes? well, guess what, most people who believe the opposite think they are doing the "right thing" too.

@NotGotAClue1 you may have answered this, but does your dh have a diverse group of friends?

I love how lefties talk about "tolerance" so much, but can't even tolerate their spouse's opinions.
Frankly, he's right that gender ideology shouldn't be taught in schools. It's all a dangerous lie and leads to children being sterilised and mutilated.

I love how lefties talk about "tolerance" so much, but can't even tolerate their spouse's opinions.

I think you’d be hard put to find a leftie who said racism and walking by while people drown should be tolerated.

Tolerance per se is not a virtue. It all depends on what you are tolerating.

This may come as a bit of a shock, but kids will not necessarily take your views. So probably best prepare yourself for that.

If they are smart they will take opinions from everyone around them and come to their own conclusions. Which may coincide with yours. And may not.

The most important thing to me is to teach them to be open minded and think carefully before choosing their opinions, to have empathy and to help them understand the dangers of extremism.

Also, this may be a fairly technical point, but illegal immigration is ... illegal !

That's why we have passports and visas.

I think there can be a thing that is more 'I am right and you are wrong' with some attitudes when it comes to politics so I guess work out what is more important being one of you think is right? Or your relationship as whole

I don’t understand why you bring up politics and show him articles if you find his views abhorrent. You aren’t going to change his mind, you don’t want to leave him, therefore the only thing to do is to avoid the controversial topics.

Thanks for all the responses, some interesting points.

We’ve actually spoken about it this morning and he clarified that of course he would never want or leave anyone to drown no matter who they are. We discussed our different views and I told him I don’t care about his political views being different to mine, I can live with that, but what I could never live with is someone thinking something so heartless is morally ok. I’m so glad we spoke about it because I was questioning who he was as a person but we are on the same page on the important things.

Be kind everyone :)

he’s anti illegal immigration, thought Rwanda was a good idea, thinks the rnli shouldn’t be involved

None of those things are particularly controversial and millions of people share some or all of them.

He's anti "illegal immigration" - well, who isn't? Who in their right mind supports illegal immigration? Either you want to stop people coming here, or you want to allow them to come safely and legally. Opposing the current situation of people making dangerous boat journeys isn't anything controversial. Few people would say the present situation is the ideal one.

He "thought Rwanda was a good idea." OK. On the face of it, it's a reasonable solution if Rwanda is a safe country and people are fleeing persecution. It's better to send asylum seekers somewhere safe than let them drown.

He "thinks the RNLI shouldn't be involved" - again, nothing controversial here. The RNLI shouldn't even need to be involved. Action should be taken to prevent overcrowded, unsafe vessels from attempting to cross the channel.

Thank you for the update, OP. I am glad to hear that.

I have very different views to my mum and I've found what works best is just to ask her lots of questions (genuine questions not ones designed to catch her out)- I usually find that what underlies her views isn't unreasonable (even though her conclusions can seem wrong to me) and actually what she thinks is often a bit more nuanced than her initial statements suggest. You can discuss your differing views without it being a debate you have to win and you may find that you end up understanding one another better.

I'm glad you talked things through OP.
This is why it's important not to write people off immediately because of differing views, you sound like you have a lot of respect for each other and are a loving family unit :)

Not wanting open borders, not wanting to teach children they can change gender, and a police officer noticing a stabbing in a deprived area might be gang related. All sounds fairly rational tbh. He’s hardly the uninomber, just someone who would have been a centrist 15 years ago.

The issue is not so much views as values. I would be fine living with someone who had much less liberal views on immigration than I do. I would not be fine who had values that could even contemplate the RNLI not rescuing people in small boats in the Channel.

I would be fine living with someone whose life experience led him to the view that violence in deprived areas might be gang related. I would not be fine with someone whose values accepted that a young victim of such violence should be treated with less respect and whose murder should be investigated less vigorously because of such potential involvement.

I'm glad you've managed to talk to him about it OP.

You're right. It's easy to respectfully disagree with political differences, but almost impossible to be so diametrically opposed on fundamental moral values.

@notwavingbutdrowning1 it isn’t tolerance if you selectively tolerate only people you agree with. That’s called totalitarianism.

Oh dear, @Squilliant. You seem to be confusing state tolerance with individual tolerance.