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Original poster

Being filmed by another diner in a fancy restaurant

284 replies

Changedmymindtoday22 · 04/07/2023 22:46

Here is the scenario.
I went to a very fancy restaurant this week.
A couple at the next table were very keen on filming every move they made on their phones, fine.
Next thing… they whip it out a tripod in the restaurant and place their phone to film themselves enjoying their meal.
The camera is also pointing at me.

They take the camera and I can see that I am also (unnecessarily captured) by the angle they were shooting.
They proceeded to do this 3 times, for a couple of minutes at a time.

WWYD in this situation?

A. Say nothing?
B. Ask couple to stop?
C. complain to fancy restaurant staff?

I did one of the 3, but am genuinely torn about what the best thing to do in this rather bizarre situation that made me quite uncomfortable.

I will share what happened next once I gauge opinions.

OP posts:
MermaidMummy06 · 05/07/2023 04:13

I'd be approaching them directly, as soon as the camera was being placed in it's tripod.

'Excuse me, please angle that camera the other way. I do not consent to being filmed and I expect my privacy and meal enjoyment to be respected.'

If they don't comply I'd be telling the restaurant manager to stop them filming or I'm leaving without paying.

I'm at a loss why people insist on filming everything. I won't go to concerts anymore as so many cameras are held up high as people watch through their screens as they film that I can't see the stage through them.

Fraaahnces · 05/07/2023 04:19

How utterly crass of them… bet they claim to be influencers and get their bloody meal for free.

JudgeRudy · 05/07/2023 05:21

I'd do C....but if it wasn't dealt with immediately I'd ensure they really didn't want me in their video. My embarrassment threshold is pretty high in these situations so I'd be OK being labelled a 'Karen'. I might initiate a little singsong, or perhaps stand up and do a little jig...

Astsjakksmso · 05/07/2023 05:27

Just ask them to point the camera away..?

Astsjakksmso · 05/07/2023 05:28

Or get a different table?
Personally I'd have demanded my meal be free

Astsjakksmso · 05/07/2023 05:29

×not free as in I'd have walked out. But I wouldn't want to pay for what I'd had, because it's the restaurant's fault for ruining the meal.

Mariposa26 · 05/07/2023 05:30

Just to note that a lot of restaurants work with influencers and actually ask them to be there on the condition they film a reel or TikTok video. They often get paid for this. You absolutely should not have been filmed and that’s out of order, but do consider this before criticising them for being “sad”. It’s a whole new way of advertising now.

AngelAurora · 05/07/2023 05:31

Changedmymindtoday22 · 04/07/2023 23:19

I was mortified because they told the couple I complained. We were only half way through our meal and I found the remainder uncomfortable as they knew I complained.

I would have expected the manager to act in a professional and discreet manner and just ask them to stop filming and ensure no one else was on the footage.

we were there for a special occasion, I was drinking champagne as a massive treat. It just spoilt it for me. The manager more than the weird couple with the tripod.

Oh grow up, you moaned to the staff instead of asking the couple directly. Get a grip of yourself. Honestly making an issue out of nothing.🙄

Shoxfordian · 05/07/2023 05:33

I wouldn’t have been bothered tbh; and the manager asked them to stop which is what you wanted so I don’t see how it was all ruined 🙄

VerasRaincoat · 05/07/2023 05:34

I’m guessing the restaurant was the Ivy? It has a name as a celebrity hangout and exclusive restaurant, but in reality it’s not exclusive at all it’s a chain and caters to the selfie Love Island fans who love to post all over social media.

I used to work in hospitality. I would email and dispassionately write about what happened, that it marred your enjoyment of the meal and the actions of the manager on duty were not professional (and you were in the footage, the manager just took the filming couple’s word for your not being in it).

When dining in a restaurant you do not expect to be filmed unless there is signage explicitly stating that so you can choose whether or not to be filmed. If it was the Ivy, I’d complain to the head office, rather than the individual restaurant.

Tripadvisor reviews are make or break for restaurants, so in your letter say you haven’t left a review yet and you are waiting to see if this issue can be resolved before doing so.

BeautifulWar · 05/07/2023 05:39

I would have done C, too, but I wouldn't have expected the manager to identify me! How indiscreet!

VerasRaincoat · 05/07/2023 05:40

@Astsjakksmso they shouldn’t have to. At a smart restaurant the host/Maître d'hôtel should have their eyes everywhere and prevent things like this happening.

When I worked in fine dining/events any behaviour that impacted my other diners negatively would warrant a warning, if they continued they would be asked to leave.

The op shouldn’t have had to complain, because putting up a tripod to film should have been super obvious to the floor staff and host and should have triggered the staff to action it being dealt with.

VerasRaincoat · 05/07/2023 05:45

@Mariposa26 this can be true, and I’ve worked with influencers, but only in casual dining, and they are brought in early on in a shift and in a discreet area where filming doesn’t impact other diners.

However I’ve never seen filming with tripods during service, it’s a trip hazard for starters for staff carrying glassware and hot food and for other diners.

YukoandHiro · 05/07/2023 05:51

I would do C, but would suspect nothing would happen because they're probably influencers on a freebie

Springbecamethesummer · 05/07/2023 05:55

You should have used your voice and told them, l personally think it's very rude, they could have informed you beforehand that they would be filming.Also poor that the restaurant allowed it.

SideWonder · 05/07/2023 05:56

B or C.

I really hate being in other people’s photos and selfies. Setting up a tripod in a restaurant is another level of self-absorption. And bad manners, frankly.

hengelian · 05/07/2023 05:56

I would also have done C and would feel exactly as you feel if the staff had acted that way.

They should have simply told the couple that they need to put the tripod away so as not to disturb other guests. Keep it general. It's obvious, they shouldn't have outed you particularly as the person who complained.

Sadly some people lack that social tact - but working at a fancy restaurant, the staff should be more aware. Once it was escalated to management it definitely should have been sorted, and they should train their staff.

So in your situation I would leave a negative review - not because of the filming but because of the lack of tact with which it was handled by both the waiter and the management. I'd also be expecting at least a partial refund and not just free drinks.

hengelian · 05/07/2023 05:59

Mariposa26 · 05/07/2023 05:30

Just to note that a lot of restaurants work with influencers and actually ask them to be there on the condition they film a reel or TikTok video. They often get paid for this. You absolutely should not have been filmed and that’s out of order, but do consider this before criticising them for being “sad”. It’s a whole new way of advertising now.

If the restaurant was working with them, they should have put them on a table a bit out of the way where the camera was facing a wall/ something neutral.

The fact that they didnt makes me think they probably weren't actually working with the restaurant but just filming their meal for their own channels.

Whatever the reason, this should have been handled a lot better.

SideWonder · 05/07/2023 06:01

to offer to move you to somewhere you're not on film

Or better still move the rude couple (into the corner near the loos). They were the disruptive ones, not @Changedmymindtoday22

But they should have been asked not to film Some people just have no idea.

Zanatdy · 05/07/2023 06:07

I’d have done the same as you, and the restaurant handled it badly. Fair enough they film themselves with their phones briefly, but setting up a camera to film their entire meal with other customers in the footage is not on. Who wanted to be on someone’s Instagram reel eating their dinner?! Inappropriate. I’d be tempted to send them an email saying how disappointed you were, the manager might learn from it then

PuddlesPityParty · 05/07/2023 06:10

OP I’m not being funny but I presume you’re an adult and can speak for yourself. What should have happened is that you firstly say something “sorry, I happened to notice I’m in that footage you just took. Please remove me from it as I am not comfortable being recorded.” And perhaps watch them crop it or remove it etc. if the recorders refused after you asked them nicely, then yes get the restaurant involved. I imagine the manager thought you had done this and is why he mentioned you specifically to the couple.

Jantlet · 05/07/2023 06:41

VerasRaincoat · 05/07/2023 05:40

@Astsjakksmso they shouldn’t have to. At a smart restaurant the host/Maître d'hôtel should have their eyes everywhere and prevent things like this happening.

When I worked in fine dining/events any behaviour that impacted my other diners negatively would warrant a warning, if they continued they would be asked to leave.

The op shouldn’t have had to complain, because putting up a tripod to film should have been super obvious to the floor staff and host and should have triggered the staff to action it being dealt with.

This^^

The managers sound like complete idiots.

Your experience was awful, no one would want to pay good money for that. I’d expect every penny to be refunded, so start with a comprehensive complaint to the restaurant, before you post an online review.

(After a scathing review on Tripadvisor, the restaurant will likely post a quick covering their arses type reply with a blurring of the facts. TA automatically don’t allow you to respond to this for a month, but that just gives you time to compose a comprehensive missive which delivers the final blow.)

Astsjakksmso · 05/07/2023 06:49

VerasRaincoat · 05/07/2023 05:40

@Astsjakksmso they shouldn’t have to. At a smart restaurant the host/Maître d'hôtel should have their eyes everywhere and prevent things like this happening.

When I worked in fine dining/events any behaviour that impacted my other diners negatively would warrant a warning, if they continued they would be asked to leave.

The op shouldn’t have had to complain, because putting up a tripod to film should have been super obvious to the floor staff and host and should have triggered the staff to action it being dealt with.

I'm not sure which of my posts you are replying to, but if what 'should' have happened actually happened there would be no OP. So it's irrelevant.

The easiest route is the filming people themselves, failing that the restaurant. If the restaurant still refused to take any action then I'd kick up a fuss. But I wouldn't pay for a meal that had been ruined.

There's a hierarchy of actions here

Theos · 05/07/2023 06:51

Where was it?

OMGitsnotgood · 05/07/2023 06:55

I would have done D: wave and pull funny faces, it would ruin their video even if it didn't get the message over.