To choose to have my baby in my bed instead of my husband?

[ibella]

I co-slept when my baby was newborn after getting so desperate for sleep that I just had to. I follow the safe sleep guidelines and breast feed exclusively. Husband went into the spare room for a few months. All fine.

Baby is coming up to 6 months and understandably my husband wants to come back but I'm just not ready. I'd love more kids but it's not on the cards. I know this is my last baby, and I love co-sleeping. I feel so bonded to him, I love when he wakes and cries as soon as he sets eyes on me it turns to a smile. He nuzzles into me and falls back asleep. Pops on and off a boob as needed. I just love it, it's such a short and special time and I have my entire life to share a bed with my husband, my baby will only be this little for such a short amount of time. I just want to be close to him while I can be.

My husband is understanding about it, and he's being patient from an intimacy perspective as exclusive breastfeeding absolutely kills my sex drive dead in the water so whatever bed he's in doesn't change that for now. He just wants to be in the same bed again really.

AIBU? Ps I don't want a pile on about the risks, only in western culture do we seem so intent of being separate from our babies.

YABU and selfish tbh

No she isnt!!

YANBU. They are only little for such a short time. I co-slept with mine for the first year, do whatever makes you happy

Sound bliss tbf. Like you say it wont be forever. But i just worry about separation habits for sleeping the longer it goes on

Selfish? For prioritising the bond with your baby? I don’t think so. Your DH is an adult and will cope fine with a few months sleeping on a sofa. If your child was 3 then I’d be saying you need to move on but at 6 months they’re still so little. Crack on.

Bolt a cotbed on to the side of your bed for more room, then all three of you can sleep in there together.

Can DH not sleep in your bed with you and the baby?

A baby a few months old is going to want to be with their mother. If you were talking about a 3 year old then your husband might have a point, but a baby? You're fine op.

What a stupid comment.

OP YANBU. 6 months pp id pick my baby too 😍

I'm torn on this, a settee is far from comfortable and I feel sorry for your husband but they're only little once.

No, she isn’t.

My marriage has survived 21 years and 3 co sleeping babies/children until they were 4 years old.

Still co sleeping with our 2 year old. dh has mostly been in the same bed too, but sometimes not, depending on his work.

Co-slept until age 3. Husband was in agreement.

You must remember to nurture your marriage along with your bond to your child.

All going in together doesn't really work as it's only safe if I'm in between him and baby. Baby feeds a lot but one boob at a time so I end up swapping what side of him I'm lying throughout the night for him to have the other boob, so unless I'm waking husband up every time to also move, it just doesn't work? I find if I try and do both boobs from the same side it's uncomfy and wakes me up whereas if I just switch sides I usually fall back asleep during the feed

Yanbu, enjoy those baby snuggles.

He's not on a sofa! He's in a spare bedroom with a bed.

I mean, it's his bedroom. I don't think it's fair to say he should be the one to sleep elsewhere, if I were you, I'd go in the spare room myself. If that's not an issue to him though I guess it's fine.

I do agree with a PP who said you need to be careful not to neglect your relationship though, it's so important.

Presumably DH is in a bed in the spare room? Could you not make that bed baby's bed? Then you can start your night in your room with DH then go to baby/move between beds as necessary.
I still cosleep with my 15 month old, and this is what I do.
The co sleeping experience is so special, but your relationship with DH is important too.

Get a bigger bed and all sleep together. We coslept with ours till they were two in a super king bed! All 4 of us. It was lovely for us all.

I think this is good advice. Of course you want to enjoy your baby, but do take care not to neglect your marriage. It is so easy to do without noticing until it's too late.

I understand where you're coming from. Be careful though you may not necessarily have the rest of your life to sleep with your husband if he feels pushed out. Is there some sort of compromise you can come up with?

YABU

You want to continue to co-sleep, thats fine. But your husband wants to share a bed with his wife, which is also fine. So why not find a solution that allows all three of you to share a bed such as baby in a cotbed with the side down bolted onto your side of the bed?

You're perfectly within reason to want to pick your baby, just bear in mind its also his choice whether or not he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you. You don't share a bed, you aren't intimate as no sex drive. Do you still act affectionate towards him? Do you still kiss and cuddle? Tell him you love him? Go on a little date maybe?

While wanting to cosleep with your baby is reasonable, expecting your DH to be ok with being left out completely in the cold for over 6 months isn't. You will probably find you won't have a lifetime of sharing his bed in that case.

Does it have to be all or nothing? Maybe you could trial a night or two with your DH sharing the bed with you both?

I get that it sounds tricky and might not be doable. But maybe explain to DH that you're willing to try a night or two but forsee it being problematic?

Or is it that DH is requesting you end co sleeping so he can come back? If so, is it specifically his bed he wants to go back to or is it that he wants to sleep next to you?

you need to find a way to rebuilt intimacy with your DH. that might not mean full sex and it might not mean sleeping in the same bed, but there needs to be something there.