To not work full time?

[Lazym]

I have two children 16 and 12. Since my oldest turned 7 months I have worked part time. I cleaned in the evening for 8 years and for last 7 1/2 years I've worked in a supermarket 4 mornings a week, 4 - 8. Obviously when kids were younger this worked out well as I was back home for the school run and partner went to work. My youngest started secondary in September, so now childcare costs aren't an issue I've had comments from partner about finding a full time job. My point is I enjoy my job and am good at it so why should I leave this job to potentially start a job I could hate? The job I have doesn't have full time hours. I contribute to the household financially, pay for two weeks of food shopping every month and pretty much pay for all of the kids needs/clothes. One example, just spent £200 on my lad for his prom, partner paid nothing. So I work and do the usual household chores cook, clean, washing etc. Partner is very money obsessed, but I feel I pay my way too. From when they were very young he's always swanned off and done his own thing, leaving me to it. Another issue with working full time is my lad will be starting college in sept and he'll need a lift to the train station which is 6 miles away and collecting, so how am I supposed to do that? Just needed an opinion. Can never reason with partner as he's never wrong.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune yes you are quite correct. I had meant to add OP needs to ensure protected as it can be a vulnerable position to be in. Women must always have a job….

Plenty of parents work two FT jobs;it's not impossible.

Many people don't want to work FT but must do so anyway.

Just like in Victorian times, you are in a relationship with a man who doesn’t see you as his equal and you have no right to the assets of the relationship. I’d be very very keen to work in your shoes as you have no safety net, but I agree you should try for put me on the deeds of the house and I will look for a job, otherwise I will get a better job when you backpay me for 16 years of caring for our children while you did whatever you like, and when you start doing half the work around the house. At least that way you have security while you get a job and build some income. Then in a few years you can tell him it’s his fault if the kids aren’t close to him and also he can wash his own clothes and cook his own meals from now on.

I could never ever be with a man who didn’t see me as his equal in the relationship, and who didn’t cook and clean and do his share.

Of course not, she should work full time and only do 50% of the housework. If he refuses to do the other 50%, OP should leave him.
But then she would have to work full time to pay her bills, and she is unwilling to do that.

You're naive if you think that theres nothing to do in a home when kids hit their teens. Until they actually leave the house is still a place with human beings in it.

You're naive if you think everyone tidying up their own mess and two adults working full time isn't entirely plausible. We both work full time with two pre-schoolers and manage perfectly fine.

Go to college part-time too. New beginnings. Save as much as you are able into a just-in-case-fund and plan the next stage of your life, with or without Scrooge.

You're naive if you think that theres nothing to do in a home when kids hit their teens.

nobody said 'nothing'. But in most cases it really isn't a full time job.

I worked full time and did professional qualifications and was a single parent to 3 with an unreliable ex who couldn't be depended on to stick to access arrangements.

I had to do all my own housework and all the life admin and work and study.

The op will get a shock if she splits from her partner.

Indeed, so better to be earning full time wages in case that ever happens.

Well I guess she better start crossing her fingers really hard then.

Yep. I have 2 teens. I'm starting to wonder what I'm not doing. I have loads of free time even with a full time job.

It's very risky not being married and not having the house in joint names. You should not be happy with that arrangement when you have been together for a long time. You have no security and yet he has benefited as you have sacrificed working to raise his children. If that was me I would be having a serious talk about changing the mortgage/deeds (whatever you have) so that you are both named on it, otherwise I'm not sure I'd even want to be in that relationship.

How many more women with children to a so-called partner who's tight with money, and have ZERO security.

OP I'd be getting a full time job pronto. It's the ONLY security you'll have.

If you don't have any claim to the house then as long as you cover your half of the bills then it's really none of his business what you earn.

Have you spoken to him about the housework and having to drop your ds at college? Maybe write a list of all the things you currently do and show him what he'd have to take on if you went ft.

I'd be getting a full time job for your benefit. You've put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Wow, you are leave yourself in a very unstable position! Do you realise you won’t get anything if you split as your not married? Why the f are you not on mortgage???

See how many years of taking the full mental load you've done? All the years of housework and child rearing? The huge detriment to your earning potential you have done by not being in a full time role? All of that counts for diddly squat because you aren't married. He clearly doesn't see it as work for you, even though it absolutely is. So if you guys split up you are stuffed.
I say all of that as a person who has enabled my own husband to progress in his career while I have done everything else. With two out of three DC with extra needs and supporting DH through endless mental health crises and alcoholism, I am now in the position where I am doing everything I can to create income streams for myself. The difference between you and me, OP, is that DH and I are married so I have a legally enshrined right to an amount of everything I have helped to build.
Marriage is not some Victorian anachronism, it serves as legal protection for both partners, whatever their roles within the partnership.

Could you look into/build towards higher paid but not quite full time work, OP? There is more flexibility than ever before around hours and locations (home based) of work. It is possible to increase earnings and still work, for example, 4 days a week or flexible hours?

Not at all, when I was responding to the original reply I thought they were referring to why do we have children but not married, I thought it wasn't that uncommon these days.

Yes, sadly. Partner already had house an mortgage when I met him. His brothers ex took him to the cleaners when they split so probably thinks I'd be the same.

It does make me laugh when women are still part-time and their kids are nearly college age, yet they claim to have lots to do so can't work 🤣. I work ft with 3 kids, 2, 5 and 7, life is busy and we always have lots on, lots of dashing about taking kids to places in the evenings and weekends but it's fine. Mornings are hectic I get up 30min earlier than the kids at 6 to clean up for half an hour, getting everyone up and out is an ordeal but once the kids are gone there's really nothing to do that I wouldn't have if I had no kids, granted there's more washing and the house gets messier quicker but I manage to whip round in 30min before work. I stick the washer on at lunch and food is made once we finish work (my husband is in charge of food shopping and cooking). So how are they filling hours in the day, older kids should be washing their own clothes and bedding etc (they aren't exactly time consuming tasks with the invention of the washer and dryer anyway!). I genuinely wonder what part-timers with older kids are so busy with?

I'm surprised by a lot of the responses here. Just goes to show the work within the home is never correctly valued even by women. Id be saying I will get a job with more hours when you start doing half the house work and school runs. He will need to find a way to take the children to the train station 2-3 days a week.

I'm sure there is a balance you can come that you are both happy with. If you work in a supermarket, could you not pick up some extra hours when the shop is open? Or maybe find a second part time job while keeping your current one?

In my current have job, I could probably do 5 days.

Just goes to show the work within the home is never correctly valued even by women

Unless the OP lives in a mansion or is obsessively house proud, she is not spending 24 hours in an a week (the amount of time needed to bring her "working hours" up to 40 along with her part time job) on housework and childcaring when she has a partner and 2 teens.

If women want their work at home to be seriously valued then they should not overegg how long it takes.

Him doing his bit at home sounds good on paper but I know from experience when I worked full time before children, he did nothing then so I don't think he'll change now.