Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

[Bubbly8382]

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

4. Last but by far the worst……
   Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

Bizarre that anyone thinks any of this behaviour was OK!!
Rude and disrespectful and an arsehole of a friend to do any of those things in your home. They must live like a rat in a sewer...

The burping is rank
how unattractive can you get?!

I'm also in agreement with this.

Firstky, you really can't be precious about your sofa if you choose to eat on it and direct guests to do so. If I was in her situation I think I would have put the wrapper on the sofa too - where else is it supposed to go? You directed her to eat on the sofa, that's what she did? If you were that bothered you should have said something like 'really sorry, we don't have a table so we'll have to eat on the sofa. It is quite a nice one though so, without wanting to sound really uptight, could you please just be careful you don't get any food on it? I know its a pain, sorry!'
Because that's what it is...it's a pain being a guest in someone's house and being forced to sit on the sofa to eat your dinner (which I would hate btw) and then being policed as to how you eat/what you do with your fish paper...she's on a sofa, what is she supposed to do with it? People who are precious about their sofas eat at the table!

The belching would REALLY annoy me, but that's the only thing out of your list I would get worked up about and ironically that's the only thing she couldn't control.

All smokers are unaware of how annoying wandering smoke is for others. You could have just asked her to go further outside. Simple. If I was close enough friends with someone to have them stay, I'd be able to say something like 'your smoke is still wafting in could you go a bit more outside please.' If they refused then that would be the time to call them rude and get upset. Her laughing/making a joke just sounds like a natural reaction between friends or possibly her feeling embarrassed that you've asked her to stop something/accused her of something.

Sounds like you just don't like her anyway. Why did you have her to stay?

& the posters thinking it's OK 😂

Your friend wasnt a great guest but it also sounds like you are nitpicking. Your friendship hasnt survived the pandemic. She's become your bitch eating crackers. Friendship expired

Agree. It makes it v clunky to read.

I really don't understand the tone of some of these replies. Yes you could have asked him to close doors, etc etc, but you shouldn't really have to. It's basic good manners when in someone else's home.

But anyway, some people are great to have as friends but terrible house guests or holiday mates. Your friend sounds like one of these.

I cant see anything to think they didnt give a warm welcome until the friends disrespected them.

Are you usually so rude?

Quite baffled by all the comments saying you need to tell people not to let smoke into your house, belch, put greasy chip paper on your settee when you gave them a plate then wake you ip at 3am. All these things are just good manners in my book.

Agreed. I've been thinking lately though that a lot of people haven't had good manners instilled in them when young or they've been spoilt so think it's their world and we just live in it. Frustrating!

The fish and chips should have been served at the table, not at the couch, but that was up to YOU to be sure your furniture didn't get wrecked by greasy food. If your guest balked, just pleasantly point to the dining room table and tell them you always eat there, not in front of the TV. As for the smoking, that's where you need to reinforce your position on making them go outside and away from the house. And about the noise, just suck it up; have some tea with them and wave goodbye as they head out to get the train.

Are you usually so invested in a load of old bollocks?

Your friend accidentally woke you up when they got up in the middle of the night to leave and your friend burped. I've had worse guests.

YANBU

Nobody has a right to treat you with disrespect in your home.

I had someone stay at my home, against my wishes, because my ex (husband at the time) wanted to help a "friend" of his.

That "friend" had a sister who "desperately" needed a place to stay.

She proceeded to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted without ever asking (which I repeatedly made clear was NOT okay).

She put coffee grounds in the water reservoir of the coffee maker, which could have broken it. She also hadn’t put the coffee pot back so water and coffee grounds proceeded to go all over my kitchen counter (she did this more than once while claiming she didn't know our coffee maker worked THAT way).

She "borrowed" my new sneakers (shoes) to WALK 10 MILES to get smokes WITHOUT ASKING (she had feet that are at least 2 full sizes BIGGER than mine); I would have driven her if she had ASKED.

She acted high af most of the time and after she left I found a couple loose pills in my carpet in the room she slept in.

She was only supposed to stay for 2 weeks and ended up staying 6-8 weeks instead. I threatened to kick my husband out and threatened law enforcement involvement just to get her out.

Sometimes, having people in your home just isn't worth it even when you're "helping" people.

Your old bollocks are someone else's real dilemma or she wouldn't have asked the question. Isn't that what MN is form, to get helpful input?

No, she asked am I being unreasonable, some people think she is, are you unfamiliar with the concept of this specific board?

Again, you seem awfully over invested, sock puppetry is frowned upon here, again you may be unfamiliar with this as you have spectacularly missed the point of AIBU.

Are you the ‘friend’ . Windy or not, loud belching is just deliberate and most people can’t get back to sleep if woken at three am, I know I can’t

Totally familiar with the concept - that is what I call 'helpful input' finding out whether others think you are being reasonable or not.

I really don't see what is over-investment here and I don't think you understand what you are accusing me of : 'A sockpuppet is a phony name or identity created by an online user to argue, bully or review products as another person.' '

Nothing the OP wrote was obsessive.

This made me laugh as last year I very nearly posted something similar about a friend who stayed over a few nights.

They (gay male pal I’ve known for almost 30 years) left the toilet in a total state 2 nights running - I’m talking skid marks on the seat on one occasion - there was cleaning stuff in the bathroom before anyone asks.

They also ate me out of house and home and drank the place dry, and I had plenty in, believe me.

Kept asking for specific stuff I didn’t have in too, ‘any plain crisps? ‘ Got any coke as I prefer that to Pepsi’ kind of things - they brought one fiver bottle of wine and stayed Friday to Sunday.

One of the days we went for lunch to a nice local place and I ended up paying for that and taxis each way cause they forgot their bank card and had no cash on them - they then later offered to transfer £25 when the whole day out had cost roughly £100 but I declined and said they could get it next time, as yet that’s not happened and we have met up a couple of times since.

Before anyone says I don’t sound as if I like them, actually I really did but having someone stay as opposed to meeting up is a different ballgame so I definitely get where you are coming from OP - I have the total ick with them now.

There’s no way I would be having my friend to stay again, it just pissed me off too much and it would be the end of the friendship sadly.

The smoking thing wouldn't bother me so much as all my family are smokers. So it's the normal for me to have smokers at the garden door.

The belching etc is disgusting. No manners.

The chips woosh you'd be lucky to leave my house with all your fingers.

Its more the laughing at you bit which would pee me off. Accidents happen, people can be selfish and not realise how loud they are, only human, whatever excuse you can think of. But it's the fact they know you're peeved but carried on regardless

I think you’ve already made up your mind. I think you could have politely spoken up for yourself though - why not ask them to step away from the door and shut the internal doors. Remind them they had said 5am, or not got up and just put your fingers in your ears 😂

The fish and chips should have been served at the table, not at the couch

How many bloody times - the OP doesn’t have a dining table.