I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

[Lostsoul0307]

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

What's the relevance of an imperfect victim here? If the OP said she got drunk, carried away with the raucous atmosphere, went under the flag and the stripper coerced her or assaulted her in that moment, I would believe her. The actual story concocted by the OP is a lot less believable than that though! Not because I don't think women can be sexual, but because the OP's posts read as bullshit.

If anything, this thread will be used to undermine other women who are victims as the motivation is clearly to push an agenda that women are devious, hypocritical, not to be trusted, predatory...

There are so many issues being discussed at once but I wasn't talking about the issue of consent or paying for sex when I said it's middle class to understand performing sex acts in front of other people in the context of a swinger party vs this situation that people think is so trashy and inappropriate. Are people just saying women wouldn't act like that because the man is a sex worker? I started thinking it was a class thing, but I apologize.

Ah ok, I understand I think, although I diaagree. For me anyway (you're right there are lots of different discussions going on), doing this to someone as part of their job role is a very major part of why it's grim. The other aspect being the unaware partner.

Tbh also the cream but that's more niche ... I just think it sounds gross but I won't eat peanuts or crisps from shared bowls either. All those germs.

I don't know about class in this context necessarily, but a sex party suggests everyone there is consenting and the whole set up is designed around it being genuinely erotic - isn't Killing Kittens set up and run by women specifically to cater to female desires? I don't know what happens at a KK event but I'm willing to bet it doesn't involve men stripping and getting out squirty cream and Union Jack flags. Because that scenario is at best comical and ludicrous, at worst gross and mortifying (and sooo unhygienic!). Anyone I know who's seen a male stripper has laughed about it and made fun of it but not actually found it arousing. It's a really different environment to strip clubs featuring female strippers catering to men.

Ah the class issue is the Union Jack.

I take it that by significantly bigger than average cock you mean bigger than your husbands?

Fess up. This is pure fantasy, isn't it?

You're overthinking this. I actually want this to be true but it doesn't "ring" true to me. It wouldn't surprise me if this was written by a msn, maybe even as a spoof. I am convinced that some celebrity comedians contribute to MN threads for a laugh;

To clarify, an HIV test would be regarded as conclusive between 45 and 90 days after the event depending on the type of test (not six months)
https://i-base.info/guides/testing/what-is-the-window-period

Still a pretty long time to abstain from sex in a sexually active relationship without a valid reason. Unless the OP is going to gaslight her DH into thinking he's done something wrong for 45 to 90 days to avoid sleeping with him. That's just adding another layer of awfulness into this.

The responsible thing to do is to get tested, tell her DH and then test again at the appropriate point. It's his choice whether he forgives her, but it's not her choice not to tell him.

3-4 minutes behind the flag? That's a full-on blow job and everyone at that party will know exactly what you were doing as well. You don't need 3 or 4 minutes to lick off a bit of cream!

But...... you're not the first married woman to do this on a hen night and no doubt you won't be the last.

Sorry, but I call bs. I used to date a stripper, and he would have lost his job if this happened as it is essentially prostitution.

did he go to private parties like in the OP's case?

@Sleepydoor He mainly performed at shows, but sometimes parties. I know women did throw themselves at him, but he and the other strippers were very wary about anything happening. I always found it all quite laughable and deeply unsexy to be honest.

But you agree that the women did throw themselves at the strippers, which is the point, since many women on this thread insist women would NEVER, too deeeeeply unsexy, etc.

@Sleepydoor throwing themselves at a stripper is quite a step away from a 4 minute blow job in front of a bunch of hens. I don't think this is a genuine post, it does not ring true.

Whole lot of fucking yikes in this thread. OP doing this and then lying to her husband about it is one thing, but the apologists saying "oh it's not that bad, you don't have to tell him" are even worse! Not exactly advancing the cause here!

In swingers clubs couple goes in and both have agreed to whatever is going on,not my thing I am one mans woman and as far as i know my husband is one womans man- we like our life without drama and std-s.

why assume if someone has standards,morals and values they are prude?

What cause would that be?

The apologists are the minority though - the poll says 85% think OP is unreasonable.

@Anon1612 There is a difference between having standards, morals and values and being extremely judgmental as you have just proven yet again in your post because of course being a swinger means your going to have std’s and a life full of drama doesn’t it?

So you offered some advice, then you changed you mind and offered the exact opposite advice?

Based on the above, can you see why MN is an AWFUL place to ask for advice?

Looks like you have truely fucked it haven't you?

Give you a few days to sort your shit out. You better not be here when I get home Friday.

Is this you @Lostsoul0307 with a name change or has your DH found the thread?

Well this took a turn 😳

Is it appropriate to point out SPAG errors at a moment like this?*

*Asking for a friend.