I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

[Lostsoul0307]

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

You are not only one..i wouldnt even think of doing it if i was single. So rank and cheap eugh, i cant understand how lowly someone must think of themselves to lick random mans genitals

Nope, @BigTitsMcStuffin , the thread is damaging because of the posters swooping in on the minority of posts which say the OP did nothing wrong/shouldn't own up and claiming those are evidence of 'classic MN double standards', adding fuel to the fire of those posters who come on to threads about rape and murder and domestic violence and try to minimise it on the grounds that 'women do it too!' It's inciting the deeply tedious 'what if the sexes were reversed?' posters who try to derail threads all the time. It's being misrepresented over and over as being a thread in which posters are overwhelmingly supportive of female infidelity despite that really not being the case. The OP has been repeatedly condemned (and I'd be bothered about the posts calling slag and slut if I believed the OP was in any way genuine, luckily it's not!) But still posters pile on claiming it as 'proof' of hypocrisy, and they'll use this fictional wank thread to undermine supportive threads and to try to stop women from raising their standards and recognising abuse. Mumsnet is very valuable in helping women to understand red flags and identify dangerous male behaviour; as such there are people heavily invested in ridiculing and undermining it as a base of empowerment and support for women. This thread helps those people.

I wonder what responses would be if the OP had written that her husband was at a stag do and spent three or four minutes with his tongue between a woman's legs!

They'd be telling her to LTB

Its not being 'naughty' at a hen do or whether or not its ok for women to be sexual that's being offered for our consideration though, is it?
The OPs situation involves issues that are frequently discussed and taken very seriously on this forum. The use and exploitation of another person for sexual gratification, the issue of consent when a person is being paid, the betrayal of a spouse with a sex worker. Invariably threads with these themes involve male behaviour, as is reflective of life.
Any OP taking these almost exclusively male behaviours and superimposing them on to a woman perpetrator in an invented incident, would be quite clearly an attempt to damage women.

There are some people who only read the first post and said not to say anything and some who read the update and are still saying the OP should not tell her husband.

Why shouldn't people be allowed to call the double standard out? Because if we admit women can behave badly or be hypocrites we risk increased tolerance for rape, murder and domestic violence?

We need to accept the idea of the imperfect victim. Slut shaming women with different sexual responses doesn't make all women safer.

I'm objecting to the women on this thread saying the op's story can't be real because everyone knows women don't behave like this, women don't feel like this, or respond like this. Or if they do, they are crazy or deranged. No one is saying she behaved well and pretty much everyone agrees she cheated on her husband.

You keep saying that disbelief is founded on a woman enjoying a sex act which is just ridiculous. Read the OP's posts, especially the final one which claims they've had so much support they feel validated in continuing to lie. Would the OP, if really in this situation, find this thread overwhelmingly supportive, @BigTitsMcStuffin ? No, of course not. If you believed it up til then, that was the clincher and made the agenda very plain. The bad writing made it fairly obvious before then - not bad because it said a woman can get horny, that's not the problem. But men have been coming on to MN since time immemorial writing really badly disguised wank fodder threads and you get a sense for them after a while! Plenty of genuine threads exist which discuss women's sexuality; this isn't one of them. And attempts to shut people down by accusing them of frigidity and pearl clutching is an example of misogyny, yes, and you've done plenty of that.

So if no one is saying she behaved well and most people agree it's cheating then where is the double standard?

It’s a horrible thread, it’s debasing at its core, not just due to the content of its op, but due to many of its responses that are deeply concerning, ie it’s just a bit of silliness, or the obvious double standards and hypocrisy, or the posters salivating and wanting more detail. Fortunately enough posters have called it out

overall it makes grim reading, and what’s worse of all is the fact there is little recognition for the fact this isn’t just prostitution, that male stripper may have not wanted the op to go as far as she did.

Just because he’s male and he’s a stripper doesn’t mean he finds any woman attractive and wants her to go that far, he may have been repulsed by the fact she took it so far. And in that its sexual assault. The whole well he’s male, part of his routine is uou lick some cream off, so of course he was up for a full on blow job is beyond bullshit.

I'm afraid I don't have one as I know nothing about it.

Come on OP update....is this post....
True/false/broken up from school early and bored already?

How do any of us know if the OP is male or female.

Close male friends have been known to go to hen party's. 🥳

How do we know if the OP isn't a man, men can have a DH to, and a guilty conscience.

It’s still going 🤣🤣

Cracking entertainment😀

Yes 😂

OP

What kind of BJ was it? A regular hand and mouth one or one of those gagging to the oesphagus ones we see in porn (he was a stripper) 😀

Are you insane? Why on earth would you ever tell him? If you feel guilty just accept that as a punishment for erring. If you think confessing will make you feel better, it might also wreck your life and his.

Quite

This.
We're getting them quite regularly of late. Always some scenario featuring an issue of typically male bad behaviour regurgitated with the sexes reversed.
Up next "My teen DS is scared to walk to school because groups of middle aged women in vans keep shouting lewd comments at him..."

I guess if you consider that if your DH went to a stag do and got a 4 minute blowjob from a stripper is not cheating on you then you're in the clear. If however you'd consider that cheating then you have a problem.

I wonder if there was a decision at the top when Anne Summers started advertising, to allow smutty fiction threads in an attempt to drive behaviours, which might make mners want to buy their naff tat? It’s such an obvious departure from their mission statement.

Take it to your grave. Telling your husband could ruin your marriage. Put it down to a stupid drunken mistake and try to forget it.

Maybe he wasn't a stripper at all...

Could have been the JUST EAT delivery bloke ...
and OP misinterpreted..

You sucked another man's penis in a public place full of witnesses who have a good idea who you are. If DH considers that cheating that's a massive red flag imo 😂

Sorry, massive 🇬🇧flag