I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

[Lostsoul0307]

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

I love men and I love sex.

But I don't find naked men arousing, especially not strange naked men with whipped cream on their cock.

I'm not saying all women are like me and no women have ever been turned on by the sight of a naked man, but I do find this thread unconvincing.

Get some standards.

Jesus. It’s 2023 and women still cannot enjoy sex without being branded as mentally unwell or ‘cheap’ or think lowly of themselves.

@Anon1612 you and @BansheeofInisherin may wish to lie down in a dark room with some smelling salts once you hear that there are swingers clubs round the country where they hold ‘greedy girls’ sessions and people can watch!😮 and it’s verrrry popular.

Swinging is absolutely fine. As long as OP's husband agrees to her swinging.

Definitely some very weird posts here, and there is an agenda. Because now giving a blow job to a strange man in public is "enjoying sex".

How do you explain swingers clubs? Killing Kittens parties, etc.? Women being aroused by naked men and giving head around other people. Is this a class issue?

86% of posters think OP is being unreasonable so I don't think this thread suggests a great double standard whereby women think it's fine to cheat. Seems like not many are on OP's side so I don't know what all the posts saying it would be so different if it was a man are talking about?

Yeah. Also when you do something people of both sexes could (quite rightly) call the police on you both for doing in front of them without their wanting you to, that's a feminist issue apparently.

Get some standards was about right.

There is a deep despair for humanity to be found when you see that 14%, though.

Maybe I'm just being a glass is 14% despair person. Could be worse.

I hope that no-one is killing kittens.

I'm not sure what you mean here but attending a private dwelling where you know a stripper is going to be removing his clothes does not bring the same public decency standards you have with a public place and then the flag is another factor.

Consent and preparation (and not being totally pissed) is part of going to sex parties. It's a pretty different scenario to a - let's face it, ridiculous - male stripper squirting cream and waving flags at a hen do. It's just not a very sexy scenario and the spontaneous bj under the Union Jack sounds a bit far-fetched in these circumstances.

Seriously though, I can't explain why a minority of women are into swinging. Some will be pressured into it by the menfolk. Others will have an exhibitionism fetish and genuinely enjoy it. Others may be hyper sexual because they have issues.

I think the posters here who are defending the sexuality of a woman who gives a public blowjob to a man who is being paid for his services on a hen night, need to get some standards.

Nothing wrong with sex and enjoying it. Nothing wrong with swinging if you're into that.

Something very wrong with publicly giving a sex worker a blow job in front of your mates.

If OP is a genuine poster, I think she knows that by now.

The poster who said her behaviour is normal is way off the mark.

I think there are some agendas being pushed on this thread.

I’d keep quiet, what good will come from telling him. Unless you can’t live with the guilty?

I think it was obvious from page one that there would be a lack of shared understanding of the difference between the truth and the fevered imaginings of the MRA.😂

I am not defending her sexuality. I personally would not go to see strippers I don't think it's funny (like some people here are insisting ALL women view it); I think it's depressing and sad. I am not defending swingers either (I could never do it). I am not defending sex acts in public which this ISN'T as it took place in a private dwelling with people who all agreed to participate (much like swingers and I think it's very middle class to say one is understandable and one isn't).

I am taking issue with people saying this cannot be true because women never behave this way and women never view strippers like this and this never happens, when I know it does happen.

No idea why some of that is struckthrough.

It's so weird how they keep popping up like you all think it's one rule for women then what about the men???? as though it's some amazing gotcha - errr, no, 86% of people say it's not ok for a woman to do this either. It's such a weird distortion when we can all read the thread and see that it isn't true!

(I think anyone using the phrase 'Mumsnet double standards/hypocrisy at it's finest!' should get an insta-ban, they're always so crushingly obtuse)

I've been a woman for almost 40 years and I've never heard of anyone I know behaving this way on a hen night. The hen nights I've been on did not involve strippers and whipped cream on penises. I don't think this is because I'm middle class. If there are women out there doing this, they are a minority.

@hammie46i While I assume that those who use sex workers in any guise are in the minority, it remains big business.
Few of us make our best decisions under the influence of drink or drugs and within the conditions that the the OP says were encouraged, it's easy for people to get carried away.
I would hope that as potential jurors, many of those who find the OP's story implausible or impossible would be sympathetic to an 'imperfect victim' of a non-consensual sex act who is undermined by reference to her consensual past activities.

I've been that "imperfect victim" in the past.

I still find this thread to be BS.

Go back and read all of OP's posts. Tell me that it doesn't sound like a teenage boy or an account of what men tend to find erotic. OP claims she feels terrible, but she sounds proud. I smell a rat.

I don’t think a teenage boy in 2023 would have made a Hyacinth Bouquet reference, personally.

I also think it’s noteworthy that this thread is still up. I find that MNHQ are generally overzealous in closing threads (even where they are receiving a lot of traffic) if they get a faint whiff of troll. For this thread to have survived, I’d assume it must be a long-standing poster who has name changed.

They usually comment to tell us that.

1/10.

"much like swingers and I think it's very middle class to say one is understandable and one isn't"

Sorry, @Sleepydoor are you saying you think sleeping with paid sex workers is a working class thing but swinging with other consenting non paid adults is a middle class thing?

What's the thinking there? The middle classes won't pay when they can get it for free? The working classes are too stupid to realise they can get it for free? Only middle class people care about consent? Am baffled by this thought process.

Swingers come from all sectors of society btw, as do punters.

Are you Monica Lewinsky? Oral sex isn’t ex??? Your behaviour is disgusting!