Single mother DD, refusing to get a job.

[LiloAndS]

Hello everyone.
My DD is 30 and a mum of two (9yo girl and 4yo boy). My DD fell pregnant with her eldest young, accidently and with her first, long term boyfriend. Unfortunately, he did not step up to the plate and left DD when she was halfway through her pregnancy and has had nothing to do with my granddaughter for her whole life. DD lived with us until granddaughter was around 2, then moved in to her own flat. Shortly after, she met a new guy who seemed lovely, but fell pregnant pretty much straight away. I will say, this was definitely unplanned and a very upsetting time for my daughter. She considered abortion multiple times, to the point where she had a consultation booked twice and had me drive her, but ultimately could not go through with it. New guy turned out to be not so lovely, and also wanted nothing to do with his child. DD was depressed for her whole pregnancy and struggled to bond with the baby inside her. Thankfully, she fell in love as soon as he was born. I want to add, my daughter is a fantastic mother, her whole life revolves around the children, they are happy, clean, well cared for, etc, etc. But the reality is, she has been on benefits all this time. Fast forward to now and her youngest has just been diagnosed with autism. He is only just learning to speak and has some challenging behaviour, I'll admit that. DD has been awarded DLA and carer's money for him. She told me today, work is not on her mind at the moment as her little boy needs her, and she has decided to dedicate the next few years to helping him develop. I just feel so sad for her. She could be going to college, getting a part time job and meeting people. I worry about her future. She has no partner to help or support her. I'm also ashamed to admit, I feel a bit embarrassed when my friend's talk of their high flying children. How can I encourage my DD to want more for herself? She is smart, beautiful, has so much potential in this life. Thanks.

You are the kind if daughter I would be proud of!

Again, her past is irrelevant. Again asking what should she be doing now since you have been sneering about her current situation living on benefits.

Can you read? It literally says in the quote you posted that I am not questioning her being in receipt of benefits from the arrival of her autistic child.
Of course her past is relevant, it is what lead her to the situation she is in now.
If she doesn't learn from her past she will keep having accidental pregnancies funded by the UK tax payer.

This is my worst nightmare op, that any of my kids choose a life of benefits.

Evidently you know nothing about benefits (but we already knew that). You do not get money per child anymore, there is a two child limit. And your posts have all been in the present tense so don’t pretend like you have not been sneering about her current situation. Many people have been on benefits before their life changed one way or another. You and I have little idea of where she would be now if she hadn’t had a child with autism or even another child at all. So you’re basing your opinion on some ridiculous narrative you’ve created based on prejudice and stereotypes.

Not a choice, read the whole thread 🙄

Although obviously the cost of paying her for the care also needs to be offset

from the taxes she would pay whilst working and the increased taxes later on in life as she becomes more experienced in her job.

Plus, of course, whilst working her ability to pay into a pension fund to support her in retirement.
Plus of course NI contributions
Plus of course the fact that another job for someone would be made during her working hours. That other job then pays taxes, pension, NI

Which would be more efficient, financially.
Working obviously.

Carers allowance pays towards NI contributions. It is also decided £1 for £1 from Universal Credit - around £330 taken away. When you work they don’t take your home pay off £1 for £1 so it’s not exactly a choice made for shits and giggles.

What is her child supposed to do while she works by the way? Or if her son cannot manage school or nursery full time due to severity of needs?

Really? With all the stuff going on in the world , that's your worst nightmare?

@Gerrataere I don't have time, I'm in work 😉 I'll leave shortly to go home to my four children.

So busy you can’t even read the whole op properly yet managed to have time to post a reply. Ignorance truly is bliss isn’t it, especially when giving you the chance to stick an especially ignorant opinion in to a situation you haven’t the first clue about.

I admit I don't know the finer details of the benefits system however not once did I say she would receive more for a second child. I actually said due to the age of the second child she would be expected to find work rather than continue to claim benefits.
She then accidentally got pregnant with the second child which would mean her benefits continued and negated the need to find work.
I won't be engaging with you any further on this thread as I don't feel you have adequate comprehension skills to form a reasonable argument.
You are determined to prove this woman is entitled to spend her life on benefits at the expense of everyone else and we should all be thrilled to support her just because she had children.

Ironically, even OP admits that after writing it all down , especially with DS's schedule she sees that it would be hard for her daughter to find work.

@PomTiddlyPomPom you do realise a lot of working people live their whole lives on benefits right?

Ah there you go again, you say you don’t judge her for life on benefits currently, admit you don’t actually know the first thing about the benefits system, yet in the next breath yet again go on about her being on said benefits for ‘the rest of her life’ in the same venomous tone you’ve carried through the whole thread.

She may well be, her disabled son will most likely be as well so you have a double shot of judgement there. But you can try and insult me all you want, the fact is you don’t have the first clue about the situation and are just frothing at the mouth to have some ‘benefit bashing’ moment. You carry on, you’ve shown your colours and we all see them so off you pop to have a grumble and have a ‘by the grace of god I go’ moment to yourself.

Absolutely , I don't think I have said I have a problem with that? Feel free to quote me if I have.
That is a whole other issue, working people should be paid a living wage that doesn't require top ups.

@Gerrataere currently printing a shit load of statements so I've about another twenty mins.

It wasn't an ignorant opinion, it is my opinion. I'd be mortified if either of my daughters got pregnant quickly and then lived their lives on benefits.

This woman is 30 and by the sounds of it has never had a job. She doesn't need one though does she cos she gets her Micky money and everything else that goes with being a single mother.

She'll never work now.

No, she won't, because there's a two-child limit for such benefits.

It’s extremely ignorant when you finally read she’s a carer for her child who has a lifelong disability.

Having a child at 21 that you cannot afford to support is a choice. Continuing to have children with feckless men is also a choice.

But please @Wheredoistart78 enlighten us on the privileged life of a single mum on benefits. Already had one poster conceding they know Jack shit so please start round two of this before bedtime.

Perhaps, I mean it’s a rather misogynistic viewpoint by that’s by the by. Again though, we’re not talking about how the children came to be, we’re talking about the here and now about why the ops daughter currently doesn’t ‘have a job’.

@Gerrataere are you the daughter.....be honest.

I'm a single mum......single working mum.

Up until recently I had to work two jobs because I had to. Bills, mortgage bla de bla.

This woman chooses not to, her youngest is four.

Her life is being financed by the tax payer while she stays at home to raise her children as a sahp. That right there is a privilege.

Yes it’s well established why she doesn’t have a job. Because other people are paying for her to keep having children that she cannot afford.

Did you miss the barely verbal autistic 4 year old? What do you propose she does with him?