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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why do people do parties with sleepovers but invite some kids to different bits?

164 replies

Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:34

DD 11 was invited to a party yesterday at a kids house - there were 10 kids & she found out at the party that she was the only one that wasn’t staying on for the sleepover bit so was really upset.

Why do people do this? I think she would have preferred to not be invited to any of it rather than be invited to a bit of it and then go home when everyone else was staying.

Seriously, why do people do that? She’s been so upset. It would have been better if she wasn’t bloody invited to any of it!!

OP posts:
arlequin · 02/07/2023 08:35

Totally agree, horrible feeling. So weird only to leave one child out. Your poor DD 😞

CherryLipgloss · 02/07/2023 08:36

It's mean to have just one child not staying on for the sleepover. But I think it's quite normal to have a big party and then a small number staying for a sleepover afterwards.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/07/2023 08:37

Pretty hard to say why they would have done it from the info provided. Not sure this is the done thing though. How horrible for your DD. I hope she is ok.

Original poster
Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:37

@CherryLipgloss yes of course. But she was the only one not staying! She felt so awful after!

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 02/07/2023 08:38

If there is only 11 girls in the class but only space for ten to sleep over then someone has to miss out

Original poster
Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:39

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal theres not much else to say really apart from what I have said. I just don’t get why they invited her at all really!

OP posts:
Original poster
Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:40

@Quitelikeit but why invite her at all? It’s just worse for her. She’d rather not have gone at all to the party.

OP posts:
HaddawayAndShite · 02/07/2023 08:42

Quitelikeit · 02/07/2023 08:38

If there is only 11 girls in the class but only space for ten to sleep over then someone has to miss out

Oh come on. As the responsible adult in this situation you then explain why it’s a horrible thing to leave one child out so instead of 10 sleeping only 5 are so 1 girl doesn’t go home and cry about it. You’d really do that would you? Heartless

GlassWall · 02/07/2023 08:43

Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:40

@Quitelikeit but why invite her at all? It’s just worse for her. She’d rather not have gone at all to the party.

Because presumably the birthday child likes her and wanted her there at the party, but her parents stipulated whatever number as the absolute maximum could could be accommodated overnight?

HaddawayAndShite · 02/07/2023 08:43

Honestly at that age I would worry it was a deliberate move. Girls can be vicious as seen on here many times. How is the friendship group usually?

SchoolShenanigans · 02/07/2023 08:44

YANBU. Either it was intentional, or they're socially idiotic.

I'd be petty and do it back. Let them know how it feels 😬

JustDanceAddict · 02/07/2023 08:45

its pretty normal to have say 20 for a party and a few besties stay over, but to leave one out isn’t nice.

TulipCat · 02/07/2023 08:46

Quitelikeit · 02/07/2023 08:38

If there is only 11 girls in the class but only space for ten to sleep over then someone has to miss out

Oh give over. Most people would either squeeze in the extra one, not have the sleepover part or invite a smaller number so not just one is left out. OP, I agree, what an awful moment when you pick her up and all the others wave her goodbye and carry on with the party.

OhmygodDont · 02/07/2023 08:47

Bit mean for it to only be one child. However maybe some others were invited to the day only part but didn’t come.

RandomUsernameHere · 02/07/2023 08:47

That's horrible to leave one person out. I think it's fine to have a party for say 10 people and invite 1 or 2 for a sleepover afterwards though.

Original poster
Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:47

@GlassWall yes but she’s the only one that had to go home. Bloody horrible.

They are normally a nice bunch of girls tbh but this just feels awful. Luckily they aren’t all going to the same school so am literally dragging my way to the end of year 6!!

OP posts:
JunipeJuniper · 02/07/2023 08:48

GlassWall · 02/07/2023 08:43

Because presumably the birthday child likes her and wanted her there at the party, but her parents stipulated whatever number as the absolute maximum could could be accommodated overnight?

Show quote history

As a parent there's no way to allow one girl to be left out. What a silly parental decision.

NoSquirrels · 02/07/2023 08:48

Yes, that’s horrid. The golden rule of parties is either invite everyone, or less than half a group. If that means you
squeeze in one more child then that’s what you do. And who has room for 10 kids on a floor but not 11? Most people couldn’t sleep 10.

Is she often left out or is this a one-off? Something going on with the group, or just the birthday child/family?

EnglishRose1320 · 02/07/2023 08:49

I think the only time its acceptable to have a difference in invites, is if say one friend was coming from further away, say a best friend from an old school or something. Then I would think it would be okay for just that friend to stay over, but I would expect them to be discreet about it.

I don't think it is pretty normal to have a party for lots and just a few besties to stay over, I think that's incredibly rude. Either your child still wants the large, class party and you do that, or they are old enough to have a close group of friends and you just invite them for the whole event.

Sorry this happened to your dd, I think it's rude anyway, but to be the only child, is incredibly rude and hurtful.

NameChange245 · 02/07/2023 08:50

I've always found this a bit odd too! In yr 4 it seemed a 'thing' for lots of girls in the year to do this. I think it's a bit mean to have, say, 8 girls to the party, then only 4 stay to sleepover. It's like saying 'i don't like you as much so you can f off now!!'

I think if a child has a 'best friend' they've know a few years, and it's only the best friend staying over and all the others going home, that is fine. But any other combination, especially having a few to stay and leaving one out, is just not on IMO.

Tiredmum100 · 02/07/2023 08:51

I'd be pretty upset if that's how one of my children were treated. As a parent, I would not do that. It would have been either they all go home, or one can stay, not all stay and one go home. You would have hoped the parents would have thought about that.

HAF1119 · 02/07/2023 08:52

YANBU, I mean really to accommodate one extra wouldn't have been hard... I can understand having a limit on those sleeping, but if you end up one over on the limit for the 'party' I'd either add the 1 or cut back the number sleeping surely.. otherwise it's sort of cruel

Busybutbored · 02/07/2023 08:52

Maybe it's a space thing. Mean to leave one person out though. Although tbh I find it a bit odd to have a subset stay for a sleepover too

NoSquirrels · 02/07/2023 08:53

I don't think it is pretty normal to have a party for lots and just a few besties to stay over, I think that's incredibly rude.

I wouldn’t do this if the party was hosted at home, as then it’s awkward with pick-ups and ones staying, but we had a big party at a venue in Yr 6 then took birthday child’s 2 best friends home with us for a sleepover after. If anyone thought that was rude then I’d just feel a bit nonplussed, I guess? The party was the party, the sleepover was a separate event, basically.

Businessflake · 02/07/2023 08:54

Quitelikeit · 02/07/2023 08:38

If there is only 11 girls in the class but only space for ten to sleep over then someone has to miss out

Alternatively, 5 or 6 could miss out so that one child wasn’t singled out and made to feel like shit.