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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why do people do parties with sleepovers but invite some kids to different bits?

164 replies

Laughingstock1991 · 02/07/2023 08:34

DD 11 was invited to a party yesterday at a kids house - there were 10 kids & she found out at the party that she was the only one that wasn’t staying on for the sleepover bit so was really upset.

Why do people do this? I think she would have preferred to not be invited to any of it rather than be invited to a bit of it and then go home when everyone else was staying.

Seriously, why do people do that? She’s been so upset. It would have been better if she wasn’t bloody invited to any of it!!

OP posts:

ohdamnitjanet · 05/07/2023 08:43

I’d be incandescent with rage, and hurt on her behalf. Not sure I’d be able to stop myself saying how damn mean that was to the parents.

AussieMum135 · 05/07/2023 09:10

I really like @RecklessBlackberries answer and personally if I was one of the other parents in this WhatsApl group I would want to know if my child was involved in this nastiness so I could deal with it. Unfortunately acts like this stay with some people their whole life....possibly I'm a snowflake but 35+ years on I still remember how the mean girl actions felt.

northernbeee · 05/07/2023 10:06

if there's space for 10 girls, you can squeeze another in

ImpeckableChicken · 05/07/2023 13:16

Quitelikeit · 02/07/2023 08:38

If there is only 11 girls in the class but only space for ten to sleep over then someone has to miss out

Think we found the mum who let this happen 🙄

GrapeHyacinth · 05/07/2023 13:29

Yanbu. I didn't allow mine to have parties with an A list and a B list. You can always do the sleepover another time.

Mamma2017 · 05/07/2023 18:45

There’s a special place in hell for parents who would do this to a child

30swith3 · 06/07/2023 08:40

I can’t believe the parents thought it was okay to single out one child. I wouldn’t ask the question in a group, as you’ll no doubt be made out to be the bad person, I would send an overly polite fluffy concerned (about their relationship) message privately, otherwise it’d play on my mind!

GlassWall · 06/07/2023 08:59

Mamma2017 · 05/07/2023 18:45

There’s a special place in hell for parents who would do this to a child

And the melodramatic people who magnify minor things out of all proportion slot in right next to them.

TheaBrandt · 06/07/2023 11:31

Don’t think this is minor. Not to an 11 year old girl. Detest adults that dismiss children’s feelings - hopefully they are not parents themselves.

SonicStars · 06/07/2023 16:46

Maybe they thought she wouldn't want to stay over. Has she opted out of such things before. Perhaps they were trying to make things easier for her?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 06/07/2023 19:06

SonicStars · 06/07/2023 16:46

Maybe they thought she wouldn't want to stay over. Has she opted out of such things before. Perhaps they were trying to make things easier for her?

Come on, that’s silly.

You'd have the monumentally dense as an adult to approach the situation this way.

Alexa51 · 06/07/2023 22:23

Well, exactly the same thing happened to my daughter. My daughter and her friends had played always together as a three. Her friends mum had the three together for the birthday party which started late and finished late and then the two of them had a sleepover and my daughter had to come home. I didn't realise this was the deal. She had been so unbelievably excited about it and her little face when I went to get her just looked absolutely gutted. I already felt like they were leaving her out quite a bit and I would never have taken her if that was the deal. As a parent I would just never do that. But then some parents really don't give a shit and they only think about their own offspring. It would be great to ask the parent why she just left your daughter out. Maybe someone else could ask for you?

Alexa51 · 06/07/2023 22:43

I must admit that I do wonder if there has been some kind of mistake/miscommunication as it does seem odd for just one child to be left out. I would surreptitiously try to find out exactly who was invited (wouldn't be able to help myself!) Then I wouldn't be able to help myself trying to get to the bottom of why my daughter wasn't invited. In honesty though this type of thing has happened a few times to my daughter now (parties not sleepovers) I always assume it is some kind of mistake/ a parent has forgotten to ask/didn't have my number but sadly, in every instance it has been that she just hasn't been invited (and it can literally be someone who always comes to our parties/gets invited to the house etc and then the parents don't even bother to make sure she's included.) In one instance it was a child who I have really gone out of my way for for playdates, dropping back for parties and the mum actually had the audacity to contact me to get the number for another kid she was inviting to the party. Even my partner, who will not get involved in petty playground politics thought it was absolutely unbelievable.

YerArseInParsley · 06/07/2023 23:34

I have no idea why people do this. Surely the parents know the child would be hurt by this.

When my son was younger he was friends with 2 boys. He got invited to a soft play for a birthday, just the 3 boys. I got there first and paid my son in and waited. They eventually turn up, have a play then it was time to leave. The other boy gets invited back to the house to continue the playdate and have cake and not a word is said to my son except bye.

So, I paid my son in, gave a present and my son got hurt feelings I'm the process. Felt like we were just there to make up numbers.

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