To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

But they ARE. Duck eggs are for sale in EVERY supermarket where I live, that's five supermarkets in my small town of under 20k population. They are also for sale in EVERY supermarket in my nearest city, a short 15min drive away. They are also sold at EVERY farm shop near me, which is at least half a dozen farm shops!

My local Asda, Tesco and Sainsburys definitely don’t sell duck eggs. They do sell quail eggs and blue chicken eggs. I like looking at the crazy expensive eggs.

I’ve cooked with quail eggs never with duck eggs.

I’m on the it’s an unusual ingredient side.

OTOH I do think anyone with an allergy needs to make it known when eating food prepped by someone else.

SIL is probably getting over the fright of her life and a ruined birthday cake reception. She does need to get over herself.

But OP you absolutely cannot be so blasé about an allergy. I have recently developed an autoimmune disorder which triggers a reaction similar to allergic reactions and can lead to anaphylaxis and it’s really upsetting. I can’t even take regular antihistamines. It’s best to avoid triggering allergic reactions they tend to get worse each time.

Duck eggs are mainly seasonal, March - July.

With bird flu causing the birds to be brought inside though, our local farm had duck eggs for the last couple of winters. They liked their enrichment barn, lights, paddling pool, heat lamps, the works.

There's a grocery local to me (Ohio) that sells ostrich eggs.

I mix with every kind of person there is! The people I've heard mention duck eggs are normally older women who bake a lot!! Unless you sit around chatting about people's baking methods how on earth would you know what eggs they use?

duck eggs are so commonly used for cake baking

I must move in very different circles to come people because I've never heard of a duck egg being using in baking, and if it's in a recipe it's some fancy thing or some person with their own ducks who won't stop banging on about it.

I've literally never read in a recipe that duck eggs are better either.

I can see why SIL is upset, I would be too, but equally I see why you wouldn't mention it. Like I probably wouldn't mention I was allergic to gluten-free flour* if someone was making a cake unless I knew they were intolerant or something.

*Don't know if that's a thing, just an example.

She's probably embarrassed.

I agree it wouldn't usually be something worth mentioning, like me and feathers, but you'll know to mention it anywhere nowadays I guess, just in case.

I've never heard of using duck eggs in baking, must be some middle class faddy thing. Most people would just use normal eggs.

You can buy duck eggs in supermarkets. Duck eggs are larger and taste nicer than hen's eggs.

Oh fgs duck eggs are great for baking.

I weigh eggs. It's really not that unusual.

Fgs?
Who cares any more? Chill out. It's baking.
Hmm cheesecake...
Let's all eat cheesecake tomorrow

I think she's panicked and is feeling shame. Both of those cause more emotive/responsive communication. Let it blow over. It will.

You're a very kind person

In rural areas it's common to use duck eggs for all kinds of baking. If your Mum used duck eggs to make Yorkshire puddings, then you are aware that they might be used.
I'd also be pretty cross if you didn't check and ruined the party, spending the day throwing up.

Even my very young child knows they cannot accept food without checking the ingredients!

For goodness sake - it is not some "middle class faddy thing". Get over yourself. I live in an area where there are a lot of farms (not the UK) where women used to bake for the farmers, the shearers etc. and I have heard many of them rave about duck eggs - and also townies too. Just because you haven't heard about it doesn't make it not a thing. They are EGGS, not precious jewels!!!

When I think back I'm sure I can remember my DM saying how great duck eggs were for baking, and she is the least "faddy" person I know.

And here I am thinking I was the only person that vomits after eating duck egg. At least there is another one of me out there, I don't feel so alone. Lol. YANBU because I wouldn't think cake would be made with duck eggs either. I've never thought to ask.

Duck eggs is such a random allergy, and using duck eggs in a cake is even more random. I wonder how statistically probable this scenario was 🤣 well at least SIL cares so that's nice, and she'll know for next time

They make great Yorkshire puddings too.

Much richer than hen's eggs.

Her reaction is terrible. I hope your husband can speak to his sister about how inappropriate and rude the name calling is. Draw a firm line in how she speaks to you.

If I was her I would be apologetic and said please tell me about any allergies when I am cooking.

Sorry, but I can understand why she's reacted that way - probably out of fear of what could have happened, and of concern that you didn't tell her.

As someone who has a very bad reaction to dairy (not quite an allergy, but an extremely strong intolerance that is basically like having food poisoning for several days even if I have a tiny amount).
I always check with everything I eat, especially with home-cooked food, simply because I don't want to be that ill.

I know most people don't use duck eggs, but if there is egg in a recipe, I really would make sure. Allergies which affect breathing can become severe, and I would hate to be responsible for hospitalising someone if they hadn't told me in advance and I'd cooked them something.

It wouldn’t enter my head to use a duck egg for baking or to think to ask - I would not have thought about it for a moment. How dare she call you thick! She’d be wearing her bloody duck eggs!

As someone who used to bake for a living, it is very common to use duck eggs for sponges. No idea why but they make better cakes, probably a bit of blame on both sides.

Using duck eggs is really pretty common. Some people are acting like the SIL was cracking open Faberge eggs for baking.