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Original poster

To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

302 replies

ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:41

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

OP posts:
Dotandtime · 02/07/2023 18:28

I didn't know duck eggs were supposed to be particularly great for baking, but if I happened to have duck eggs (from a colleague's ducks, which is the mostly likely reason) and no one had mentioned an allergy, I'd use them in a cake. I'd be upset to have "poisoned" someone who hadn't mentioned such a severe allergy.

Nannyseaside · 02/07/2023 18:28

I think you should have mentioned your allergy,no matter how silly it seems to you,lots of people use duck eggs in baking as they make wonderful cakes,imyself have used duck eggs when I can get them,it doesn't take a moment to say has this got duck eggs in,when you know they make you ill.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 02/07/2023 18:30

Gwenhwyfar · 01/07/2023 21:27

"Really, given that several posters have said they use duck eggs in baking, and that they are available in supermarkets?"

I've never seen them in the supermarket and since I'm familiar with Tesco, Sainsbury's, Asda, etc. I'm coming to the conclusion they're not that popular. Also never heard of anyone eating them or baking with them. As others have mentioned, it may well be a class issue or some other reason why duck eggs are normal for certain groups of people and not for others.

The have them in my local Tesco (south east London).

Butchyrestingface · 02/07/2023 18:31

Whatever the rights and wrongs of you not disclosing your duck egg allergy, your SIL's reaction is inappropriate and unpleasant.

But at least you know what she's like.

DollyTubb · 02/07/2023 18:47

Duck eggs are very commonly used in baking, they are richer and help cakes rise better, they are easy to get hold of in rural areas - it's certainly not a class issue 😂, what a strange thing to say!! Given the high profile allergy cases such as that poor young girl who died after eating a pret a manger sandwich I think your SIL was probably horrified that she caused such a reaction in you and it manifested itself as it did. I think it's not unreasonable to mention allergies such as this. I've certainly used duck eggs in baking in the past, and I've never heard of anyone having a specifically duck egg allergy. It's not a problem to change a recipe and I can certainly empathize with your SIL.

PalominoUK · 02/07/2023 18:53

itsmylife7 · 01/07/2023 16:45

Why use duck eggs in a cake,surely everyday chicken eggs are fine.

Why is she reacting like this ?
Did you eat it and were sick ?

Duck eggs make far superior cakes, especially sponges. They'd be my first choice if available.

angelfacecuti75 · 02/07/2023 19:50

Erm it just frightened her. She could have killed you ...if it is actually an allergy and not an intolerance...she is lashing out because she cares and it frightened her. Yes, the way she is going about it is completely wrong and unacceptable but um, yes maybe take it as a lesson learned...you do really need to tell people about these things...especially if it could unalive you...

SweetSakura · 02/07/2023 20:01

angelfacecuti75 · 02/07/2023 19:50

Erm it just frightened her. She could have killed you ...if it is actually an allergy and not an intolerance...she is lashing out because she cares and it frightened her. Yes, the way she is going about it is completely wrong and unacceptable but um, yes maybe take it as a lesson learned...you do really need to tell people about these things...especially if it could unalive you...

Op says they make her sick and give her breathing problems.

That's definitely a potentially fatal allergy not an intolerance

Scotland32 · 02/07/2023 20:17

Her reaction is over the top but of course you should have told her (not necessarily that particular day but by having clearly mentioned it at some poly since knowing her to make her aware).

phoenixrosehere · 02/07/2023 20:18

Toomuchtrouble4me · 02/07/2023 18:17

It wouldn’t enter my head to use a duck egg for baking or to think to ask - I would not have thought about it for a moment. How dare she call you thick! She’d be wearing her bloody duck eggs!

I would think to ask anyone if they have an allergy if I’m making anything but I would also expect people who have allergies to speak up beforehand or ask.

With all the different kinds of allergies and intolerances around, better safe than sorry especially if you’re someone that does.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/07/2023 20:37

NatashaDancing · 02/07/2023 00:51

You can buy duck eggs in supermarkets. Duck eggs are larger and taste nicer than hen's eggs.

Show quote history

I know where you can buy them. I'm saying I've never seen them used in a recipe for baking, not even in a 'you can use duck eggs if you like' sort of way.

Everyone saying it's commonly known....well that's my point. It's not. I've never ever seen it mentioned in a recipe in a book or online. I'm not doubting that people do it.

DollyTubb · 02/07/2023 20:49

@ChiefWiggumsBoy a quick Google search for duck egg sponge cake recipes will bring up loads by nigella. BBC, and other well known sources.

NatashaDancing · 02/07/2023 21:04

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/07/2023 20:37

I know where you can buy them. I'm saying I've never seen them used in a recipe for baking, not even in a 'you can use duck eggs if you like' sort of way.

Everyone saying it's commonly known....well that's my point. It's not. I've never ever seen it mentioned in a recipe in a book or online. I'm not doubting that people do it.

Show quote history

Recipes say "eggs". There's no need to say you can use duck eggs. It's pretty obvious.

T1Dmama · 02/07/2023 22:28

Personally I would just message her back and say ‘sorry I didn’t think to mention it because in 14 years (or whatever) I have never needed to tell anyone… and in all those years I’ve eaten a lot of cake… please don’t worry as I’m fine and it’s my fault…’

then leave it at that. If she carries on I’d get DH to have a word with his brother

pollymere · 02/07/2023 22:30

My teen is allergic to beetroot. I always ask because so many people put it in cake! Duck eggs - I'd be thinking who the flump uses duck eggs in cake?! But having read that it's common in cake on here, I'd now be asking before eating any cakes. It's not your fault or SILs. She certainly shouldn't be blaming you though - I'm still in the what the flump?! Camp on that one!

T1Dmama · 02/07/2023 22:34

Agree
ive actually only tired duck eggs once and thought they were horrid, tasted ‘fishy’ and I’d hate that in a cake.

Mollymalone123 · 02/07/2023 23:00

Lots of people use duck eggs in cakes as they come out better.i sell my duck eggs to quite a few ‘bakers’ I think it is down to you to check.My DGD has milk allergy and we ask and check every single item no matter how silly-I lbs d seen roast pots, sausages and last nigh wine! All saying milk in them or made in area with cross contamination

Curseofthenation · 02/07/2023 23:36

I think your SIL is massively beating herself up and is taking it out on you in return. She is being really unfair. You haven't caused a fuss and want to move on, therefore YANBU.

wellstopdoingitthen · 03/07/2023 00:34

Sounds like major deflection on her part. What a strange thing to use in a birthday cake. Was she trying a bit too hard to be fancy & it’s backfired?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/07/2023 00:38

wellstopdoingitthen · 03/07/2023 00:34

Sounds like major deflection on her part. What a strange thing to use in a birthday cake. Was she trying a bit too hard to be fancy & it’s backfired?

Using duck eggs in a cake is the opposite of strange, they are recommended over chicken eggs for cake baking. Nothing fancy about it, absolutely normal for those of us who bake bloody good cakes.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 03/07/2023 00:44

I am completely unable to understand those who do not view you as unreasonable.
I have life threatening allergies. It is my responsibility to tell others about them. Your SIL clearly would have taken your allergy into consideration had you told her.

NatashaDancing · 03/07/2023 02:49

T1Dmama · 02/07/2023 22:34

Agree
ive actually only tired duck eggs once and thought they were horrid, tasted ‘fishy’ and I’d hate that in a cake.

Yeah, all the posters on here who bake with duck eggs are looking for fish flavoured cakes.

Duck eggs don't taste fishy.

Theoldgreygoose · 03/07/2023 04:57

wellstopdoingitthen · 03/07/2023 00:34

Sounds like major deflection on her part. What a strange thing to use in a birthday cake. Was she trying a bit too hard to be fancy & it’s backfired?

There is nothing "fancy" about using duck eggs!!! Why don't you read the thread, where numerous posters have said that they are better for cakes than chicken eggs. People have been using duck eggs forever and I very much doubt anyone eating the resulting cake would know. I repeat, there is nothing fancy, or strange, about baking with duck eggs. (beats head against desk)

DisquietintheRanks · 03/07/2023 05:53

I think it is up to the person with an allergy to make others aware actually.It may be a bit unusual to bake with duck eggs but it's certainly not unheard of and she's your SiL, why hasn't it ever been mentioned to her?

Sennelier1 · 03/07/2023 07:53

Did you know she used duck eggs when you started eating the cake? Or did you only discover she used duck eggs when you became sick?

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