she should used the shower before i come back

[RobynsMama]

lighthearted, mostly 😂

i’m on holiday with some friends from work, first time we’ve ever been away together but we have done nights away.

I’m sharing a room with one person who doesn’t really like sunbathing or being by the pool. Fair enough we’re all quite chill and have been doing our own thing and then meeting up in the evening for dinner/drinks.

She goes back up to the room usually about 1pm to read and chill out whereas I’ll stay by the pool til it gets too chilly probably about half 6/7. We always make a plan for dinner in the group chat and the. I always put a message saying what time I expect to be back at the room because obviously will have to shower and get ready. Every day this week she’s been in the room for 6/7 hours alone and only gone in the shower when i’ve come back from the pool (it’s like she waits for me to get back then runs in there) and she takes forever meaning I have to then rush. I got fed up of this and asked when she was leaving after lunch if i could use the shower at 6 yesterday and she agreed, but when i got back to the room (at 6) she was in the shower! and took a good 45 minutes for i had to rush again.

aibu to think it’s a bit selfish if you’re in the room all day to wait to use the shower until the person you’re sharing with gets back from the pool, making them rush to get ready?

*why does

I do have OCD. It's my problem to manage.

At any rate, OP doesn't mind Showerzilla using the bathroom first. She just asks that she finish by 6pm so OP can shower too without rushing. Showerzilla waits until OP walks in at the agreed time, after hours in the room alone, then charges in so OP gets almost no time. She even gets pissed off when OP pretends to return early, even though she still gets to shower first and for 45 sodding minutes.

That's not OCD, that's not ADHD, that's just plain shitty behaviour.

Why is everyone convinced here's OCD /ADHD/ some other mental health issue at play?
She was annoyed when op "tricked her" into an early shower by popping back and then returning to the beach. Which strongly implies that she's taking pleasure in making op wait and was annoyed when she was thwarted by op not appearing to care...

I agree!!

@Amabitnewhere

Are people really expected to armchair diagnose everyone who behaves outside an expected norm and then show compassion based on it?

We are talking about an adult woman who (according to op's posts) holds down a job and maintains decent friendships. This sort of suggests that she should be able to identify that some of her behaviours are challenging and seek support for them.

At the very least, she should have just been upfront about her 'needs' so the group could work around them.

Even if she does have OCD, she still has a responsibility to attempt to manage that.

And how do we know she’s not trying to manage it but failing?

This is all very funny
Hoping the OP keeps us updated on how the rest of the holiday goes!

Because she gets pissy when OP pretends to come back early to prompt her into going earlier. She still gets first shower, she still gets her full 45 minutes, but now OP also gets her time too. And Showerzilla doesn't like that.

Why are you so determined to make up excuses for rude and antisocial behaviour? Maybe OP has anxiety around being forced to rush. Did you think of that, hmm? Hmm?

Then that means she has enough self awareness to know to try and manage it, and can explain that either before it happened or during the stay. It's very easy to say I know I'm difficult/ have MH issues/OCD/ insert whatever issue here, I am trying to manage it and I'm sorry it hasn't worked and I've annoyed you. I will try harder the last 2 days or I'll go and get my own room. Very sorry.
Most normal people would just say OK and that's when "be kind" may be more appropriate.

Maybe she is, but in that case, I think the conversations she had with op about it probably would (should) have gone differently.

For the record, I’d be annoyed too. But I’d find a peaceful workaround because a few showers just aren’t worth the aggro is a big scheme of things.

And by the way, I am not an armchair diagnoser or whatever a PP called me, I’m a mental health practitioner. And not altogether surprised at the state of the world given the responses at me daring to suggest getting through it as best as possible and a bit of a chill pill.

But the OP TRIED to find a peaceful work around. She asked if she could have the shower at 6. Friend said yes. Then friend ran in the shower at 6. I'm not sure what else she can do? Is the OP meant to come back an hour or two earlier than she wants every day as a "peaceful work around"??

If they aren't worth the aggro, tell Showerzilla.

The peaceful workaround doesn't work. OP is happy to let her shower first, she just asks her to finish by an agreed time. She's spending all afternoon in the room anyway so it's really no imposition at all. If the bleep of the door is enough to send her into the bathroom at lightspeed, a phone alarm should work fine too.

If you're a mental health practitioner (cough cough), why are you suggesting that Showerzilla expect the world to manage her made-up condition for her? And why don't you consider that OP might have anxiety around rushing?

I mean, I mentioned that I have OCD, and your response is to ignore that and turn critical. What kind of mental health support is that?

@Amabitnewhere

If you were really a mental health practitioner, I would expect you to be more circumspect when suggesting that someone you have never met might have OCD, based on a few mumsnet posts.

I read so many threads on here where posters doggedly insist that any form or selfishness, rudeness or poor behaviour is the result of being ND or having a MH condition.

I assume posters do this in an attempt to increase awareness and understanding but it's very misguided in my opinion.

Without any diagnosis or concrete information to suggest a reliable diagnosis, all you are doing is attempting to pathologise rudeness.

And let's face it, if everyone is ill, then really no one is ill.

A real medical person would never diagnose someone they've not met.

@RobynsMama Any updates? Dying to know what happened

Honestly if she was that fussed about first dibs on the shower, she'd go in on a morning.

Yeah. If she's not getting sandy or going in the water, if she's just sitting on the balcony all day...why does she need to shower before dinner? Morning alone is fine.

Me too @Emotionalsupportviper - I’d turn into my own version of an annoying quirky weirdo to help her reflect on how infuriating it is having to share a room with one.

Exactly.

I have a friend of 25 years who really does have OCD. She lets no one enter her apartment and she certainly doesn't share hotel rooms. And she explains why, so friends aren't confused or hurt.

Showerzilla is just taking the piss.

Ah. Well, aren’t you all lovely.

Ah. Well, aren’t you all lovely.
Sarcasm

For the record, I’d be annoyed too. But I’d find a peaceful workaround because a few showers just aren’t worth the aggro is a big scheme of things.
Minimising

And by the way, I am not an armchair diagnoser or whatever a PP called me, I’m a mental health practitioner. And not altogether surprised at the state of the world given the responses at me daring to suggest getting through it as best as possible and a bit of a chill pill.
Passive-aggression

Not sure you should be working in mental health, @Amabitnewhere

I really wouldn't worry about it.