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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

she should used the shower before i come back

445 replies

RobynsMama · 30/06/2023 12:14

lighthearted, mostly 😂

i’m on holiday with some friends from work, first time we’ve ever been away together but we have done nights away.

I’m sharing a room with one person who doesn’t really like sunbathing or being by the pool. Fair enough we’re all quite chill and have been doing our own thing and then meeting up in the evening for dinner/drinks.

She goes back up to the room usually about 1pm to read and chill out whereas I’ll stay by the pool til it gets too chilly probably about half 6/7. We always make a plan for dinner in the group chat and the. I always put a message saying what time I expect to be back at the room because obviously will have to shower and get ready. Every day this week she’s been in the room for 6/7 hours alone and only gone in the shower when i’ve come back from the pool (it’s like she waits for me to get back then runs in there) and she takes forever meaning I have to then rush. I got fed up of this and asked when she was leaving after lunch if i could use the shower at 6 yesterday and she agreed, but when i got back to the room (at 6) she was in the shower! and took a good 45 minutes for i had to rush again.

aibu to think it’s a bit selfish if you’re in the room all day to wait to use the shower until the person you’re sharing with gets back from the pool, making them rush to get ready?

OP posts:
Batalax · 02/07/2023 22:04

What happened today op?

KoolKitten · 02/07/2023 22:15

@RobynsMama what’s happened today? I’m on the edge of my seat!!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/07/2023 23:19

KoolKitten · 02/07/2023 22:15

@RobynsMama what’s happened today? I’m on the edge of my seat!!

Me too!

DrFoxtrot · 03/07/2023 00:00

Showerzilla 😂😂 brilliant thread!

Also waiting for an update!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/07/2023 00:21

I think this is my favorite Mumsnet thread ever! Showerzilla!

Belongs in classics.

Yfory · 03/07/2023 00:29

If shes having 45 minute showers every day (potentially at home as well as on holiday) shes incredibly selfish, total disregard for the environment. 5 minutes in the shower is plenty.

frambly · 03/07/2023 06:55

my guess here - Its a control issue she is probably totally unaware of.
tell her you'll be back at 6.
go back at 5 and step straight into the shower. 🤗

hollyblueivy · 03/07/2023 07:08

So you have to be friends / work with this person when you get back?

What does the rest of the group make of this situation
?

KoolKitten · 03/07/2023 07:13

@RobynsMama what happened last night?
put me out of my misery!

FilthyforFirth · 03/07/2023 07:16

Ugh, I would get ready in another persons room for the rest of the holiday and bin her off once you get home. Her ND is no excuse. If her issue is she likes to shower first, fine. You asked for a specific time slot and she ignored it. This is clearly about some weird power control issue and I wouldnt be playing her games anymore.

VDisappointing · 03/07/2023 07:34

I have OCD and I am wondering if she has OCD due to her wanting to use the shower first / asking for a new bath mat...could be she has OCD contamination issues? Do you notice her washing her hands a lot?

PaperSheet · 03/07/2023 07:49

But surely even if she has OCD she can still use the shower first at 5pm when the OP says she'll be back at 6? Why wait until she comes back at 6 to jump in? Surely if she has ADHD she could at least try and set an alarm to get in earlier, (as a previous poster pointed out the door beep sets her off jumping up so not sure why am alarm wouldn't).
Reading people's excuses on here she must have a ton of issues. OCD, ADHD, anxiety. If she has that many issues, surely the best thing would have been to explain this before sharing a room, or even better, don't share at all.

Talia99 · 03/07/2023 07:53

frambly · 03/07/2023 06:55

my guess here - Its a control issue she is probably totally unaware of.
tell her you'll be back at 6.
go back at 5 and step straight into the shower. 🤗

As the OP has said several times, the door beeps and her roommate dives into the shower as she hears the beep. She can’t get back early and go straight into the shower - she tried that once and got a view of the bathroom door closing behind her.

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 08:11

VDisappointing · 03/07/2023 07:34

I have OCD and I am wondering if she has OCD due to her wanting to use the shower first / asking for a new bath mat...could be she has OCD contamination issues? Do you notice her washing her hands a lot?

Who cares?

OP doesn't mind her showering first, she just wants her to do it early enough that OP can have her own shower at a decent time. They've discussed this, agreed for the time OP needs the bathroom but Showerzilla is still leaving it until the very moment OP gets in.

OCD, ADHD, SNAFU, it doesn't matter. The point is, she's agreed to have the bathroom free at 6 after having the room to herself all afternoon and she's not doing it. And when OP pretended to return so she'd be out at the required time, she got pissed off! Even though she'd had her lengthy shower, and first!

toodlesofoodles · 03/07/2023 08:56

If you work that closely with someone that you choose to not only socialise outside of work but to travel abroad (presumably) with them and spend AL with them then I'm pretty sure you'd be aware of OCD or ADHD already.

Her behaviour is so odd I can't even presume what's going through her head.

She's just a CF.

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:08

She sounds like she has some sort of issue, perhaps OCD, around clean bathrooms, perhaps bacteria, etc. when she said “isn’t it obvious” etc, it would indicate she realises it’s a thing. It would make sense that she might not fancy discussing.

IMHO a bit of compassion could go a long way. I would absolutely maje sure she gets to shower first, it’s a holiday FGS, work around it, show support and stop making it harder for her. You have absolutely no idea how much effort it might be for her to mask anxieties and worries for most of the time.

PaperSheet · 03/07/2023 09:11

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:08

She sounds like she has some sort of issue, perhaps OCD, around clean bathrooms, perhaps bacteria, etc. when she said “isn’t it obvious” etc, it would indicate she realises it’s a thing. It would make sense that she might not fancy discussing.

IMHO a bit of compassion could go a long way. I would absolutely maje sure she gets to shower first, it’s a holiday FGS, work around it, show support and stop making it harder for her. You have absolutely no idea how much effort it might be for her to mask anxieties and worries for most of the time.

But the OP DID try and let her go first! She said can I have the shower at 6 and she agreed. But then still jumped in it at 6 when the OP came back as discussed! The OP doesn't care about her going first. But for whatever reason the friend is only going in IMMEDIATELY as OP wants in.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2023 09:13

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:08

She sounds like she has some sort of issue, perhaps OCD, around clean bathrooms, perhaps bacteria, etc. when she said “isn’t it obvious” etc, it would indicate she realises it’s a thing. It would make sense that she might not fancy discussing.

IMHO a bit of compassion could go a long way. I would absolutely maje sure she gets to shower first, it’s a holiday FGS, work around it, show support and stop making it harder for her. You have absolutely no idea how much effort it might be for her to mask anxieties and worries for most of the time.

So why does she wait for the OP to get back before jumping into the shower? She knows perfectly well that the OP also needs time to shower.

PaperSheet · 03/07/2023 09:14

And I never understand in these situations why its only one person's "anxieties" that take precedence? I'm autistic and absolutely HATE being late. If I kept planning my day and asked if I could have a shower at 6pm and my friend agreed then ran in at 6 herself making me late I'd be really stressed! Knowing myself I always say to people how long I need to get ready etc. So between us we can come up with a plan that works. But OPs friend isn't allowing for this and is running in the shower no matter what is pre discussed.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/07/2023 09:27

PaperSheet · 03/07/2023 09:14

And I never understand in these situations why its only one person's "anxieties" that take precedence? I'm autistic and absolutely HATE being late. If I kept planning my day and asked if I could have a shower at 6pm and my friend agreed then ran in at 6 herself making me late I'd be really stressed! Knowing myself I always say to people how long I need to get ready etc. So between us we can come up with a plan that works. But OPs friend isn't allowing for this and is running in the shower no matter what is pre discussed.

Exactly. She's a selfish asshole. All the twaddle about anxiety, OCD and compassion is missing the point. She's hogging the facilities even after agreeing on a time the OP could use them. And despite having a five-plus hour stretch alone in the room.

ThatFraggle · 03/07/2023 09:38

Showerzilla should just book a hotel in the town/city they live in, stay in there all day reading or whatever, then meet friends for dinner and nights out that week. That can be her holiday and that way no one has to put up with her selfishness.

What's the point of flying out to do what you can do in your own town?

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 09:40

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:08

She sounds like she has some sort of issue, perhaps OCD, around clean bathrooms, perhaps bacteria, etc. when she said “isn’t it obvious” etc, it would indicate she realises it’s a thing. It would make sense that she might not fancy discussing.

IMHO a bit of compassion could go a long way. I would absolutely maje sure she gets to shower first, it’s a holiday FGS, work around it, show support and stop making it harder for her. You have absolutely no idea how much effort it might be for her to mask anxieties and worries for most of the time.

How is OP making it harder for her? By coming in to use the bathroom at the time they both agreed?

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:43

I me not saying OP’s room mate is being reasonable, but maybe you wouldn’t be either if you had OCD?

MykonosMaiden · 03/07/2023 09:59

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:43

I me not saying OP’s room mate is being reasonable, but maybe you wouldn’t be either if you had OCD?

Well th OP might have a disability too that means she needs the shower immediately so why doesn't selfish roommate take precedence?
See the problem with imaginary disabilities, you can imagine that both sides have them! :)

PaperSheet · 03/07/2023 09:59

Amabitnewhere · 03/07/2023 09:43

I me not saying OP’s room mate is being reasonable, but maybe you wouldn’t be either if you had OCD?

Anyone who is an unreasonable person who for whatever reason makes life harder for others shouldn't really expect to have many friends in life. I'm too old to be dealing with being kind to others who are not kind back. Her issues with OCD (or whatever condition she may or may not have) are simply not my problem. The same way any issues I have with my autism are not for other people to have to deal with if I'm making things harder for them.

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