she should used the shower before i come back

[RobynsMama]

lighthearted, mostly 😂

i’m on holiday with some friends from work, first time we’ve ever been away together but we have done nights away.

I’m sharing a room with one person who doesn’t really like sunbathing or being by the pool. Fair enough we’re all quite chill and have been doing our own thing and then meeting up in the evening for dinner/drinks.

She goes back up to the room usually about 1pm to read and chill out whereas I’ll stay by the pool til it gets too chilly probably about half 6/7. We always make a plan for dinner in the group chat and the. I always put a message saying what time I expect to be back at the room because obviously will have to shower and get ready. Every day this week she’s been in the room for 6/7 hours alone and only gone in the shower when i’ve come back from the pool (it’s like she waits for me to get back then runs in there) and she takes forever meaning I have to then rush. I got fed up of this and asked when she was leaving after lunch if i could use the shower at 6 yesterday and she agreed, but when i got back to the room (at 6) she was in the shower! and took a good 45 minutes for i had to rush again.

aibu to think it’s a bit selfish if you’re in the room all day to wait to use the shower until the person you’re sharing with gets back from the pool, making them rush to get ready?

She does sound odd and I’d avoid her. But fit the sake of good relations at work just leave it and chalk it up to experience.

I can’t believe you’re going on holiday with work colleagues though and next time even thought you save money sharing a room I’d get a separate room.

I almost always get separate rooms, last time in my 40s sharing two rooms with 3 of us, there was a nicer single room and a room with 2 double beds, we all swapped around so it was fair but thank god it was a week and I soon realised their idea of fun was being out in bars all night whereas I wanted to chill! Another room sharing option years ago I shared with a friend of a friend who I had no idea was up super early for jogging, gym, with a super a loud alarm and she also snores (asthma?’!!) like a warthog! Other stories but I now get rooms by mystic unless I really know the other people well and preferably have been away with them before!

This

She sounds like a massive bellend 😂😂

Me too.

A refreshing morning shower, a leisurely lunchtime bath, an afternoon cool rinse, etc.

Wouldn't you simply set an alarm on your phone?

She is a selfjsh inconsiderate pain in the neck. Don't go on holiday with her again. Take turns who has the shower first.

You seriously would rush into the shower without a civil greeting, every single day??

Or not take a moment to assess LW's needs? Maybe she needs the toilet or has suncream stinging her eyes or is overheated and needs a cool rinse. It's her room, too.

Those who can't deal with a damp mat should bring their own or ask the hotel for an extra, not snatch the best of everything for themselves. Those who can't manage time should set alarms on their phones.

It is nothing to do with disability and everything to do with being a selfish asshole, in the LW's scenario.

but I'm still always surprised in this kind of thread at the immediate judgment and no critical thinking or empathy or desire to find out 'why' something rather than just writing everyone off as a CF.

Because, unless you have ADHD yourself or have lived with someone with ADHD/some kind of neurodiversity you really have no concept of how it affects behaviours, especially if it just presents as thoughtless selfishness.

The room mate just seems to lack social awareness of how her behaviour affects others, and I agree that having mental health issues/some kind of neurodiversity is not a free ticket to behave like a selfish arsehole.

I think that going back to the room at 5 or 5.30 is the best option if it is going to remind the room mate to have her shower without causing an atmosphere.

The OP can just tell her that ten minutes is not enough time to have her shower and that is why she has come back in a little earlier.

Oh please, if you are that 'time blind' then pay for your own room. I'm so sick of this being used as an excuse for being a CF. Did you also forget the bit where now she's shitty because OP had a shower before her??

Why are some posters so adamant that she has ADHD or OCD?

Someone being rude and inflexible - must be ND.

finally i just had to ask her what the problem was and she just huffed “isn’t it obvious that i prefer to use the shower first i wish you’d said you were coming up for a shower?” 😂😂

I'd be bluntly asking her why her preferences are entitled to outweigh your preferences without discussion. Especially since her 'preferences' have been executed incredibly selfishly, not only to her benefit, but to your detriment time-wise and relaxation-wise.

She's been and being an absolute selfish cow over it and you need to call her out. Explain to her that sharing a room with her when she acts like this is definitely a no go in the future and you suspect she's done the same to others previously with her attitude.

You’re assuming the roommate or anyone else who behaves like this has ADHD or is ND in another way? If she is then she knows that others may find her behaviour challenging and it’s polite to tell them about her being ND and how this affects her daily life.

Or, she could be just selfish and a CF. I’ve holidayed with friends or people I don’t know well or heard horror stories from friends and women (and men) can behave differently on holiday or you can see sides to them which are hidden at home/work.

Ha ha! That’s what I just said! I know a few people who aren’t ND but can certainly act entitled and selfish and be CFs. (So I tend to avoid or restrict contact with them!)

I wasn't assuming that @GonnaGetGoingReturns. I was responding to a poster who does.

Just weird. It’s not ok her wishes trump yours for the whole stay. Maybe you also like to go first?

tell her to have an early shower then-I’d keep up with the pretending to go up early and then going back down to sunbathe.

Looking at the update. What a selfish entitled women. Stop with the excuses regarding ADHD which seems often to be an excuse and answer to almost everything now!

She's clearly not suited to sharing a room.

I’d nip up to the room and hide the bloody bath mat. She’s an absolute selfish cow.

What so the op should shower then reapply sun cream just for a final hour by the pool? It is quite normal to want to soak up the sun. The friend has all afternoon to shower yet she literally waits for the op to return before legging it into the bathroom like a loon. That is not normal behaviour. The friend and the op should share first shower ideally but the friend seems to want it her way only

Two more days, I'd do the fake return trick again so you can shower at a decent time and if she gets pissy again, just say that it's the only way to get her to shower early enough for you to get in at a decent time. Or if you can't be arsed, just shrug and don't bother explaining since it won't actually make any difference. Would be funny if she doesn't respond to it, assuming you're just pretending to come in, and then you do actually get in the bathroom before she does.

Or you could maybe shower in your friends' rooms? You shouldn't get driven out, but then a) you can have your shower like a normal person and b) there's a small chance she might see how unreasonable she's being if everyone else is ready to help you out.

Getting lost in a book is no excuse, previous poster. Set an alarm. Set another one for getting out of the shower too if your time blindness really is that bad. It's your problem to manage, not an excuse for ruining everyone else's evening. OCD is no excuse either. If your OCD can't cope with room sharing then you need to pay for a room to yourself. If you can't afford that and you can't cope with sharing, then the holiday isn't for you.

Because on MN no one is ever just a dick! They always have to have something to explain their behaviour.

OP- your friend sounds batshit. even if she does have the numerous things everyone is throwing out there, you can still be a considerate person, doesn’t excuse you from being a twat.

Some people have chosen to ignore or not read your posts properly, that she jumps in the shower the moment she hears the door, nothing to do with giving notice of time it seems. She just seems selfish.

If the trigger for going to dinner in a group is you turning up to change @RobynsMama , then I would take your evening clothes and stuff out after breakfast, pop them into a friends room and get changed there. Just don’t go back up.
nothing worse than being late for dinner and everyone watching her late arrival.. knowing…

Even if it is ADHD or OCD, that's not an excuse. Roommate needs either to shower earlier or get her own room. It's not everyone else's job to manage it for her. And as PP said, it's weird that she was so pissed off about the fake early return if all she wants is to shower first. She did shower first and she got her full 45 minute routine in, so what's she really angry about?

Please do this OP.

Then she'll come to dinner late and whinge to everyone "OP never reminded me!" and she'll look like even a bigger dick.

@RobynsMama tell her to shower first by all
means but she’s a selfish cow to do it just before you walk in the door for yours (not like you haven’t gave her notice )
or if she must wait and shower when she knows you are heading there can’t she do it at 5pm as she takes nearly an hour ffs

tbh I wouldn’t care she weird and selfish
back to the room at 5pm tonight for your pretend shower 😂