AIBU to not understand people who stop and stand to the side on wide pavements when you pass (and then expect to be thanked)?

[UpperLowerMiddleClass]

Firstly, I’m not talking about narrow pavements where there is not enough space for two people to pass comfortably, and so one person needed to stand aside. If someone stops and lets me pass them on a narrow pavement I smile and say thank you. And sometimes I’ll be the one stopping to let someone coming the other way pass me. All well and good.

But there’s been a few occasions recently I’ve been walking down a regular size pavement - 1.5-2 metres wide maybe - and someone coming the other way has made a point of stopping as I approach and then standing to the side while I pass them, before continuing to walk on. I make sure I keep to the side as I walk so there’s a good amount of space for two people to pass, it’s not like I’m marching down the centre of the pavement and not budging.

I don’t thank people if they do this - to me it’s their choice if they want to stand aside on a pavement where there’s no need to. But yesterday I very clearly heard the woman who did this - step aside for no reason - mutter ‘Not even a thank you!’ once I’d passed.

It can’t still be anything to do with covid fears and social distancing can it? Especially as the person who stands aside is not moving any further away from me, but it just standing still until I’ve passed them.

So what’s this all about? If someone chooses to stand aside despite not needing to should I be thanking them?

How much does it hurt you to smile and nod to acknowledge them even if it is for their own benefit. Mind you I'm Northern we smile and acknowledge people for no other reason than our common humanity.

As well as the passive aggressive ‘YOU’RE WELCOME!’ If you don’t say thank you. It’s always a man shouting that at a woman. I’ve never seen a woman shouting a passive aggressive thank you / you’re welcome at a man, or a man do it to another man for that matter.

You may have a point captain - we smile at people even if we are just walking past

I think some people are still observing the 2m distance rule and think a 1.5m wide pavement IS narrow

@MyNamesHaumea

I've asked this question a few times and no one has been able to answer it. Apparently there doesn't need to be any benefit to anyone for something to be good manners and shouting at someone in the street is fine!

I agree with this. Just makes everyone’s day a bit nicer.

@CaptainMyCaptain I don't mind friendly northerners chatting to me in shops etc. It's usually a pleasant interaction and I'm open to a bit of small talk. In fact, people that know me would say I'm generally very polite and smile a lot. I've even had nicknames for these traits.

However, I get nothing from these people that stop for no good reason. We aren't having a positive interaction, they're just looking for a golden star in the form of a thank you. I'll thank people that are actually doing me a favour. I'll chat to people that chat to me. I don't get wound up every time one of these plonkers does it, I just don't thank them...

they're just looking for a golden star in the form of a thank you. In your imagination.

I say it to men - not in the wide-footpath scenario but where I live, where the paths are very narrow. Or if I've held a door and he doesn't acknowledge it. Usually gets a belated (and slightly startled?) "Thank you" in response.

Why though? I don't get people of either sex saying it to me but that is probably because I do acknowledge them.

Simple - if someone moves aside for you, opens a door etc they are doing you a courtesy and it is discourteous not to acknowledge that. "You're welcome" is what I'd say if they had simply said "Thank you," but the tone is very different.

Just say thank you for this aswell then!

@CaptainMyCaptain Well...they clearly have some sort of self-serving reason or a very poor sense of judgement regarding how much space is required to pass another human. Whatever the reason, it isn't one that requires a thank you as they have done nothing for it!

Life’s hard enough, a thank you is pleasant and costs nothing. I couldn’t be bothered with having to make constant judgements on who deserved a thank you etc.

Exactly.

They are obviously just trying to be nice. Things like this happen all the time, a mum held the gate open for me at DC's nursery this morning. The gate doesn't need to be held open, it will just stay open but I thanked her anyway. What ulterior motive do you think these people have for stopping to let you pass?!

Sorry but I have said/muttered "you're welcome" when I've stopped to let a man or woman go past in a narrow (yes actually narrow) space like the pavements round where I live. There's one bit where the pavement is about 2 foot across (don't ask me what the council were thinking) so if I walked on down it as a strapping 30-something woman straight into the person, sometimes older or with a stick, coming the other way, I'd be blamming them straight into the traffic. It does piss me off to not be thanked for waiting when they can clearly see me AND there's no alternative but one of us goes diving into the road, so yes I have been known when hormonal to do the PA thing. Not proud, but at least I'm equal opportunities.

@cucumelon But that is obviously different as the woman at the nursery didn't realise that the gate stayed open or may be tired/not thinking. She truly did think she was helping you. I would thank her.

Unless these people are blind, then they have no good reason to stop other than perhaps a self-serving one. I mean, if we're being very kind here, then perhaps they are having a silly moment and have automatically stopped as if they are on a narrow path. It's a stretch though for the number of people that do it.

By contrast I have a friend who constantly wants to hold doors open for other people, who then feel we have to say thank you. When I got to know him a bit better (colleague) I just said "look mate, please stop holding the doors - I really appreciate you're being polite but we're in a rush and it takes longer for both of us" - he did stop!

This is hardly a world crisis.

@Outdamnspot23 that’s the pedestrian version of the driver in front who stops at every turning to let people go. How infuriating!

As someone with co-ordination disabilities, I am very glad if people do give me some space to pass. Better than expecting me to quickly manoeuvre my way around them. The only time I'd mind, is if it's combined with an expectation that I should be quick about passing through the space.

Manners and courtesy aren't self-serving. Only a sociopath would think they were.

Yes you are being unreasonable. You seem really grumpy. Clearly the person is just being considerate. Sounds like you don’t like good manners.

Well that’s on you, but I’m not going to thank you because you can’t drive properly