AIBU to not understand people who stop and stand to the side on wide pavements when you pass (and then expect to be thanked)?

[UpperLowerMiddleClass]

Firstly, I’m not talking about narrow pavements where there is not enough space for two people to pass comfortably, and so one person needed to stand aside. If someone stops and lets me pass them on a narrow pavement I smile and say thank you. And sometimes I’ll be the one stopping to let someone coming the other way pass me. All well and good.

But there’s been a few occasions recently I’ve been walking down a regular size pavement - 1.5-2 metres wide maybe - and someone coming the other way has made a point of stopping as I approach and then standing to the side while I pass them, before continuing to walk on. I make sure I keep to the side as I walk so there’s a good amount of space for two people to pass, it’s not like I’m marching down the centre of the pavement and not budging.

I don’t thank people if they do this - to me it’s their choice if they want to stand aside on a pavement where there’s no need to. But yesterday I very clearly heard the woman who did this - step aside for no reason - mutter ‘Not even a thank you!’ once I’d passed.

It can’t still be anything to do with covid fears and social distancing can it? Especially as the person who stands aside is not moving any further away from me, but it just standing still until I’ve passed them.

So what’s this all about? If someone chooses to stand aside despite not needing to should I be thanking them?

I think older people often do this when they're less steady on their feet, or their spacial awareness is impaired. I always thank them.

This happens a lot round here too and yes I do find it annoying , definitely not a Covid thing though as I noticed it before that however may have increased since

AHH the passive aggressive "you're welcome" or a shouted "thank you". I've had two occasions recently where this has happened, once walking and once in a car (windows down when passing). Both times oddly I'd actually acknowledged and thanked (with a hand wave in the car). Both times the other person didn't see/hear. I must have a face that people anticipate will be rude 😂. Some people seem to tightly wound up these days they are ready to snap at anything. I try not to let it get to me and if I find myself getting cross remember they've likely got a shorter life span with all that stress and aggression taking its toll karma's a bitch

Really?

Ok, so you thought there was no reason for them to stop, but they did. Surely a smile and "thanks" is almost a reflex action? They are not expecting a bouquet of flowers!!!

And no, I've never been aware of this.

This is just what I feel! I am a larger bird, so it might just be my own ishoo. I don't think they generally mean that, but who knows:!

It's just an old fashioned manners thing to stop and let someone pass. It really isn't hard to say thank you.

I stand to the side when I'm with my 3yo as I don't want her getting knocked into (or her knocking into them) I think it's because when she was younger a cyclist was behind us (I didn't know as I didn't hear the bike and he didn't say excuse me/make their presence known). They clipped DD and knocked her to the ground. She was injured and obviously upset and he didn't stop or say sorry. It's made me more wary of people.

However, when we do stop I'll find something to show DD to talk about so it's clear I'm not expecting a thank you. But I do thank people who do this for me because it's just habit for me to be polite and costs nothing.

I've also been run into by runners who aren't always great at predicting their trajectory. The only time I do the behaviour the OP describes is usually if I know of some hazard coming up for example I've waited on a wide pavement because there's a narrow bit of pavement coming up, or because there's damaged paving or treeroots etc that would mean one of us have to clamber/tiptoe over it.

The only times I've ever noticed someone waiting unnecessarily is a) when I'm carrying a lot of stuff, shopping etc and therefore am quite "wide" b) when I was younger, the occasional perv who wanted to have a good stare under the pretence of being "gentlemanly".

Yes! This happens to me all the time, I usually nod a thanks and smile to myself once I've passed.

The worst was when I was walking through the woods, the walkway was about 15ft wide and someone with a few dogs took them practically into the bushes. I didn't realise she was stopping for me until she yelled "you're welcome" after I had walked past. I'm not scared of dogs and would have happily walked past normally. 🙄

But the whole point is that they’re not ‘letting me pass’. There’s more than enough space for us to both to pass with lots of space between us.

When someone does ‘let me pass’ ie on a narrow pavement, I always smile and say thanks.

This is the same in the countryside, you'll get some tosser in a shiny car stop in the middle of the lane, and wait for you to fold up your car and put it away drive your poor car halfway up the brambles in the hedge to get round them, then expect to be thanked. Thanks for not crashing straight into me, I guess?

I think some people forget that the people who wait are doing their own risk assessment which has a lot of different factors to yours. For example, the lady with the dogs might know her dogs are a pain and jump up at people (lots of rescue dogs do this for example and they can be a bugger to train), so she's dragged them right out of the path so that you can go past unpawed. Maybe sometimes people move to one side because they know they are slow/injured/wobbly and you look fast/fit so will pass quickly and then they can take up more pavement without feeling they're holding you up. Maybe they've been mugged or attacked in the past and get nervous with people getting close to them. Maybe as a PP said they have a neurodiversity e.g. my relative is autistic and often overestimates how "polite" he needs to be and generally thinks that's correct behaviour. Maybe, hate to say it, they just don't like the look of you and find you a bit scary so they want not to get in your way.

@Outdamnspot23 but why would anyone expect to be thanked in any of these instances?

I can just about get that a person might feel that what they are doing is polite, but when it clearly isn’t necessary it feels more like an imposition - I feel like I need to quicken my pace because I’ve suddenly been placed under an obligation to that person! It’s like a performative display of manners rather than anything that is genuinely required or appreciated.

I do thank people, but internally I just feel a bit irritated with them!

In a similar category id put drivers who ostentatiously stop and wave for me to cross a road in circumstances where I think it should be pretty clear that they have the right of way and it is much easier for me to just cross the perfectly clear road once they’ve gone past.

Again, I always wave a thanks but I feel like I need to scurry across in front of them feeling obliged, when I’d have been much happier sauntering across at my own pace after they’d gone past, without feeling like I was holding anyone up!

OP:

You don’t understand good manners? You should learn.

@AlexTfan - can you explain why it is good manners to stop unnecessarily while someone walks past you in the opposite direction?

is it like stopping and taking your hat off when a funeral cortège passes by?

You think it's unnecessary
They don't
Why are you right ?

It must be. Good manners are desirable. It costs nothing to be pleasant.

Luckily, most people are aware of the importance of manners.

@AlexTfan

But can you explain why it is good manners to stand to the side for someone when there is plenty of space for you both to pass comfortably?

If I stood next to you and said bless you when you hadn’t sneezed, it would be a bit weird.

It would be even weirder if I got pissy about you not thanking me. I mean, I thought it was necessary to say bless you, doesn’t matter if you didn’t!

For example, the lady with the dogs might know her dogs are a pain and jump up at people (lots of rescue dogs do this for example and they can be a bugger to train), so she's dragged them right out of the path so that you can go past unpawed.

That's not someone to be thanked.

Funnily I made this exact same thread pre-covid and people were really weird about it, accusing me of taking up loads of space and being a fast walker (neither of which are true!)

Performative manners.

People who want to be thanked for not barging into an elevator before you've exited it.

Drivers who want to be thanked for not running you over when you've got green on the pedestrian crossing.

Men who think it's okay to physically manhandle me out of the way in the street when we end up momentarily in each other's way.

This world ain't big enough for me and 8 billion others. 🔫🔫🔫

Its happened to me once, plenty of room on the pavement and the chap had a dog so I thought he was just letting the dog have a piss, I had already passed when he shouted and it really caught me off guard. Even if someone hasn’t smiled or said thank you there is no need for aggression, it’s horrible especially when you are not expecting it.