AIBU to not understand people who stop and stand to the side on wide pavements when you pass (and then expect to be thanked)?

[UpperLowerMiddleClass]

Firstly, I’m not talking about narrow pavements where there is not enough space for two people to pass comfortably, and so one person needed to stand aside. If someone stops and lets me pass them on a narrow pavement I smile and say thank you. And sometimes I’ll be the one stopping to let someone coming the other way pass me. All well and good.

But there’s been a few occasions recently I’ve been walking down a regular size pavement - 1.5-2 metres wide maybe - and someone coming the other way has made a point of stopping as I approach and then standing to the side while I pass them, before continuing to walk on. I make sure I keep to the side as I walk so there’s a good amount of space for two people to pass, it’s not like I’m marching down the centre of the pavement and not budging.

I don’t thank people if they do this - to me it’s their choice if they want to stand aside on a pavement where there’s no need to. But yesterday I very clearly heard the woman who did this - step aside for no reason - mutter ‘Not even a thank you!’ once I’d passed.

It can’t still be anything to do with covid fears and social distancing can it? Especially as the person who stands aside is not moving any further away from me, but it just standing still until I’ve passed them.

So what’s this all about? If someone chooses to stand aside despite not needing to should I be thanking them?

They shout at women because we're a safe target. If you were some big, bald muscly 6 ft 4 bloke with jail tattoos, gold teeth and parallel facial scars, they wouldn't give a shite about your non-U manners.

I wouldn't dream of not smiling and saying thank you. It's mean to punish them for mistaking how wide you or the pavement is.
It's sad that people are that petty.

Manners smooth things. They acknowledge that we have acted the "right" way rather than in your personal best interest. If you think someone should stop at a crossing for you and they do then a smile of thanks doesn't cost you, doesn't hurt you and acknowledges that we all abide by the rules for a smooth society

Why are you so miserable, just smile and say thanks.

@kelsaycobbles

But why is what these people are doing good manners? No one has been able to explain it.

I have not seen it in the way OP describes but admit I have made a passive aggressive step to the side with a wave of the hand to say go passed me, when someone comes up close behind me on a wide pavement and is breathing down my neck but won’t just step around me.

Why not be nice rather than nasty? It's what makes society function.

This only ever happened to me when there was 4-5 feet of space between us so lots of room and I had no idea why they stopped. I thought they were checking their phone or something. Only to have YOU'RE WELCOME lobbed at me once I passed!

Then if you happen to look back they’re usually staring at your arse and legs. I think it’s a way of sort of forcing you to acknowledge them.

Totally agree!

To be clear, I don't think they should be tutting or shouting if you don't thank them, but generally if someone thinks they're doing a polite thing for you it's ok to say thanks for it. Classic example, if Great Uncle Bert who's a bit old fashioned pulls your chair out for you at a formal meal, you can say thanks for that even though it's annoying you're perfectly capable of moving your own ruddy chair.

It's no bother to me to throw a quick 'Cheers' at someone who does this, whether I felt it was required or not. I'll be more effusive if there's actually a dog involved. However, I loathe people who fling back manners-cost-nothing sneers when their good deeds aren't acknowledged. It's really rude. Manners are about other people, and commenting like that makes it all about you and your needy little expectations.

This. YABVU. What's the problem?

The effort this post must have taken you would equate to a fair few thank yous in real life. Get a grip and some manners.

@Outdamnspot23

You still haven't answered the question.

Pulling out a woman's chair, holding a door open, standing to one side on a narrow path and giving someone who may be more vulnerable additional space, are all well known practices.

I was raised strictly and was taught to always be polite, always give way and always say thank you if someone does this for me. But I have never heard of it being good manners to stand on the edge of a wide pavement when there is enough space for both people to pass.

Exactly. How hard can it be to be polite and decent?

👍🏻

I’ve noticed this especially when I have my toddler in the stroller. Perfectly normal stroller, doesn’t take up much room on the pavement. It’s such a pain because I am usually with my slow walking 4 year old so someone, usually a man dramatically steps aside on a pavement when there is plenty of space for us to all gets past, looks at me while I try and hurry my meandering child along and expects a thank you! For doing something really unnecessary and annoying.

It cost nothing and takes no time to simply smile and acknowledge their gesture (even if you think it was unnecessary)

What an attitude. I don’t blame people for feeling annoyed at the rudeness of others. Have you people who don’t say thanks been badly brought up?

A stroller? Don’t you mean a pushchair? Lol

Because that is the conclusion other normal people arrive at.

What's the matter with you? Any averagely wide footpath is going to be a bit tight for a buggy and a child walking side by side to pass another person.

He's stepped out of the way to help you with no expectation that you hurry anyone. Just smile, your day will be better

I actually do usually say thanks because I’d feel awkward not to, so I’m not rude or badly brought up thanks!!

I was saying I do begrudge the whole interaction because it’s quite frankly unnecessary when there is plenty of space for us to all comfortably walk past each other and it is awkward being stared at by someone waiting for me to walk past and having to hurry my son along while someone is waiting, then expecting a thank you for something entirely unnecessary in the first place.

I'm a wheelchair user and it happens all the time. 99% of times, there's plenty of room to pass one another, they just overestimate the size of my clearly enormous chariot and squeeze up against the wall like I'm a juggernaut. It's not polite, it just makes me feel like I'm disturbing people by daring to use the pavement. And in crowds, where it actually would be useful to be given some space, people look over my head and walk into me.