AIBU to not understand people who stop and stand to the side on wide pavements when you pass (and then expect to be thanked)?

[UpperLowerMiddleClass]

Firstly, I’m not talking about narrow pavements where there is not enough space for two people to pass comfortably, and so one person needed to stand aside. If someone stops and lets me pass them on a narrow pavement I smile and say thank you. And sometimes I’ll be the one stopping to let someone coming the other way pass me. All well and good.

But there’s been a few occasions recently I’ve been walking down a regular size pavement - 1.5-2 metres wide maybe - and someone coming the other way has made a point of stopping as I approach and then standing to the side while I pass them, before continuing to walk on. I make sure I keep to the side as I walk so there’s a good amount of space for two people to pass, it’s not like I’m marching down the centre of the pavement and not budging.

I don’t thank people if they do this - to me it’s their choice if they want to stand aside on a pavement where there’s no need to. But yesterday I very clearly heard the woman who did this - step aside for no reason - mutter ‘Not even a thank you!’ once I’d passed.

It can’t still be anything to do with covid fears and social distancing can it? Especially as the person who stands aside is not moving any further away from me, but it just standing still until I’ve passed them.

So what’s this all about? If someone chooses to stand aside despite not needing to should I be thanking them?

I'm a terror for being rude and I make no apologies for it, doesn't stop me from nodding or smiling at someone without having to analyse and dissect the reason they stood aside.

Fair enough, I appreciate that. Just don't jump out the way like I'm contagious or something.

Exactly. Thanks is all it takes.

Stepping aside when you don't need to isn't rude. It's a bit daft but no way could you call it rude. Making a sarcastic comment is rude though.

Oh I hate this. Just walk past me.

I’m sure the people who think it’s good manners are raising an eyebrow but it’s always struck me annoying. Like when a car stops to let you cross the road, and so you have scoot across quickly, but there’s no cars behind it.

Weird assumption there nor am I taking it personal.

I just thinks it weird to stop and expect people to know you’re stopping for them if you’re not even near them and rude to shout at them for not knowing your intentions.

I always thought that during Covid. I must admit, I found the exaggerated passing with a wide margin irritating during the pandemic and had a few muttered complaints during that time when I failed to thank people leaving ludicrous wide margins that I neither asked them to do nor cared if they did. I had no idea it still happened now, but I was muttered at the other day when I failed to get out of the way of a jogger. I was walking on the correct side of a pavement-less lane (facing oncoming traffic) and the jogger came towards me on the same side of the lane (so on the wrong side for his direction of travel) and he had the cheek to tell me off for not giving him room. I admit I was so taken aback, I said nothing in reply but he was on the wrong side and, if I had thought about it at all, I would have assumed he, as the jogger, was more physically able than me, as the slow walker, to move aside.

Its car drivers that I find more annoying tbh. If you can't gauge the width of your car, get out and walk. Althpugh, I'll admit that I'll stop to allow a cyclist or horse rider go past, when on a narrow lane. I know there is plenty of room, but it only takes a second for them to slip and go under the wheel of my car.

Someone stepped aside for me yesterday on a reasonably wide pavement and ducked into a driveway to wait. He took this action quite a long time in advance of us crossing paths but I nodded and said thanks, he hardly noticed and didn't seem to be expecting any acknowledgement just carried on along his way. A little odd but no drama.

Being polite doesn't cost you a penny, OP.

We do lots of things we don't have to in life; letting cars out of a junction, allowing elderly/disabled/people with children get in a lift first, holding the door for people. Lots of things.

Yes, we choose to do them BUT that doesn't mean the other person shouldn't use their manners.

A thank you won't kill you.

Same. I just don't get the anger/frustration here.
It might be needless, but they've made the effort anyway. So I just smile and nod.

Well, it's better than the other extreme!

What? Get out and
walk when I’m on the highway because I’m not going to risk
scraping my car trying to squeeze through a space? That’s what that sounded like. Not everyone has pinpoint spatial awareness.

I would probably still thank them , only takes a second. It's probably down to social distancing hangups.

I have encountered this several times.

It could be any of the following:

• They are tired and wanting to break anyway but too proud to admit it so they use the excuse of politeness when they need to catch their breath
• They are trying to initiate something (flirt) and stopping to catch my attention and check me out
• When I've had loads of shopping with me and being a big woman sometimes people exaggerate how much space I need to pass or perhaps I do need more space than I realise to pass

The passive aggressive need to be thanked I have encountered from insecure people who felt the world owed them, felt they were hard done by. They thought they are old fashioned and correct, judged a person's worth by things like thank you's but would do things like benefit cheat and think nothing of it as immoral or wrong. They were very concerned with their image and insecure of their status and worth in society. Grandiose, like someone said up thread...

It's been 99% men who do this.

I'm more annoyed when people take up the whole pavement. The amount of times a bloke has pushed me into the road.. once in front of a bus, apparently it's insanity for him to edge to one side of the pavement. I stick my elbows out now 😂 I'm sure a sturdy man can cope walking in one line on one side over pushing me into the roads assholes!

I have my own social protocol in pavements 😂 a tier system. Children/elderly/woman with prams, I walk on pavement nearest road and get them to walk inside. Men I'm sure can handle the outer walkway 😂😂

Covid does still exist so some people will be doing it because of Covid. If they stand to the side, they're giving as much space as possible and making the other person think about distance too.

As for runners, prams, wheelchairs - it could be the person moving aside has a hidden disability or health issue. I have balance and back issues - I'd rather be over-cautious than risk being bumped.

Yes you’re being unreasonable! Just say thank you! Common courtesy and takes seconds.

It's usually men, at women, with plenty of room to spare on the pavement. Happened a lot pre covid, it's power play. Expecting you to smile and thank them, getting nasty if you don't. Makes me quite angry.

It depends if you come from a background of people being pleasant and having manners?

Or if you come from a background of people being dull and ignorant and wouldn’t know what good manners are?

I don't thank these people. They are either doing it due to their own health anxieties (self-serving) or to be thanked (also self-serving). If people continue to thank the second group then they will continue to do it for no good reason.

@Sugaristheenemy Ergh, I completely agree. I walk a lot and it is so annoying when I have to scuttle across a road at 27 weeks pregnant with a toddler in a buggy because a driver with no one behind them wants to feel good about themselves. I turn my back to the road sometimes while waiting to cross to prevent them waving me across like the 'hero' they are...

I would just say 'thank you' and get on with my day. I don't care what their motivation is. They clearly feel they're doing a good thing and a 'thank you' costs nothing. If they smile, I will smile back. If they don't, well, they might get a smile anyway if I'm feeling generous😅

Lots of people on this thread are saying to just thank people who do this because they are being polite. How is it polite? If there is enough space to comfortably pass each other, how is someone doing this polite?

It forces a social interaction I don’t want to have. It makes me hurry myself up so I’m not inconveniencing them. It makes me question why I look like I need extra space to pass. If it’s a man it makes me do a quick assessment as to why they are trying to attract my attention and if I am safe. Before I’m jumped on my the ‘just be polite and say thank you’ brigade I have PTSD from being raped by a male stranger. No I don’t think anyone stepping aside is going to attack me but it certainly makes me question why they are doing it if there is enough space to pass and I’d much, much rather we could simply just walk past each other and avoid the situation entirely.