Not to want to go out now ....

[pinkybluered]

A few months ago my friend asked me if I wanted to go out to her local social club for a band(not really my thing but haven't seen her for a month )
She lives 20 mins drive from me but it's a hour and two trains otherwise.
I don't have a car at the minute
Previous I have gave her petrol money and she's taken my home.
She's text today saying she will meet me at train station.
Also she has her kids so I would be sleeping on sofa and she will drop me at train station next morning.
So I would be doing a 30 min train then a 20 min wait then another 30 min train.
Probably having no sleep either as I won't sleep well on sofa
Aibu not to go ?

Is she planning to drink?
If not can’t you just ask her for a lift home?

She's having some drinks yes

Why were the travel arrangements not discussed and agreed before now?
if I was your friend I’d be pissed off at you bailing out this late

Because she always drops me off at home
So I had no reason to think otherwise

You said you would go. So go. I hate flaky people. She will be drinking so can't drive you home and has offered you somewhere to sleep

Grow up

She drinks everytime and has always drove me next day

It doesn’t sound like much fun.

This really doesn’t seem like a huge amount of travelling for a night out. I’d be annoyed if I was your friend, presumably she has got childcare for the night / free pass from her husband so wouldn’t have anyone to go with if you bail

I hate people who cancel last minute for no real reason so I’d go if I committed to it. Not fair giving zero notice of cancellation

The kids are just staying home (12 and 7 ) no babysitter organised
I know it sounds stupid but I have anxiety and I felt safe getting a lift home incase I didn't sleep and felt ill
Now the thought of having to get the train and possibly passing out with no sleep is causing me to have heart palpitations

Sleeping on a sofa is fine for one Night surely?

It's not just about that
It's possibly being hungover and having to get two trains home plus a 30 min wait
So it's 1 1/2 hours travelling time

I thought you meant she would drive you back afterwards. Ok so she usually drives you home the next day ...

Why isn't she this time? Didn't you give her petrol money? Maybe she hasn't got time , needs to pick kids up, take them somewhere hubby needs the car etc maybe she doesn't fancy it after drinking and only prepared to take you to teh statio. Which is perfectly reasonable

Just go and stop being childish.

Get a taxi home at the end of the night?

She's said she just wants to relax the day after
She isn't married and kids would be with her anyway
I normally give her £10 petrol money

You're being flakey

@Eyesopenwideawake I've checked and taxi is showing as £45.96

I would just be honest, ‘sorry but I can’t bring myself to travel for an hour and a half each way’.

I hate when people do this, making plans well in advance and this ditch them last minute!

can you not get a train after the night out? Or if you’re worried about being hungover, just don’t drink much?

why did you make an assumption your friend would leave you home? You are an adult!! Stop assuming

Well unless you had a car when you agreed and that's what's changed things, I think you should go along with what you've agreed to, as I think letting someone down unless unavoidable is pretty poor.
But next time, when it's an event you don't want to go to, with travel you don't want to do and sleeping arrangements that don't work for you, for goodness sake, decline at the outset. You are trying to people please and will end up doing the exact opposite by disappointing her at the last minute.

She lives in the middle of nowhere
I can't just get a taxi to the train station
There's a small taxi tank with about 2 taxis for her village
The train station is 24 mins from hers
It starts at 8
The last train from the second station is 10pm which means I would have to leave at 9pm to catch the first train

It was okay when she drove me home -otherwise altogether it's nearly 2 hours to get home for a 20 /25 min car journey
The train station is 20'mins in opposite direction from hers

You clearly don’t want to go, you’ve made your mind up and throwing out every excuse in the book for what people are suggesting.

waste of time for you even posting on this thread!!!

You don’t need our permission to cancel if that is what you want to do. If she normally gives you a lift and she has suddenly changed her mind and expects you to sit on a train for an hour and a half she can’t be too shocked that you don’t want to go. If you are worried she will be upset just say you missed the train.

I no longer do stuff I don’t want to do. I was a people pleaser for years and trust me it fills you with resentment. If you feel anxious and it’s all doing your head in don’t go.