Page 16 | To not get out of bed just to say bye.

LadyDane · 2023-06-30T06:11:30+00:00

I work shifts, never full night's but early & lates and when I'm on a late I may not get in until 10:30/11pm, then I need to eat, wash and wind down so I can often not be in bed until gone midnight. My husband tends to leave for work around 7:30am. He has an older son who stays with us a week on week off. He is 11 and has been walking to school since the start of the year. Me and DH can't seem to agree on this. DH ensures SS's alarm is set in the evening and he knows to make some cereal and brush teeth and what time he needs to leave but he's always mithering me to get up and 'see him off, say good morning, good bye, doesn't want him getting up to an empty house all the time'. There is no choice when I'm on earlies as I leave before DH anyway so there is literally no one else in when SS gets up but DH expects me to get up when I've been on lates just to do this. I don't think it's necessary and if he's that bothered he should go into work late. AIBU not to get up early after working late just to say goodbye?

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:08

what is not made up is that an 11 year old child is being ignored by an adult and left to prep themselves for school and leaves the house as if they weren't even there. pretty crappy to do that to a child. typical defend the woman at all costs mantra its pretty sad for children actually some of you are like a cult.

yogasaurus · 01/07/2023 13:09

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:04

ok lets look at the facts;

11 year old comes to their blended home every other week
father goes to work and leaves at 7:30am
step mother on the days she gets home late sleeps as the kid preps himself for school, gets is own breakfast, let's himself out of the house
he leaves for school as an adult stays in bed

I would not care if it was an aunt, uncle, foster parent, baby sitter, bio father Get your ass out of bed and show some basic kindness to a child! And when her bio kid is 11, get out of bed and say goodbye, have a lovely day at school, then go back to bed.

You’re not the parenting police.

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:09

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 12:30

yes you are right, he has no needs to be met at 11 he can do it all himself and his dad is crap. she can sleep and that's fine. no worries. lovely mothers with such compassion over step children.

Why should stepmothers be expected to care more than the children’s parents?

This father regularly leaves his 11 year old alone in the house to get himself ready for school (when the OP is actually at work).

But somehow you are holding her responsible for his failings. More responsible.

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:11

and you are assuming it doesnt bother the child when the father has bought it up so it must have some relevance but I am not surprised my defending a child has copped so much heat. I know too many kids affected emotionally by casual neglect.

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:12

there is no wrath it's a conversation

there’s a lot more emotionally manipulative rhetoric on your end than what most of us would call ‘just conversation’.

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:13

Blame their parents.

aSofaNearYou · 01/07/2023 13:13

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:08

what is not made up is that an 11 year old child is being ignored by an adult and left to prep themselves for school and leaves the house as if they weren't even there. pretty crappy to do that to a child. typical defend the woman at all costs mantra its pretty sad for children actually some of you are like a cult.

Or we just don't think all children are as fragile as you seem to.

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:14

are we reading the same post
there is only one child being left to fend for themselves and get themselves ready, feed themselves and unlock the house and go to school with no goodbye from the adult in the house. "their child" is with dad. the step kid doesnt even get a goodbye. not much to ask some basic acknowledgement. anyway we wont agree and thats fine. i will always advocate for children and basic kindness isnt too much to expect for a 5 min goodbye have a lovely day.

yogasaurus · 01/07/2023 13:14

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:11

and you are assuming it doesnt bother the child when the father has bought it up so it must have some relevance but I am not surprised my defending a child has copped so much heat. I know too many kids affected emotionally by casual neglect.

The the father should get him up earlier and do these things with him.

I don’t see casual neglect here, but I detect more than casual misogyny from you.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 01/07/2023 13:15

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:11

and you are assuming it doesnt bother the child when the father has bought it up so it must have some relevance but I am not surprised my defending a child has copped so much heat. I know too many kids affected emotionally by casual neglect.

If this is a reply to me, Im not sure as you havent tagged anyone, please could you quote where I have "assumed" it doesnt bother the child

Or to you just believe I have assumed that?

If this is to another poster it would be helpful to reply or tag the specific person you mean

aSofaNearYou · 01/07/2023 13:16

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:14

are we reading the same post
there is only one child being left to fend for themselves and get themselves ready, feed themselves and unlock the house and go to school with no goodbye from the adult in the house. "their child" is with dad. the step kid doesnt even get a goodbye. not much to ask some basic acknowledgement. anyway we wont agree and thats fine. i will always advocate for children and basic kindness isnt too much to expect for a 5 min goodbye have a lovely day.

A 5 minute goodbye is not worth an adult bring chronically tired. You can't pour from an empty cup.

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:16

LOL@ misogyny the world has gone mad. I advocate for children. this is not father vs step mother so get over yourself. stop the woke lingo it is basic family values of making every child feel validated and acknowledged. I care about the kid I could care less about either adult

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:17

wish I was because no kid would leave the house without a goodbye have a good day and acknowledged that they mattered

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:19

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:16

LOL@ misogyny the world has gone mad. I advocate for children. this is not father vs step mother so get over yourself. stop the woke lingo it is basic family values of making every child feel validated and acknowledged. I care about the kid I could care less about either adult

The father could get the child up at 7am (no child should be overtired getting up at 7am) and have breakfast with his son. The he can say goodbye to his child before he leaves for work.

But hey, there’s a women to blame instead…

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:20

"manipulative rhetoric" is so stupid. i will make is simple. get your ass out of bed for 5 minutes and say goodbye to an 11 year old and wish them a good day even after they have clothed and fed and prepped themselves. not much to ask is it for a child. basic humanity. basic kindness. basic caring. show a child they matter.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 01/07/2023 13:21

Its always amusing to see posters demanding kindness at the same time as they attack someone else

Be kind, but I dont have to be

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:22

there is a woman in bed leaving a kid to get itself ready for school without a basic good morning and goodbye. not a rabbit. not a magic carpet. a woman so yeah only one person to bring up

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:25

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:20

"manipulative rhetoric" is so stupid. i will make is simple. get your ass out of bed for 5 minutes and say goodbye to an 11 year old and wish them a good day even after they have clothed and fed and prepped themselves. not much to ask is it for a child. basic humanity. basic kindness. basic caring. show a child they matter.

Except that you should be speaking to the father who doesn’t get his child up slightly earlier so he can see him before he goes to school.

And, yes, your style of conversation is all emotive and highly manipulative claims. I pity the people in your life if you genuinely think that is an acceptable way to approach conversation.

yogasaurus · 01/07/2023 13:26

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:22

there is a woman in bed leaving a kid to get itself ready for school without a basic good morning and goodbye. not a rabbit. not a magic carpet. a woman so yeah only one person to bring up

There’s a father leaving his child in bed without getting him up for school to tell him he’s validated and he matters.

Not sure about rabbits and magic carpets.

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:27

are you 11??? and no one is being attacked its an opinion where a question was asked and i gave an opinion and being slammed for caring for the child. you are a grown woman and caring about a blog opinion but an 11 year old being ignored like they dont exist and getting themselves dressed, fed, and leaving the house as if they werent even there, no big deal. okkkkkkk good for you all. I would never do it, have never done it but thats me and my opinion, dont want it dont ask for it.

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:31

yes my caring about an 11 year old is terrible. the carry on by some of you is priceless and the reason why so many step kids grow up feeling less loved and cared for. it doesnt take much to show a child some basic acknowledgement. and you defending a child being neglected says a lot

IncomingTraffic · 01/07/2023 13:37

Whoosh.

careful you don’t want to not hold a woman responsible for a man neglecting his child.

aSofaNearYou · 01/07/2023 14:20

deedee2023 · 01/07/2023 13:20

"manipulative rhetoric" is so stupid. i will make is simple. get your ass out of bed for 5 minutes and say goodbye to an 11 year old and wish them a good day even after they have clothed and fed and prepped themselves. not much to ask is it for a child. basic humanity. basic kindness. basic caring. show a child they matter.

Yes, it is a lot to ask, when you have a tiring life and this is your only chance for some rest.

Quinoawoman · 01/07/2023 15:50

An 11 year old shouldn't be getting up, getting ready and leaving the house on their own, but it's not your responsibility to do it - it is his dad's responsbility. That being said, would be nice if you did do it though. Would show him that you really care about him.

bringincrazyback · 01/07/2023 15:55

An 11 year old shouldn't be getting up, getting ready and leaving the house on their own

Why not? He's 11, not 5.