To really, really not want to do this.

[Nootherwayout]

I’ve used a throwaway username for this because anyone from my village would instantly recognise me 😂.

DH (and I but to a lesser extent) volunteer at our local village hall. DH is slightly obsessed with it and puts in hours and hours of volunteering most weeks. He does a lot of the organising for the Friday night social nights.

Tomorrow is the monthly bingo night and DH has not found anyone to call it this month. He has basically railroaded me into doing it, ie if I don’t do it, it can’t go ahead. He can’t because he’s the only volunteer available to run the rest of the night and no one else from the committee or village has agreed to do it.

But I don’t want to for the following reasons:

I hate bingo, I really, actually hate it! I never go to the bingo nights or if I do I sit outside with other friends that don’t play.
I don’t know the weird rhymes you’re meant to call out for certain numbers so I will have to try to learn them tomorrow.
People get really annoyed and complain when they’re not happy about the speed the numbers are called etc and I don’t want to be complained about when I’m doing something for free.
I’m 6 months in to a busy public sector job that I’m still learning and I’m knackered by Friday nights.
I’m happy to do my bit and have planned and read out the quiz on quiz night 3 times so I am confident getting up in public but I said to DH right at the beginning that I do not want to call bingo.
I know full well that next month we’ll be in the same position and I’ll be expected to do it again.
My friends will be sat outside in the sunshine and I won’t be able to sit with them.
I’ll have to fake enthusiasm or it’s not fair on the people who’ve paid to play.
Did I mention, I hate bingo?

AIBU to just really, really not want to do it and if so any tips for faking enthusiasm?

I'd do it in the style of Tommy Cooper. On this occasion, weaponised incompetence is your friend.

Get sloshed and do it in the style of Sir Les Patterson, complete with insults!

This

They'll learn they need to step up and pitch in if they want nice things.

I'd back out personally. Tell him now. You're not up to it so he'll have to find someone else or cancel it.

Completely! Why is it up to you? If it gets cancelled then it’s everyone else’s fault as much as yours.

Do you have a local Fb group? Can you put a quick message and say?

Only thing I’d suggest is doing jt this time but DH OWES YOU! And make a formal announcement that if no one else does it next time then it’s not happening, so they have time to find someone.

My suggestion is do it once and do it badly. Apologise to anyone who complains, get tearful and assure them you are doing your best.

Find an improv group or amateur stand up group on Facebook and offer a bit of cash.

I love calling bingo, if you were local to me I'd do it!

People get really annoyed and complain when they’re not happy about the speed the numbers are called etc and I don’t want to be complained about when I’m doing something for free.

I'd put on my best teacher voice and say,
"Do you hear that folks, Sharon's just volunteered to call the rest of the numbers since she's clearly better at it! Come on up to the front Sharon! Don't be shy! I'll dob your card so you don't have to worry... Or whatever etc" (I don't do bingo either!). If there's a refusal maybe apologise for your lack of professionalism in a VOLUNTEER role and ask for the correct time interval and set a timer on your phone to press after you say EVERY number 🤣🤣🤣
Lol, there's a reason I never get involved in stuff like this! Seriously though, it's funny that no one else is available to read the numbers... I mean if they're attending they can't exactly say they're busy!... Maybe a rota should be drawn up for the next session for the people who like to attend... and make it clear it won't happen without a reader. They're getting a good deal out of some people anyway since your husband seems to love it. It's not on if it's putting people like yourself out though!

Yeah, they can't have it both ways. Either they step up and volunteer themselves, or they make it very clear that they are really grateful for your taking over for one night!

It's playing with kittens, isn't it?

I can't think of many things that would have too many volunteers, and they all involve kittens, puppies or horses.

FFS now DS is stuck on the m6 in stand still traffic, I won’t be willing or most importantly able to run this thing by myself so if he’s not back by 8pm it’s getting cancelled anyway 😂. Is it wrong that I’m secretly hoping he’s stuck there for the night (whilst also hoping it’s not because anyone is hurt)??

<quietly slips "Road Ahead Closed" sign back into shed>

<gets broom and sack to sweep up caltrops scattered across the M6>

No need to thank me @Nootherwayout . It's all part of the service of the Divine MN Sisterhood

Tell the villagers that bingo is off as you don't have a caller.

You put it away too soon! Apparently he’s moving now 😭😭😭.

A friend told me she'd just started volunteering with a cat charity in her area, & her job was 'socialising kittens'. It sounded great (free kittens to play with!), so I got myself down to my local branch of the same charity & asked if they wanted volunteers, expecting to get access to as many kittens as I wanted. Happy days beckoned. No, the woman said, they didn't need anyone to do anything except... fundraising.😿Did I want to do that? No, funnily enough I didn't.

(Before anybody moans at me, I've donated cash, bought items from them, given specialist food for the cats & crocheted blankets. They should've let me at those kittens.)

Yanbu. Bingo players are absolutely feral. I used to call numbers at Croydon bingo Hall in the 90s and there was a punch up most nights. One lady suffered a massive stroke and slumped forward in her chair. Her friends at the same table went right on marking their bingo cards and didn't raise the alarm until the session ended.

It seems like the village are happy to avail themselves of all these lovely events but no one wants to organise them or help. Personally I'd point blank refuse and if the lazy feckers can't play bingo this week, maybe one of them will step up to help

I'd have done it for you OP. I worked in a bingo hall years ago and loved it. We didn't do the two little ducks/legs eleven shit though

Well we’re here and it started off really badly. DH left me to put out all of the tables and chairs on my own while he fannied around sorting the TV, music, bingo machine etc. By the end of it I was hot, sweaty and raging! I ended up shouting at him for not helping me and he ended up shouting at me for “sulking”. Anyway the upshot is, he is now calling the bingo and I’m taking the payments, checking the numbers when people win etc. It’s not a night on the sofa with the dog but it’s a lot better, I’ve got a free raspberry vodka and lemonade and I can guarantee we’ll have a bingo caller for next week!

Anyway the upshot is, he is now calling the bingo and I’m taking the payments, checking the numbers when people win etc.

Result!

Eyes down!👀

Make it an innuendo Bingo night then you’ll never get asked again!
69 anyway round 69
3 is sharing is caring never alone 3
7 take me to heaven 7
1 is never alone when your with your dildo 1
30 Dirty flirty 30
Can you imagine there’s faces you’d never get asked again! 😆😂

Ha ha - good outcome, @Nootherwayout . Enjoy the evening.

That would have broken my heart . . .

Socialising (aka playing with) Kittens - YEEEES!!!

Trying to get money off people - rather not, thank you.

😧

Oh - bugger!

I’ve got a free raspberry vodka and lemonade

Still - you got a result.