AIBU to have made my relatives uncomfortable?

[SliceOfCakeCupOfTea]

I was out at a family dinner last night. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins over from out of town along with my parents, and siblings. All had partners there except for my DH (and another cousin's DH) who were at work.

DH and I have been married for a number of years and have a 6 year old DS.
My DB and SIL (calling her that out of ease) have been together 3 years and have a (nearly) 2 year old DD and are expecting another baby later this year.

One of my Auntie's started asking DB when him and SIL were going to get married. They have no intention of getting married but Auntie wouldn't let it go. DB then said that they were too busy to get married and would rather spend their money on their kids, which then made aunt switch her attention on me and the fact that we only have 1 child. She kept going on and on about how DB's DD would at least have a sibling and how we were mean by prioritising our own wants over the 'needs' of DS. This went on and on and was really pissing me off. All of my cousins who have kids have at least 2. We're the only couple with 1 DC

I ended up saying, quite loudly mainly to be heard over her wittering on, that DH and I would have loved to have another DC, we had tried for years but unfortunately for us, it just didn't happen and we don't really expect that to change now.

I will admit, I am still quite 'wounded' about this, I would have loved another DC and it's been really hard watching my DB and SIL announce two pregnancies over the years. I've come to accept that it won't happen but that doesn't mean it doesn't still sting. I must have looked quite sad when I said the above as SIL put her hand on mine and my DM quickly changed the subject. Aunt looked really put out the rest of the meal and was muttering to my Uncle while glancing up at me every so often.

After the meal, my cousin (Auntie's daughter) text me to say that I had made the whole family feel uncomfortable with my 'revelation' and I shouldn't have announced it like that. Apparently Auntie was very miffed in the car ride home.

My DM said I did nothing wrong, SIL said the same. DB thinks I was making too much of a point and could have been politer with what I said.

Should I text or call my Auntie and/or respond to my cousin? I haven't yet because I don't really know what to say!

My daughter has been married 3 years and has been having trouble getting pregnant. Her husband's family question her a lot and she doesn't want to say much. You sometimes have to put people in their place, you did absolutely nothing wrong and it sounds like the aunt is left to say and do whatever she wants.

If your aunt is comfortable enough to badger you with a personal question over and over, she ought to be comfortable enough to hear the reply.

What's really going on here is she feels a complete tit and is now laying that blame at your door rather than looking inwards to herself.

This is perfect

Not sure if you have sent this but do not say sorry

i would remove the whole sentence about sorry the revelation etc and just start with I hadn’t wanted to share

Aunt had her nose put out of joint because she was firmly in the wrong.

Reply as you suggest . Probably makes more of a point than ignoring although your cousin has some neck for telling you off.

This is why people should mind their own sodding business when it comes to anyone having/not having children.

Some people are desperate for a child and just can't conceive; others don't want any - and that is their decision - no-one else's.

Your aunt was being intrusive, bullying and thick-skinned when it came to insisting on having her say - and then very thin-skinned when she was called out on it. She's embarrassed because she knows she was in the wrong, and has been shown up about it.

Tell your cousin that you did your best to change the subjects but her bulldog mother wouldn't let the subject go. You told her why you didn't have more children, which was what she was complaining about - why you didn't have more. Well, now she knows and can stop going on about it.

If she hadn't wanted an answer, she shouldn't have asked the question. Perhaps she will keep her interfering beak out of other people's lives from now on.

I would have said that from the get go - if she's asking why not just tell her the truth? Seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to say in reply to her questions. The benefit now is no one will ask again!

Your Aunt should be apologising to you OP.

She sounds a pain in the arse and her daughters not far behind her.

You are abso-fucking-lutely not in the wrong! This is sometimes the only way to make people shut the hell up, no one knows what's happening breeding closed doors, if she didn't want a straight answer she shouldn't have kept on!
Big hugs btw

Does telling your aunt 'quite loudly' mean that you shouted at her? Then I can see why people are annoyed. Otherwise it's a case of your aunt being embarrassed that she went on about you having one child and is trying to shift the wrongdoing to you.

Good message. I'd make it shorter though:

Hi Cousin, was really nice to see you all today.

I had no intention of sharing something so personal over a family get-together, but Auntie kept on and on asking me personal, rude questions about my fertility, even though I tried to change the subject. Then she said I was selfish! She really upset me, and she's lucky I didn't tell her exactly what I thought of her last night. I'm sure if you put yourself in my shoes you'd understand how I feel.

I was always open about not bring able to have more children. It meant that no-one ever asked more than once.

@WitcheryDivine that's a very good message to send

If your Aunt was uncomfortable with the revelation, they should think how you have felt living through it.

Your Aunt shouldn't have interrogated you on your personal and private business, and it's on her that she didn't like the way the conversation ended.

The only thing you should text your cousin back is "Good."

Absolutely!

If I'd overstepped the mark like this, I'd be sending an apology, not expecting one.

Don't apologise OP, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's your Aunt who should be saying sorry to you.

I can't work out if you sent the text to the cousin or not. If you haven't then please don't - she is being ridiculous and her mother is a horrible old boot. There, I said it!

Sorry you’ve been made to feel like this OP.
If it’s any comfort, I am, and know of lots of other perfectly happy only children. You can only make the best of what life throws you.

And Aunt is totally out of order and cousin not much better!

I didn't shout. As DS would say, I was using my presenting voice.

next time just cut straight to 'oi, put a sock in it' /'shut it motor mouth' and change the subject.
I'd be very pissed off if I'd been goaded into revealing personal stuff in front of people, better to shut her down asap.

I’m really proud of how you handled this, you should be too!

Does telling your aunt 'quite loudly' mean that you shouted at her? Then I can see why people are annoyed.

So what if she did? Auntie brought it on herself.

Maybe now your aunt will think twice before opening her big mouth.
You did nothing wrong. I'd be tempted to message your cousin back and say you were upset to have such a personal and emotive topic raised in front of everyone at a family dinner.
She is at fault, not you.

This.

Your aunt is a rude, nosy ignorant cow and you showed admirable restraint in your reply.

I loathe people like your aunt.

Loathe them.

Your intended message is far nicer than mine would be

Dear Cousin,

Perhaps whilst we are on the subject of uncomfortable and sensitive, your mother could do with keeping her nose out then she wouldn't be uncomfortable when she hears the truth of the matter. Its made me fell uneasy but she didn't think about that....