Responsibility towards niece and nephew

[Emotionalstorm]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

My sister in law is a qualified GP but has chosen not to work because she said that she found the job bad for her mental health. After 6 months of sick leave, she has been a stay at home mum for three years now.

Her husband has failed his medical exams so won't be able to make consultant. His income is around £65k as a trainee doctor and has stagnated. He's also not hungry and won't take locum work for extra pay.

My husband earns quite a lot (more than £1M each year) but it varies based on the profits of the business. He thinks there will be a slowdown in work in the next 12 months so his income may go down.

We are planning to send our daughter to private school in September. SIL caught wind of this and sent her husband over to ask us to help them out because the cost of living crisis is hitting them hard. They think that their kids should also be sent to private school if their cousin gets to go. They said it might cause resentment between cousins.

We can comfortably afford to send all three kids to private school this year but there's no guarantee we can fund this for all three kids up until they're 18 so we don't want to make this kind of financial commitment. I also find it a bit insulting that my SIL chose not to work as a GP or find an alternative career. Both my husband and I work (although I work only 3 days a week part time - I earn around £120k a year so much less than my husband). Why should we be subsidising their lifestyle so they get the same thing as us when they have a SAHM. My husband has also been on stress leave in the last 12 months and is very overworked. We have been discussing cutting his working days to 3 or 4 days a week but he would not feel comfortable doing this if he has to fund three kids through private school till they're 18.

When we go out together (with in laws) we always settle the whole bill and when we go on holiday we also pick up the bill.

My husband and I make financial decisions jointly so if one of us vetoes then we don't go ahead with the plan. I plan to veto and he is not keen to fund his nephew and niece's school fees either. We help them out here and there. We buy them everything on their wishlist (toys books etc) so it's not like we do not help out.

However, this may of course put my husband in a difficult position with his brother and we are worried they may restrict our access to their children. I am very close to my niece and she misses me terribly when I am too busy to visit her. She sends me voice messages asking me to come.

I feel a bit guilty because I do love her. Should I just suck it up and take on this financial responsibility.

Please note that although my husband earns more than me, I have more assets than him so we have equal say over what we do with our money.

So, the lot of them are entitled, jealous, spiteful and ugly-acting CFers? People who think they are entitled to money they didn't earn because....they figure it's someone else's job to give them a lifestyle they want and are too lackadaisical to achieve?

Oh, SIL's parents are not your family. They can go pound sand. Too bad they didn't do a better job of raising their daughter. Maybe then she wouldn't be a lazy, spoiled, envious, excuse-making CeeUNextTuesday.

I think it's worse than that. I think SIL is a SAHP, but MIL goes and cares for the children every single M-F. That, to me, says more than anything else. The sense of "you owe me everything I want because I refuse to work for it" entitlement is just mind-boggling.

Wants are not needs. I think, if you won the lottery and everyone just sat around, doing bum-frickin' nothing but put their hands out for you to fill; you'd either:
A--get tired of it at some point
B--be like so many lottery winners who end up broke in 5 years.

The more you give, the more they want.

Say your lovely DH has seen what a SAHP can do, so would like to cut back his hours also? All the kids would surely appreciate that.

Say your lovely DH has seen what a SAHP can do, so would like to cut back his hours also? All the kids would surely appreciate that.

Shrinkflation, innit?

Please read the full thread before commenting. This is clearly a fabrication.

My guess is OP will not be back now that they were caught out. Cannot afford clothes indeed !

I would also stop paying for meals out and toys. These people are in no way poor.

Invite them out for food at yours if you want. And then when they ask to go out, tell them it’s their turn to have you over.

Just read the last page.

How bored do you have to be with your life to tax your brain with these tawdry scenarios.

Find a purpose in life.

You could suggest that you'll make a contribution to the school fees, but taking on the whole fees for 2 children is too much, particularly when their parents are not actively trying to fund the costs.

FFS--Someone must have a very boring, sad and lonely life if they go to different boards and post "tall tales".

Like PP mentioned, if you are going to post stories, remember your previous stories and make sure they line up.

It must suck to have such a need for attention that one will post these stories for "feelz".

If it helps you or dh feel less obligated remind yourselves they can afford but they choose to have a stay at home parent which also brings benefits to their children.

Then you're either a) lying or b) a mug

I’m confused - your niece isn’t currently in nursery as your SIL has turned down places at good ones, but she already has a headmaster who is saying that she has great potential for private school (about a nursery/ pre-nursery aged child) - but she’s also old enough to text you to say how much she’s missing you?

Either way, of course you say no, unfortunately that’s not going to be possible (you can add that DH is planning on reducing his hours for his own health reasons if you want to give a reason). I can’t imagine they will completely restrict access to their kids because then who will pay for meals out and holidays?

Save your fingers, guys, it’s all a load of guff.

Fake thread alert

Not just a fake thread, a fake poster.

I don't know if this is a whole load of guff, but in case it isn't I know where the OP is coming from. My MIL, SIL and her DH are all undoubtedly annoyed that our DC are able to go to an expensive fee paying school when my SIL's won't, and that there is no way we would support them to do so as I don't see it as my responsible at all.

There has always been a mixture of massive expectation on their part as well as the fact that they made some financial decisions that have locked them into the situation they are in (huge mortgage, stupid cars on tick) that they did for image and to try and prove a point (that they can actually never win ironically) which isn't my problem.

So really, it's up to them.