Husband expects me to do so many out of school activities

[Flopberry]

I have a 4 & 6 year old and current time table is;

monday acting class for both in our local area, an hour later my son has football out of our area and leaves a lot of hanging about as not enough time to go home.

tuesday - football for my son, meaning I’m driving home to go back out of town

Friday - tennis in local area this is fine (for both)

Saturday - football out of town and then dancing (dancing for both)

sunday - park run out of our area

I messaged him and spoke today about how I need to drop something as I’m going into my final
year of nursing and I work bank shifts too, I simply can’t cope anymore. But instead of any compassion he’s asked me to now take my son to golf lessons on Thursday evenings (6 week course) I should point out that most of these activities are on during the summer holidays.

he’s making me feel like I want my own children to miss out. Of course I don’t, I’m just so mentally drained.

so am I being unreasonable to say no the golf (not that I have much of a choice, I most likely will be forced)

This!!! Literally tell him to fuck off!!!

This. My brother went to Cambridge and then to Harvard and did no after school activities that I recall 🤷‍♀️

He can go on and on. It's your reaction to that whining that counts.

You can walk away. They do not need that many activities at that age. It sounds like he is trying to make them athletes/little stars, instead of letting them be children.

He sounds like a total azzhat jerk.

it's BS and he's a cunt
he's trying to sabotage your career and keep you stressed so that you are easier to control
get rid
↘
🗑

Will you be able to afford to leave him then?

Because you need to

Just don't take them, they can't get there by themselves. Parkrun can easily be dropped without impact on any team stuff like football.

Yes, just don't take them, and don't tell him.

Bloody hell OP you really need to sort this out. Not allowed?? Sorry but you really need to put your foot down! Sit your husband down and tell him enough is enough! You've got far too much on your plate you WILL NOT be doing all these ridiculous after school activities. Why do they need to go to acting class? Or golf? Tell him you are cutting back and if he wants to take them he can. Yes I'm sure he'll tell you hes far too busy himself to do this but you are busy as well, he needs to be made to see that. If he guilt trips you just tell him tough tits you cannot do it anymore. Does he usually bully you like this?

It's way too much, utterly unfair on you and exhausting. When do your dc get a break? When do you? Drop anything out of town. This leaves tennis and drama I think. Keep weekend park run if your husband commits to taking them. If it means so much to HIM that they attend, HE will take them.

In a few years they will also have homework to do on top of this. Kids need time to be kids.

I must say there was a period of time where mine was doing a lot of things, like a lot of her contemporaries and they have all nearly dropped everything anyway. The odd one does one sport or maybe an instrument. Looking back it seems a little bit of a waste of time but I wanted to give her the opportunity to try things. Some of them have only found the things they enjoy when starting secondary as well.

I think it’s a pity there isn’t anything more social like cubs/brownies. Better than more lessons.

"D" H is a lazy controlling twat, and you're enabling him.
"Mummy doesn't want to take you to football" - your response is that Daddy can't be bothered to take him to anything.

Allowed?

You are an adult. Your DH doesn't get to tell you what you are and are not allowed to do.

I have been guilty of over scheduling and sometimes something has to give. I’d say no to the golf and look at the following:

Mon: acting plus football (can you drop this football?)
Tue: football
Fri: tennis
sat: football plus dancing (if there are 4 activities each, split it equally so either take one child each or one set)
Sun: park run (unless you enjoy this get him to do this)

@Flopberry em where is your husband????

Your kids are far too over-scheduled

When do they just play? Go for a walk, with no purpose other than to enjoy a walk? When do they play in the park?

I’d have no more than 2 extra curricular activities at that age.

Fuck that for a game or soldiers

Kids that age need to be home after school, dinner, bath and bed

Park visits/low key activity on the weekend

He is making a fool of you op.

I’m sorry to say he is emotionally blackmailing, controlling & gaslighting you. Please seek professional support and help. I recently cancelled 2 things my oldest was doing as the ferrying around and juggle was too much, it was a joint decision between both my husband and I and final decision by me as it affected me the most. My son has never complained about going or looked back since. Happy Mum, Happy Kids. Good Luck and take care OP!

That’s ALOT for children of that age! They must be exhausted! I’d ask them each what their favourite activity is and one thing each a week is plenty! Why does a 6yr old need football 3x a week!?

he sounds like a control freak!?
say you’ve spoken to the children & they’ve both chosen what they love & that’s the new time table!

he sound’s completely unreasonable!

@30swith3 How is he gaslighting?

This is crazy! It’s lovely to give your children lots of wider opportunities but your poor children also need some down time and time to relax and rest… as do you!!! I would say that the children choose up to 2 extra curricular activities that they want to do each and that’s it. If they then want to try something different, they can do a swap. This is about enriching your childrens lives and is not about what your husband wants them to do … they will get lots of enrichment from quality time spent with you at home as well as extra curricular activities - there’s definitely a balance to be had

I personally feel that is too much for children that age. My son is 5 and goes swimming one day after school, so d be happy for him to do another activity such as karate but he doesn’t want to currently. I use to be a nanny and the children had a similar timetable to yours, something every day inc the wkends and all they wanted to do was chill out at home some nights

What do you mean you are not allowed? Why is he forcing you? It does not sound right. It sounds as an abusive relationship where you work for him and cDNA not decide gir yourself. Just say no and you would not drive to golf ad you feel it is too many activities for the kids and you and you want a quiet day during the week. What would he do?

This. Protect yourself and your tiny children from this controlling bully. 🌸

Hello OP,

Firstly I hope you’re ok? All these comments must be a lot to take in. What many have already said is totally right - this is emotional abuse and control. You need to talk to someone about this and get help as it’s not healthy. Seek help for the benefit of you and your children.

And to answer your original question.. that is way too many classes for a 4 and 6 year old and totally unnecessary. I expect they’d enjoy doing less. I would cut a number of them out and the golf idea is ridiculous.

Hope you’re OK. Sending strength. You can’t go on like this.

Just stop being a drip and grow a backbone. Stop being bullied by this man.