To think that social standing affects the desire to associate with strangers?

[LazyJack]

I am in a very popular tourist and sailing destination. I’ve been sitting enjoying a glass of wine in the harbour and listening to a conversation unfolding on a bench on the quayside. The participants did not stop talking at eachother for around an hour and had never met prior to them sharing a bench overlooking the harbour. It led me to wondering whether your upbringing/‘class’ makes you more or less inclined to find common ground with strangers.

I am middle class, and am disinterested in any opinions on this - I can’t help my upbringing or my life. It is what it is. I will not enter into protracted conversation with strangers - I’ll exchange pleasantries and carry on with my day. I’m not interested in whether they thought their pudding in the pub down the road was overpriced or which day is bin day in Sutton Coldfield. Yet these strangers managed to prattle on for a full hour about completely inconsequential dross - they were incredibly loud so it was difficult to ignore, and they were quite close.

So; if you’re working class, do you try harder to find common ground with people? Do you try hard to be friendly? Why?

I don’t think it’s a class thing. More about whether or not you are friendly and like meeting people. I know as many standoffish aloof working class people as middle class people! Just their personality.

Well, yes, only I’m working class and know the difference!

I agree, middle and upper middle ime are far, far, far more likely to talk very loudly to people they have never met in a confident way.

What? Why would you "try harder to find common ground" with people if you're "working class"?

Yup

I'd say personality, geographical area and age thing. Which obviously can be affected by class but as clear cut as in the op. But I think social pensioner from Carlile is more likely to be chatty than shy 22yo accountant from the city of London.

I am in my 60's, middle class and love random chats with strangers. I have found that there is always something you can chat about; a common ground you can find or interesting information. E.g. chatting with an old man, working class, in our small rural town and find out he is an international rabbit judge! I have always benefited, sometimes been amazed or humbled so I think the 'fault' lies with the op in dismissing these interactions.

Reading your description, OP, I imagined the participants as upper middle until I got to the big where you suggested they weren’t, whereas the stereotype of “we keep ourselves to ourselves, thank you” is lower middle. But really it’s more about individual personality.

Oh, because you’re all gor blimey salt of the earth or something.

Oh OP were you sitting on your yacht (humble brag), same overpriced restaurant as the commoners (you're miffed it's not exclusive? )Or perhaps behind the harbour wall with a warm of wine and bag of chips (may or may not have done this myself as teen)?

Maybe its different because I'm in Northern Ireland but it's definitely more of a personality thing here.

I think it's more of an individual personality. There are some people who will chat to anyone, and some who will only chat if they recognise the other as being part of their 'tribe' and some people who will not want to engage at all.
And the place where they grew up; I grew up in the States, and it's quite natural to me to engage with a shopkeeper, for example. I'll go in and if on their own I'll ask them about the trade, how're the tourists this season, oh I like this is it popular, what do you think of that new shop down the street ...even though I don't consider myself that social.

As op hasn't returned I'm guessing she was just poking the hornet's nest for shits n giggles whilst she sipped her wine in the evening sun

Bin day at Sutton Coldfield?

Wow! Every time I read posts like this I am glad I am not part of the British class system!

It's definitely a personality trait. I'm from a city that is famous for its welcome and its ability to chit chat, not everyone in the city is like that but many, many are.

On a recent holiday with friends of the same "class" who all grew up in a different part of the area to me, I noted they were all less likely to engage with strangers, whereas they said of me "you will literally chat to anyone". What I don't think they realise is that both me, and the people I connect with take something away from that chat. It's never about bin day or overpriced food. People seem to open up to me, and I always remember those chats fondly. Connecting with fellow humans is vital to my wellbeing, no matter who they are.

I know the places you describe @LazyJack canal to the Marina, yacht club, polo, Waitrose, £750,000 for an ugly house, in the right part of town, but it’s a downsize, the garden in the country house was becoming unmanageable.
I also know the people who live in those places. They are the same people who played by your rule and once they retired and their kids want nothing to do with them, feel extremely lonely and scared. Your Coutts account can’t buy you a knock on the door for a chat when your Farrow and Ball painted walls are crushing you. And yet you do crave company, hence the glass of wine at the marina, not in your own garden.
Did I get that wrong?

More like sipping a can of warm lager in his mums basement while waiting for his mates to come online to play on the PlayStation .

My thoughts too. When I lived in a commuter town in the south east it was an incredibly rare feat to talk to anyone, anything beyond a polite good morning, except for the odd pensioner on a bus stop. Now I live in Wales and everyone talks to everyone, you can’t leave a till without knowing the cashier’s plans for the weekend, and I know all of my consultant’s favourite holiday spots. I think I suit Wales better.

I'm working class and I hate talking to strangers 🤔

I just don’t like people in general.

I'm just about the most talkative person I know and interested in everything. I'd probably be interested to hear about bin collections in Sutton Coldfield, I'd ask questions about how the recycling is sorted and everything 😀

It’s a learned thing.
FIL would talk to anyone about anything so DH does too, much to my embarrassment.
I’m definitely in the ‘oh God, please don’t talk to me’ group of people so it makes me uncomfortable when DH accosts people, especially if I see they also don’t want to talk. He can’t seem to tell so prattles on regardless.

I think your theory is shite OP. I’ve met plenty of UC people who will strike up conversation with anyone (for one thing, I think private schooling can do wonders for people’s confidence and instill the idea of ‘networking’ from an early age*). I’ve also met plenty of WC people who ‘keep themselves to themselves’, are very focused on their own family and no-one outside of that.

I have some very well to do family members who attended prestigious schools and were raised in very privileged settings. They are extremely good at passing the time of day with anyone and everyone. They’re very good at finding common ground and seem to find social chat easy.

I realise I’ve mentioned UC and WC and not MC, but I think the same applies. Some MC people will love chatting to strangers, others will not.

I’m not a chatter but I do observe that those who chat to strangers can feel more connected with their communities which is shown to be good for mental health. So sometimes I wish I was a chatter but I’m just not.

*not to suggest that these people are trying to forge business deals all the time, just that ‘networking’ might be such a habit for some people that the behaviour becomes second nature, even in situations which aren’t work-related.

What total tosh.

There are standoffish people of all classes and ones who are friendly and chatty in all classes. Now whether the conversation will develop into a lasting friendship is a different question the answer to which is possibly but generally people flock to others whom they can relate to, which usually means similar class and background.

The irony is completely lost on you. You are engaging with a bunch of strangers all over the world about whether it’s only the “working class” who engage with strangers. All whilst claiming to be too “middle class” to engage with strangers.

You can’t even make this stuff up.

If engaging with strangers is an indicator of being “working class”, then the OP is the most “working class” of them all.

Haha.

I dont think it's a class thing.

It's a personality thing or a circumstance thing.