To think that social standing affects the desire to associate with strangers?

[LazyJack]

I am in a very popular tourist and sailing destination. I’ve been sitting enjoying a glass of wine in the harbour and listening to a conversation unfolding on a bench on the quayside. The participants did not stop talking at eachother for around an hour and had never met prior to them sharing a bench overlooking the harbour. It led me to wondering whether your upbringing/‘class’ makes you more or less inclined to find common ground with strangers.

I am middle class, and am disinterested in any opinions on this - I can’t help my upbringing or my life. It is what it is. I will not enter into protracted conversation with strangers - I’ll exchange pleasantries and carry on with my day. I’m not interested in whether they thought their pudding in the pub down the road was overpriced or which day is bin day in Sutton Coldfield. Yet these strangers managed to prattle on for a full hour about completely inconsequential dross - they were incredibly loud so it was difficult to ignore, and they were quite close.

So; if you’re working class, do you try harder to find common ground with people? Do you try hard to be friendly? Why?

I do see what you see, OP, but wonder if it’s more if a town/ country thing- country people more likely to want to chat.

Not a class thing but a personality thing IMO.

Used to know a Scottish woman who despite living in England at the time, was very anti-English . She firmly believed that us English were unfriendly because we wouldn't strike up conversations with strangers.

Definitely think this is a personality thing. I have a group of 10 friends from various backgrounds and some would struggle to speak to strangers due to shyness while others would have made friends with every person in a bar within half an hour.

My husband and I come from similar backgrounds and have had a similar education. He is polite to everyone, but only really comfortable talking to long-standing friends or people in a similar position in life to himself. I never end a taxi journey without knowing all about the taxi driver's children and grandchildren, where they are going on holiday and what they are studying at university.

How did you know what ‘class’ these people were? Do you know their background?

There are unfriendly snobs amoung the wealthiest to the most impoverished. There are chatterboxes and bores who drone on and on and on, among the wealthiest to the most impoverished.

Oh have a day off.
What a load of shite!

I have never in my life walked away from somebody wondering (or caring) what class they are! What is the obsession on here with it?!

A lot of replies such as …, the working class mums at the school gate or the middle class in the supermarket?!
How the hell would you know what class somebody is?

So how do you ever make friends or partners? Surely you'd never get beyond the pleasantries?

I think it's odd you assume only working class people talk about bin days or overpriced pub food, this seems very judgmental and I'm sure the same conversations happen in the middle classes.

Odd post!

I don’t think it’s a class thing, I’ve had upper class people start conversations. I think it’s down to personality and confidence.

As a person with a working class upbringing that runs in more middle class circles now, I would say that both groups have people that enjoy small talk. The topics are a bit different (as a general rule) but I think PPs are right, that it does come down to time and being introverted/extroverted.

Northerners are much more friendly on the whole and seem more open to small talk. It's nice to witness but I'm not used to the level of everyday interaction with strangers and would find it exhausting. I can chat to someone on a till etc if I'm in the right mood but I'd never kick off conversation.

I don't get this obsession with class.

You just sound as though you don't like people very much.

This is not a middle class thing. The desire to connect and fit in is human. You may have had no desire to connect with this group, and no desire to belong, but if a glosse posse ambled by, and they had the right accent and clothes, but were talking about house prices and school places (yawn) no doubt you would have felt a little bit more inclined to catch their attention in some way and gently, classily, edge your way in to the conversation.

yes, and the open mindedness to know that anybody can be interesting, somebody 'high status' can bore you. I never know who I'm going to connect with.

I chat to everyone. I'm solidly middle class.

I'm very solidly and boringly middle class (going back generations ) and I'll chat to anyone!

I've had many a lovely random conversation (including in yacht clubs/marinas ...).

It's more a personality thing surely?

So what are you saying OP?

That working class people are friendly but talk ‘diss’, and mc people like you are more stand of fish but worth waiting for for the sheer quality of your non-Sutton Coldfield based conversation?

I am mc and love talking to anyone, and finding stuff out.

Dross, not diss

I'm middle class and am quite happy chatting to strangers. I don't chat to everyone but particularly during enforced company (very long queues, train journeys) I end up chatting semi regularly if a conversation comes up.

Feels like an opportunity for my favourite."the plural of anecdote is not data" - I don't think we can conclude anything about the relative likelihoods of people wanting to chat/avoid chatting without some actual data.

I would say though that I have had some great conversations with strangers so maybe you're missing out. (I've equally had some very weird ones, it's definitely a game of roulette.)

Wtf? How does class make you sociable or not? The whole class thing confuses me... like who is working or middle? Does it depend on your job? Or how much in the bank at a certain point in time? Or is it dependent on where you are born then you just carry that through?

For me it depends on my mood, sometimes I can't be bothered to engage so smile and leave.. other times I have a proper interaction and enjoy it. I've met people who appear rude and point blank won't engage even if the Bar man passes their drink, others who are social bunnies. Never ever witnessed a particular class or demographic to said individuals.

I suppose those working class people have removed the stick from their arses sufficiently long enough to have curiosity about the lives of the people around them.

Middle class people definitely have equally dull small talk but there's often a "showing off" subtext. Someone I was making small talk with the other day as we waited for a meeting to start managed to bore me rigid banging on about their fussiness around rare coffee and where they "sourced" it

‘Prattle on’
Good grief!

It’s not a class thing. It’s an introvert / extrovert thing. I grew up very working class, but my education, my job & my standard of living means that most people would probably consider me to be middle class. I’m also quite private & introverted and I can’t imagine anything worse than talking to strangers, other than a brief exchange of pleasantries, while I’m on holiday.

Life is a shit sandwich and if putting the world to rights with a friendly random makes the next bite more palletable for you both then more power to your elbow. I can hear the gagging but smiles and friendly banter is contagious, but God forbid we have a happy epidemic.

OP If they're talking about bin day in Sutton Coldfield then they are definitely middle class.
But it does sound like you might have bumped into my mother at some point as this was her main topic of conversation (until she moved).