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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and Chinese take away

345 replies

SeaSnakes1 · 27/06/2023 18:49

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
YeahIsaidit · 27/06/2023 20:49

This is reminding me of the time I passed by a family and the young teen-ish looking son was giving off at his parents for not being allowed a subway with "it's not fair you walked me past the smell of it and now I want it!"

Is he banning bread and cake for everyone too? Do you have to hide in the cupboard to eat a biscuit?

He's being ridiculous, it's crap when you have something others have sometimes but he's a grown man, he'll live. What in all actuality would he do if you brought home a Chinese for you and the kids and something else for him? Stomp up the stairs like a huffy child declaring how unfair it was would be my guess.

BrunoMarzipan · 27/06/2023 20:50

As long as you repeat gluten free, there are a lot of dishes that don't contain soy etc.
I had gallstones and couldn't eat any fat at all, and was pregnant so couldn't get surgery. It got worse and worse and I was terrified to eat anything that wasn't "safe", but I never begrudged my family having Xmas dinner or cheese, chinese etc. I got those weird Terrys fruit shapes for Xmas instead of chocolate 😂

Guineapigwoes · 27/06/2023 20:51

My DH is GF and we don’t have Chinese cos I don’t want to be mean to him. Wait until a night that he is away/goes out

Theunamedcat · 27/06/2023 20:53

I'm gluten free have been for 20 years for most that time I've had young children who quite like chicken nuggets even though I was never a big eater of nuggets I REALLY want them not the gluten free breaded ones but the proper fatty batter ones with barbecue sauce all of which contains gluten literally cannot have what I want

I still cook it for the kids

Okshacky · 27/06/2023 20:53

Are there a lot of Chinese dishes without soya sauce @BramblyHedge ? I’d be surprised

triballeader · 27/06/2023 20:54

In a similar boat, DH loves Chinese food. He has recently been diaognosed with diabetes and cealiac disease. He has also taken it pretty hard as there are no safe for cealiac Chinese takeaways within miles of us. Having to make a vast diet change as an adult is IMHO much harder than one you have had time to grow up with and be used to. I make mostly fakeaways from scratch OR you could try Wagamamas for a special treat. They can cater for my DH [recommend not the busiest times on Friday and Saturday evenings to be extra safe as if it goes wrong he usually ends up in hospital for a few days] Wagamama’s is now our go to for a Chinese style meal. It’s taken him nearly 12 months to get his head round it all but he is now more used to it and making sensible choices.

Waynettaaa · 27/06/2023 20:55

I've had 16 years of going without when my family have various takeaways. He needs to get over himself! Tell him to look on Facebook, a couple of great groups for food/eating out etc

Also invest in some Becky Excell books. Her recipes are great and she has many take aways in one.

MySoCalledWife · 27/06/2023 20:56

Did he abstain from alcohol, soft cheese, going out etc when you were pregnant? In solidarity?

… thought not

rainbowsandrainclouds · 27/06/2023 20:56

Tell him to grow the fuck up. Yeah, it's rubbish but he'll just have to deal with it. Like an adult.

Ouchee · 27/06/2023 20:57

Youtoldmeonce · 27/06/2023 19:12

Did he give you alcohol, soft cheese etc when you were pregnant??

Good question (give up, she corrected in a later post)

If he goes out I'd order it when he was out. If he didnt I'd expect him to cook a fakeaway or get an m&s gluten free chinese ready meal or something for whrn I ordered with the kids. If he's truly tortured he can stay in his bedroom or go for a drive or whatever.

pinkbottle1252 · 27/06/2023 20:59

Find a gluten-free Chinese, join the FB page for gluten-free eating.

I'm gluten-free and haven't had a Chinese in 7 years, my husband, knowing that I miss them purposely only gets Chinese when I'm not at home/not hungry etc as he feels it's not fair to eat in front of me. I don't dictate this. It does get easier being gluten-free, however, at the start, it is torture. He shouldn't dictate, but also id ask you to be mindful.

MummyJ36 · 27/06/2023 21:00

My daughter was dairy free for the first 5 years of her life. We explained to her that diary made her sick so unfortunately if there was dairy treats on offer she wouldn’t be able to have any but there were plenty of other alternatives she could have. Maybe your husband needs that explains to him too?

phoenixrosehere · 27/06/2023 21:01

bonfirebash · 27/06/2023 20:20

Why could t you have watermelon or grapes?

Show quote history

Grapes made me sick when I ate them and later read that they’re one of those foods where there’s mixed studies about if they’re safe or not to consume due to resveratrol toxicity and them often being sprayed with pesticides that are not easily washed off. Watermelon made me sick during my second pregnancy every time I tried them even though I didn’t have a problem eating them in my first pregnancy and was able to have some after the second was born. Funny enough, my second born loves watermelon.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 27/06/2023 21:02

Unless he's allergic to it airborne then Ofc he's unreasonable. One person does not get to tell other people what they can eat.

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 27/06/2023 21:03

Can you get it one night when he's out working late or at the pub, out with mates etc?

Vitriolinsanity · 27/06/2023 21:05

Fair enough, must be very difficult making the transition. I have to say though I'd be taking the kids out to eat, without DH it likely wouldn't be more expensive than takeaway.

zoomiesdrivememad · 27/06/2023 21:05

LTB.

Chinese is my favourite and no one would EVER stop me having one

ScribblingPixie · 27/06/2023 21:06

He's being totally unreasonable - ask but don't demand - but it is torture when people eat things you love but can't have in front of you. I'd either get one on a night when he was out or make your own gluten-free versions.

BramblyHedge · 27/06/2023 21:07

Okshacky · 27/06/2023 20:53

Are there a lot of Chinese dishes without soya sauce @BramblyHedge ? I’d be surprised

I'm sorry but I don't understand how your reply relates to my point. I was talking about being GF and being sad I can't eat bread - but getting over it.

MySugarBabyLove · 27/06/2023 21:11

His attitude would make me go out and buy a massive chinese tonight. Chicken balls, wontons, crispy duck, the works.

I’m Sympathetic to people who have to come to terms with having to get used to a different diet, but my sympathy would evaporate the minute he started trying to control me.

Get yourselves a chinese tomorrow night OP. Tell him he can either suck it up or go out. But don’t let him control you.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 27/06/2023 21:13

It’s a bit ridiculous banning it, can he not make himself a GF fakeaway

Waynettaaa · 27/06/2023 21:16

Alargeoneplease89 · 27/06/2023 20:42

Just go out with the kids for a Chinese or have a t-away if he's out.

Without being flamed, he isnt going to die by eating it, yes its uncomfortable being intolerant but my DH makes the call if he's going to eat gluten on certain occasions and put up with the effects

Not if you are coeliac. You will do untold damage and are at risk of many things, including bowel cancer. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes, than risk being glutened.

BadNomad · 27/06/2023 21:16

Tell him to make his own. He can get everything he needs from Tesco or Sainsburys.

pinkbottle1252 · 27/06/2023 21:20

@Waynettaaa

I'm gluten intolerant, I get major repercussions for days. Gastro, mood, brain fog, rashes etc. I've been gluten-free for 7 years and have never once been tempted to eat normal food. The side effects have gotten so much worse now it's been eliminated. I know this through cross contamination.

ohfourfoxache · 27/06/2023 21:21

Is he GF through choice or is he suddenly gluten intolerant?