To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

I used to get this on a two hour train journey to visit family with my DC. I always had small games and colouring books for the journey and so often every damn kid on the train would crowd round playing with my kid's stuff and talking to me non stop - while thier own CF parents had a lovely rest. I did not volunteer to be the train creche - look after your own kids you lazys CFs.

Maybe you are the only one who can see them OP and talk to them? Eh ? Maybe they are ghost children from another time desperate to talk to an adult and you have special mediumship powers? Stranger things have happened...

Lol...that's another way to look at it. A ghost buster might help.

You can tell who the CF parents are on here. The ones who deny it happens are probably the ones having a lovely rest while their children annoy other people.

Clearly didn't read all of the orginal post 🙄

Not me, it's only occasionally happened to me and I'm always with mine despite the fact he's 7.

I was thinking something similar, though I have what I think of as MBF (miserable bitch face) rather than RBF. Unless I consciously make a big effort to paste an unnatural grin on my face, I look as miserable as sin, even when i am perfectly happy. The trouble is, while it seems to put off school-age children, it really doesn't seem to bother toddlers/pre-school children. 😁

These days, it is my dgc who I take to the park, and they are all quite reserved when it comes to interacting with random children they don't already know,, and if it is clear to me that they are uncomfortable with a child who is trying to join us or monopolise my attention, and don't want to interact, it certainly isn't my responsibility to try (in vain) to get them to engage with said child. I need to concentrate on them, and if it's me that the child wants to monopolize, I can't do that without compromising the young dgc's safety. In fact, as a MIL, I would probably get shot down on here for even attempting to do that unless their parents had specifically asked me to do that parents! That's not the case in reality, of course, as I have lovely dils who seem happy with how i look after their children, but that seems to be rare here on Mumsnet.

Yup!

My MIL is lovely @Oldnproud

It can be very annoying if - because you are playing happily with your own child(ren)- you some how become the defaul childminder for the whole park/ soft play! Whilst the parents of those child sit and stare at their phones…

I think you can be clear without being rude though. “Where’s your Mum or Dad/ your adult?”, “please ask your Mum or Dad to watch you as I’m playing with my child” etc

The one that used to drive me mad was pushing the roundabout - which i find hard anyway due to a bad back. If you started pushing it for your child for a minute, half the park would run over and get on! I used to say to my children “I can push this for you, but only for as long as you’re the only ones on it”, and then stop and encourage the kids (the ones who ran over would always be much bigger and heavier) to all push it themselves.

Mine are older than this now though! One is a teen and one is 9 - if someone comes over when I’m with the 9 yo I obviously melt away and let them play together!

Does it? I wouldn't view being regularly disturbed when I'm trying to relax a non issue. It's a bit like that chatty person on a plane, the couple on holiday who want to be your new bbf or that dog that keeps coming over and sniffing/jumping.....a pain in the arse.

Quite a precious thread 😂
If you don't want to interact, a detached 'Wow' and wander off should be all it takes
None of this 'I'm trying to focus on my own children' waffle

I know, it sounds so childish and cringy.

(And I agree people don't have to play with other people's children).

I don't have kids, but in the past DH and I have had random kids come over to our table at the pub and interrupt our conversation. I cant get over the cheek and the lack of supervision. I efficiently clear them off with a 'Go back to your parents please'.
We've also, on many occasions, had kids join in with us jogging. I absolutely hate this, but don't want to discourage them from engaging in good clean activity like exercise, so keep quiet on this one.

This really annoys me. It happens to me a lot too. I don’t enjoy having to make the effort just because they’re children.

Was recently at the park with my DD, and this other little girl kept constantly talking to me and asking me to watch her do stuff. I couldn’t wait to get away from her.

The thing is if you ignore the child and/or don’t do a big smile etc… you can guarantee the parents will be glaring at you somewhere. Some may even confront you about it.

My kids sometimes befriend other kids, and that’s fine if they both keep running over to me every so often. I think that’s sweet.
But random kids who just want to talk to me in place of their parents/grandparent/whoever they are with, I really wish they would leave me alone.

I agree with the comments saying these are children's spaces - if you and your child genuinely don't want to interact with other children go somewhere else.

Remember you are modelling behaviour at all times to your own child and others - it won't be long before you really want your child to play with other kids or on their own at a playground.

Even from toddler age I would have encouraged mine to play without me in playground/sandpit etc to the best of their ability!

Children spend SO much more time than they should with only adults for company - ie. at home - and may only get an hour or two to mix with others in their day at the park - particualarly pre schoolers - let them enjoy being social!!

I hear you. I have this a lot. Unfortunately I'm extremely approachable looking and a bit of a child magnet. I don't want to talk to them either. I just make a brief positive comment eg 'That's great' then follow with something like 'can't talk to you now though, I'm playing with my DC/reading my book/on my phone' then ignore.

Remember, in other people's eyes your little angels are the shitty brats they can't wait to be rude to 😁. No doubt yours will get back a thousandfold what you dole out to others. Karma's a bitch.

Toxic positivity is a right pain in the arse, too. Plus, the resentment from the martyrdom seems to leak out anyway. 😁

And the poster saying adults helping their little ones in a play park are 'invading' children's spaces is frankly laughable.

The OP is expressing really clearly just how spread thin she feels, and how resentful she is of the parents who don't keep an eye on their own kids - rightly so. She wants to spend quality time with her children, and why should she have to manage others?

Hopefully OP has found lots of kindred spirits here, though.

No, I just think it's the MN classic "parent of small children wishes bigger children didn't exist"

Children spend SO much more time than they should with only adults for company - ie. at home - and may only get an hour or two to mix with others in their day at the park - particualarly pre schoolers - let them enjoy being social!!

Leaving aside the fact that children spend most of their time at schools with other kids, this is as it should be. We should be firmly attached to our children, not encouraging peer attachment. They will still have friends, but they won't crave the interactions they get from friends who are not likely to be very reliable due to their immaturity. Much healthier to have children strongly attached to their parents.

Thanks for this - I needed a laugh! 😂

I had no idea that there was a universally- recommended quota for child to adult time, which rule book do I find this in please?

My son is an only child but luckily I shove him in after school club for hours on end so hopefully that means I’m complying…

You sound like a miserable person. You are at soft play not a restaurant, there will be children who want to interact with you and your children (oh the horror)!

"Toxic positivity" - also known as "niceness" 😄😄😄