To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

Who on Earth says we “shouldn’t be encouraging peer attachment”? And how do you differentiate it from “having friends”? In any event, depending how many wings her house has, OP’s already fucked that right up by having more than one child, so she might as well save some hassle and sit and chill at the park now.

Well, among others, Dr Gordon Neufeld.

Peer attachment is what happens when people parent at a distance. Healthy friendships are different.

How so, and how does one distinguish between them?

Can't believe this is even a thread 😆 such a none issue. I've got three DC and have never felt this. You sound so miserable and unfriendly.

If you didn't want to watch them at the park then why did you watch them?

With regards to soft play, I would of just politely told the parent they weren't my children and leave it at that.

Wtf

Agree

I always seem to be the pied piper followed by groups of children in parks and soft play.
I think it’s because I’m quite immature and usually make up games and get stuck in rather then sitting on my phone.

The problem is there’s always at least one kid who is bossy and wants to take over or show off. I had some random child doing handstands to show off for me in the pool whilst I was swimming laps alone last weekend, I was getting very frustrated as I was trying to workout properly and the kids mother waved and said something about going to the cafe as we were “playing together so well”
She made it sound like we were the same age and I’m 38!!

I love the hissing idea and wish I’d tried it when the huge hints I’d dropped to be left alone didn’t work.
I said to the kids parent that I was not responsible if she left her with me whilst she went for a coffee and that I’d come alone to relax. She sighed and looked very put out and sat down reluctantly for 5 minutes. When she realised I wasn’t engaging and not willing to keep her little treasure occupied she decided they should leave the pool.
It was a bit sad because the kid had a sibling who had made friends with other kids and because she wasn’t entertaining her sister and I wasn’t happy to oblige they all left.

I try not to make eye contact and when other kids approach me to play I usually say “that’s great go tell/show your mummy or daddy”
Some parents just pretend not to hear and you can see why the kids think it’s ok to interrupt other families because they are never told it’s bad manners.

It never happens to my friends but they laugh when we go out together and kids latch on to me, I think some people are just more approachable. It’s not mean to want to spend time with your kids and have to split the attention with strangers kids. It’s difficult when they don’t take no for an answer.

I will try a subtle hisss in future if they don’t get the message.

This happens to me a lot too
last week I was pushing my dd on the swing and a girl walked over and demanded that I pushed her too
then the girl decided to follow dd around the park, my dd has ASD and wanted no parts
girl came over sulking to me, that dd doesn’t want to be her friend..
I didn’t know how to explain ASD to a 5 yr old so I just said “oh”

there might be some truth in what the other poster said about being “performative” or animated catching the attention of the kids ,
I have to be slightly animated when interacting with dd and I do have to hover around abit for safety reasons , whereas most of the other parents are somewhere else sitting on the bench

You’re obviously a lovely mum and have a great time with your kids when you’re out. Other children see that and naturally want a piece of the action. Just let them join in there’s no harm in it. It’s a compliment.

You must have some amazing quality (I mean this in a nice way), that means kids are drawn to you. I don't think this happens to most people! I'd say just avoid eye contact

I’ve never been around so many children who will happily trot up to two or more adults deep in conversation and just start talking/screaming. DD’s friends do it. Manners? Taught any? Nope!

I’m with you OP. I don’t want to engage with other people’s offspring, I don’t want to push them on the swing because their actual parent is too engrossed in their phone. I don’t want to talk to them, hear about their hair bobble, holiday, what they’re doing the rest of the day because the parent can’t be arsed!!!!! Parent your own bloody children- you had them, you supervise them.

I used to experience a similar thing back when I was a support worker. We have a big softplay place nearby that has a small corner for "sensory play". It's supposed to be for children with disabilities who are unable to use the main area. You book a time slot so you have it to yourself. But every single time little children from the main area would come in and fuck around. You'd hear "Michael!" from a distance, but mother never got up off her ass to come remove Michael. She could see him from where she was sitting so that was good enough for her.
Meanwhile, I'm getting "What's your name? Why does his head look like that? Watch me do this" etc while trying to stop my kid being knocked around or having balls thrown at him. Very frustrating.

I understand you and it happens to me as well but with one particular child. A child that goes to my child's school comes to tell ME stuff if we are waiting around after school for someone or something. I am in aus and towards the end of the school year the kids find out their class and teacher for the next year, this particular kid came running out and told me who my childs teacher was for next year before she got to tell me. Sounds like a little thing but it is just constant. A few weeks ago we had a meeting after school and I was talking to my DD and this child kept talking, kept telling me about their day, showing me their work etc. Their mum was just standing there proud as punch. I can only give so much and I asked them to please let me talk to my own child and it fell on deaf ears. Maybe the kid doesn't get it but I expect the mum to. It is annoying me now remembering it.

Oh dear Lord, you take your children to a place where there are high concentrations of children then complain when children try to engage with you. They are kids, they are little it's just what they do.

When we were away in our camper van a random kid called round and wanted me to come and play football with him. I’m 50 and not sporty. Not sure why he didn’t ask my kids but it was definitely me he called round for 😂

If the parents of every child of whatever age hovered over their children and were 'entertaining', then there would be no space for the children actually to play and the playground would be an overcrowded, noisy, intimidating place.

So I'm not sure exactly what you want the parents to do in this case? 'Engage their children'? Right, so maybe they should set up a competing game of whatever it is you're doing with your child? So it's not awkward at all to have two or more adults pretending to be a horse or playing crocodile snaps right next to each other? Or you might get into some weird stand-off over the roundabout - "excuse me, I was pushing MY child and your child tried to get on". "Well excuse me, I think your child has had long enough so could they get off so I could push MY child". Or if you're blowing bubbles to your child and some annoying brats try to join in popping them, maybe all their parents should leap up, magically produce their own bubbles and start blowing bubbles in unison like something out of a third-rate musical.

When people say that 'parents should engage their children', what do you mean? Do you think that all parents should constantly hover over their children doing their best party entertainer impression and can't you see how that would make the playground unusable?

The presence of parents in the playground and on the play equipment changes the playground from a place where children play independently and make their own fun to one where they are being constantly entertained. Of course, some parents have to hover round their children for age or other reasons, but really if you want to take over a shared playspace for the sole use of your children and not be bothered by other children, then you should stay at home. When my DC was a toddler and needed help to do things, I was always slightly apologetic to the older kids when we got in their way on the climbing-frame or in the tunnels because this was their territory, not mine, and I'd have a chat with them if they wanted.

It’s annoying when it happens but I usually manage to shrug off the other child by going to a different part of the park or taking my child on a walk and then going back. Luckily we go to parks that you have to drive to and so parents are usually more involved as they made the effort to get there. I watch older children with my toddler very closely tho and intervene as soon as he is being manhandled or spoken to rudely/unkindly in any way which has happened a few times.

Sorry you sound awful and really moody. Children just want to play, stop being so divisive and let them play with your children. They are just children jees.

I’ve only read a couple of the first replies and there really are some odd replies!

”Its a non issue” probably comes from a parent who is happy to sit on a bench having their coffee not engaging with their own child such that their child ends up tagging onto another family.

I have no suggestions but I find this annoying. It happened to me on holiday - kids wanting to talk to me and telling me what I was doing wrong with my baby. Er I just want to play with my baby?

I heard the involved parents say to their kids “pls leave mum and baby alone” but most can’t be bothered to even say that.

I think the best you can do is say “I’m sorry I’m busy playing with my Dc so I can’t speak.” And then ignore anything else. It’s really common and annoying!

Agree totally. Wtf is the matter with the so called parents on this thread. Shouldn’t have children if you don’t like children!

At the end of it all, you just come across as somebody who isn't happy in general.

There are definitely similar themes coming up on this thread from numerous posters.

Children talking over our conversations with our own (often very young) children

Children trying to play with babies when we are playing with the baby.

Children helping themselves to toys and games we brought to keep our own children entertained

Poster after poster has agreed this happens, that it can be extremely frustrating as despite the thread title no one actually wants to be unpleasant to a child but when even a direct instruction like ‘I’m playing with my own children, please tell your grown up’ is ignored you end up stuck with a kid and it is very irritating.

But still a minority of people keep insisting that it is our ‘fault’ because we are in a children’s area. I know there is a bit of a trend for hands off parenting sometimes but seriously, who is going to not go in a pool with a baby? Is anyone going to say to an 18 month old to push herself on the swings?

Then there’s the ‘it’s no big deal’ posters. Yes, it is. People are saying it has stopped them and their children from enjoying days out and holidays and sometimes even impeded on time spent in own gardens. Read the room.

Then there’s still the super sarcastic minority who still keep thinking this is about children of a similar age who befriend one another, when it is clear (I think) that it’s about kids who demand the attention of the adult(s) to the point where it is difficult to interact properly with your own child(ren).

I’m sure I’ll look in in a few hours and it will still be my fault for having the tenacity to supervise my toddler in the toddler area!

No one in the park should talk to me and everyone on the Internet should agree with me.

OP if you only wanted people who agree with you to validate your opinion you should have said so.