To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

I haven't RTFT but I totally get where you're coming from OP. Although I wouldn't wish a moment of hurt or unhappiness on any child, I'm not exactly a natural when it comes to talking to children. And yet I must look like a soft touch or something because I used to end up with a small chatty child in front of me everywhere I went! My DC are 15 and almost 11, so it doesn't really happen now and yet, to be fair, I would be more than happy to chat to an older child - it's the wee ones I struggle with. That 4-8 sort of age group. I would never be rude to them, but God I have wished fervently for them to just clear off so many times!

But you can just say "that's lovely but I can't play/watch/chat right now, I'm busy". And then ignore. Like in the swimming pool example and the soft play examples above, neither of you were actually responsible for those kids, there was no onus on you. It also role models to your kids how to politely say no, I don't want to play thanks.

I get that it's a bit annoying and you'd rather not be having to deal with it, but that's just being in a public place and having other people around. Same as dealing with (for eg) an older person at the bus stop who chats about the weather when you're not in the mood for a chat. You can draw a boundary while still being pleasant.

🤣🤣🤣

Former preschool teacher. Former nanny. Obviously no issues spending time with other people’s children, but what you described drives me nuts too.

When a child wants to play WITH us, I don’t have an issue engaging with them, but I get very annoyed when a child is drawing my attention away from the child(ren) I am with.

I understand they see me engaging with my kids (or my charges) and as they are not being engaged by their caregiver they want that too. I speak to them as though my child and I are a unit though.

“I can go really high on the swing. Watch me!” “I bet you can, but we’re climbing and sliding right now.” “Well, I want to swing.” “Ok, you can go swing but we’re going to play here.” “But I want to show you.” “DC wants to do this and I’m his momma/nanny/here with him today, so I’m going to play here too. You can play with us, but we’re staying here.” Some choose to, some move on.

And sure, it’s nice for friends and playmates to take turns choosing activities, but I don’t teach that kids are automatically friends because they are in the same place at the same time so I don’t expect my child to do their activity after they do ours. Being kind and being friends are different things. (If my child decides to be their friend for the day, that’s different and I will expect him to treat them as such.)

Hopefully there's room on the miserable bench with op 🤣

It depends on the age ime. Toddlers will often happily ignore you, but at 4/5, lots of kids are little attention sponges. It doesn't matter how much adult attention you give them, they are always eager for more. It might have to do with the transition to school, but it's definitely something I've noticed. My 5yo's friends are always bringing things to show me or wanting to chat, and they have very present parents.

Some parents engage with their children and some are lazy and sit scrolling on their phones whilst the kids run riot/join other families who are having fun. I feel for the kids to be honest. Some are in between and do a bit of both.

You will find it everywhere though, at the park, soft play, at the beach, on holiday in the pool or generally, etc. I know what you mean though, the number of times I've been at soft play or at the beach and kids come and join us digging and building, join in with the game etc. Ex SIL on holiday at water park just sunbathed the entire day and the rest of us had her kids joining us on the slides, in the water, lazy river etc, they begged her to join in but 'nope, I wanna get a tan'. Sad really and never went on holiday with her again. Good to take turns to have a break but some want one long break (why have kids?).

OP, I’m not trying to be silly here.

Do you dress like a children’s tv presenter? Bright colours etc …. If so, it may explain why kids want to talk to you.

Out of interest OP, what part of the country are you in? My SIL and I noticed on a recent holiday that all the kids who came up and started chatting randomly to us in the swimming pool or the games area or the buffet (and it happened a lot) were from the North of England- Manchester, Yorkshire, Liverpool accents.

Our own kids (SW and London) would rather stick pins in their eyes than strike up conversation with a random adult stranger. I am not saying that paints us or our kids in a good light, it’s just an observation.

Bloody hell a child tried to play with your child?!?!

I get why you are frustrated but its completely unreasonable to be rude.

Firm yes. Rude no

If you are not prepared to tell them off / ask them to leave / ask someone else to deal with then your problem is never going to end.

@thebloodycatwontstopmeowing sigh. No.

Some children can be very persistent with demanding attention from you. Today, for instance, I was talking to eldest while on the swings and I pretended I didn’t hear the first two ‘I can climb up there, I can go down the slide’ comments but then it persisted. I said reasonably nicely something like ‘that’s nice but I am here with my children.’ Carried on, ignored, attempt to grab my toddler off the slide (this is a slide in the toddler bit of the playground for those who have decided I am the exhibitionist running around soft plays) told firmly not to do that, started wittering on about how he could climb up the climbing frame. All the time my own children are trying to talk to me. Steering away ‘that’s lovely but I think you need to tell your own mum that’ and such comments go unnoticed.

I don’t dress like a TV presenter and there is nothing remarkable about me at all. It is just a Thing sometimes. There are enough comments here to confirm this!

I do honestly think it’s one of ‘those’ threads - most people understand immediately but there are a minority of posters who I think encourage their children to do this and take exception to the fact that not everyone enjoys it, so tell themselves it’s miserable adults / it’s horrible adults monopolising soft play with performance parenting / it is only children making friends. It does like I say make the thread unnecessarily argumentative. If you’ve made that choice as a parent, own it, but accept not everyone is going to be thrilled by it. I find it quite exhausting!

That's really interesting. I think you're on to something. I definitely notice this in Northern areas.

@Fandabedodgy but it should not be my role. Think about it - I usher them out, they don’t go. I can’t leave my kids unattended as too young so I then have to gather my children, find a member of staff, report the stray children and then go back to playing - and people honestly think this is fair?

Op, declaring that anyone who doesn't agree with you must be a parent who doesn't engage with their kids doesn't unilaterally prove your point.

I stay with my child when we're out. He doesn't try to talk to other parents and we don't have other kids come over looking for attention either.

You can keep repeating that as much as you like but you are not going to change the culture of soft play the length and breadth of the country.

What about telling them off or telling them to leave the small kiddy area? Are you willing to give that a go?

Are you to you quite an animated person ?
Sometimes kids are attracted to that maybe .. like you are looking like uou are having fun so they want to join ?
i used to get this a lot too. Especially from kids with parents who were on their phones .. they just want attention . For eg
in a pub garden , chatting and laughing with my dh .. a child whose both parents were on their phones just came and stared at us . It seemed to me he was bored and just wanted fun . i know we all need time out , but the parents seemed to want the pub goers to be a baby sitter .

OP I completely get it. It happens to me all the time & it is so annoying especially because the ones that do it are persistent little pests. Never a parent in sight. In a pool on holidays I asked a child who kept trying to take my baby from my arms where their parent was & they said over there relaxing. I know older kids are fine with a bit more freedom but surely when you see them pestering small kids you call them back.
Maybe if people haven't experienced it they don't realise how annoying it is & think we are awful people for not enjoying the overbearing company of other people's children

OP could wear a lanyard. You fifteen have to talk to anyone as long as they or their parents can read. Just ignore and they'll read your card: "Please don't talk to me" or something.

I'm not being funny, incase it comes across that way. It's a genuine suggestion.

I hear all that @Newmum110 . I genuinely don’t know if it’s people not understanding or people not wanting to understand as they know their kids do it but don’t want to admit it is actually really not pleasant for the people on the receiving end.

*don't even. Not fifteen! Edit button please

Any reason you aren’t answering my question about location OP?

Because of course it couldn’t be third option: people understand and are happy to understand your point and just disagree with you.

It’s fine to disagree but when people start deciding that fictitious scenarios happened you do tend to suspect there’s a bit of an agenda at work!