To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

@AWholeExtraRoom . This is in the children's play area. Where children are meant to be playing. Their space.

I don't take my child to adult-centered venues and let them breach the codes of conduct in place there. If children are in adult spaces, they need to comply with adult rules.

I'm afraid I think the opposite applies as well. Adults in children's spaces need to comply with the rules and expectations that govern those spaces. If you voluntarily enter children's spaces, you can't just impose your own rules and get annoyed at normal child behaviour.

Thi happens a lot with DH, as he's always playing imaginative games with our dc and he's too kind to say no to other kids who want to join in (who always look on enviously in surprise at an actual adult paying attention to their own child). I do play with dcs too, but I'm less good at the imaginative play, and don't encourage other dc to join in, so they tend not to come up to us of it's just me with the dc. I don't make eye contact or respond to them, and they go away eventually.

@FoxLark . We always chatted to children like yours and they would often join my toddler's games.

Bless you, my DC who has ADHD is like this. They just run at 100mph, have lots of thoughts in their head and love talking to people. I do keep an eye on them and try to not let them bother people but sometimes it's just not possible to get in early enough (especially if they are deep in soft play) and I hate the thought of someone being rude to them, gently redirecting is absolutely fine but some of the responses on here are just horrid.

@MiddleParking there are some self confessed parents on here who are happy for their children to intrude. A minority, but still. I haven’t once said I think parents of older children are lazy or awful, in fact I’ve said a few times I’m not unsympathetic to the fact it can be easy to miss stuff. It’s those who see what’s happening and either ignore it or encourage it that are a source of annoyance.

@Brieandcran Sometimes it's best not respond to certain people anymore, they will try twist what u are pointing out and you will end up just going back and forth with them.

A child speaking to someone in a soft play is “intrusion”?

What a world.

I think YABU to be rude to anyone trying to speak to you. Child or adult. There's no need.

It's fine to exchange a few polite sentences and then tell them firmly but kindly that you are busy.

Do remember that it is likely that your child will one day go talk to someone and think about how you would like them to respond. While you are a softplay baby sitting service, you are in en environment for children and then (1) don't know the rules of social engagement and (2) they learn those rules by, well, engaging.

My DD was super chatty and social. We did keep an eye on her and distract her if she seemed to latch on to someone. But I always thought it was lovely when people bothered to engage a bit with her. She absolutely thrived off it.

My point has proven @Brieandcran

Totally agree 😐

While you are not a baby sitting service that should say, of course

I haven't spotted any posters that have said that they ignore or encourage their kids to do that. But there are plenty of us on here that don't see it as an intrusion in the same way that you do (that doesn't mean that my kids have ever done it though- they haven't as they like playing with other kids rather than adults).

Sure, other people (kids and adults) can be annoying but this particular issue wouldn't cause me annoyance. If it did to the extent that I found myself being rude to a child then I'd probably just not go again.

parents on here who are happy for their children to intrude.

No twisting. Just a direct quote.

That's not what the poster is stating, you didn't read the orginal thread did you?

There was a woman at our playground the other day. She started blowing bubbles for her daughter and, when the other children inevitably started playing in them, she got very upset, put the bubbles away and left.

😂

@mewkins the thing is that there are loads of us who have said this has happened: while the posts aren’t identical they are similar enough in their overall sort of essence. Yet there are some people who just keep coming back and insisting that this either doesn’t happen, or if it does it is because of the parent doing something ‘wrong’ - supervising children (even when the child in question is a baby!) or being too ostentatious in some way.

I think we all understand children are children. For my part, any annoyance I might feel tends to turn very quickly to sympathy when a clearly harassed woman - always a woman, funny that - comes over with ‘oh god sorry, Sophie, leave that little girl alone, come on!’ And we do that British thing of ‘oh it’s fine!’ even if it had been annoying. But that’s very different to a parent just completely ignoring their child or worse smiling over while you are given the default parent position - and those who say you don’t have to, if they are grabbing your child, helping themselves to your things or whatever, you do.

There’s another thread? No I haven’t seen that. Could you link it please?

Well OP's name is Brieandcran. All very fitting 😁

Also, this is a direct quote from OP

parents on here who are happy for their children to intrude

so…

You're not scary enough OP. Practice your resting bitch face. And your "about to rip your head off" witch face. Little buggers will soon learn to stay away.

Intruding at softplay?

Sorry, agree to disagree. We're not talking about a child simply speaking to an adult; we're taking about a child continuing to follow a particular adult around (despite being told nicely to go and find their own grown-up) while that adult is very properly supervising her own small child in the designated tiny-person area.

As it happens, I wouldn't teach my children that there is any particular space in the world where it is OK to be actively annoying to adults because good manners are important everywhere and the adults in question won't compartmentalise their opinion of my children because of the setting in which they annoyed them. And since good manners in my children are ultimately for my own children's benefit, in my eyes, that won't work!

Good luck to you and yours!

@GrinAndVomit Yes a direct quote but once again being used out of context. No one is saying that a child talking to you is intruding. What many ARE saying, repeatedly, is that its the children who won't leave you alone after you have engaged with them AND who expect your full attention at the cost of your own child that is intruding. Its really tiring that people keep missing that very important point being made over and over again. I like children, I like talking to children, I do not like being stopped from talking to my own child by one who keeps interrupting and insisting my attention is on them THE WHOLE TIME. Its really not difficult to understand why that wouldn't be nice is it and why it is different to just engaging with children around you?

I would be really upset to hear other parents being rude to him just because he wants to have a chat

Op did say in her OP that she doesn’t want to unpleasant to kids. Her idea of rudeness is to say ‘not now, go and find your mummy’.

That’s not rude, it’s just direct and as people upthread have said, kids need direct instructions, hints don’t work on them.

I’m sorry that makes you sad but OP isn’t obliged to talk to kids if she doesn’t want to.

You spelt "exist" wrong.