To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

I get it's annoying but there isn't anything you can do to stop it happening apart from just walking away from them with your child.

And there is no way I’d watch my child being pushed or hurt and just shrug and say oh well, it’s a place for kids, what can you do.

It is soft play, not Lord of the Flies.

Most people would agree that ideally parents would be keeping an eye out. But my memories of soft play are that parents studiously ignore their own kids while downing copious amounts of caffeine 😄

Saying “won’t leave while their parent ignores them” is operating on a false premise. People aren’t ‘ignoring’ their children by letting them play without intervention in a space designed for them to do so and you’re no better a parent than anyone else there. There is no onus on any child to leave a children’s play area, nor for their parents to make them do so, to avoid annoying an adult who’s willingly entered it.

@MiddleParking Sorry I am not sure what you mean? Are you referring to the fact that they can afford it because lots of people go? If so, looking past the fact that you don't pay to go to a park anyway and just at the soft play, I think they have the funds because children enjoy going. And not once have I ever gone and huffed that there are other kids dare to be there! Nor would I expect to be treated like a celebrity and have no one make eye contact with me or speak. I'm happy to talk to kids, briefly, to acknowledge them or to be friendly to them, to show my daughter how clever that little girl is at whatever she want to show me, once or twice even. But what everyone seems to be skipping past, despite it being mentioned SEVERAL times by the OP, is that these interactions are not what bothers us. It's the kids that latch on and won't leave you alone. That expect you to ignore your own child and talk non stop to them, that take things off your child because they want you to talk to them instead. That have no there adult remotely watching them and want attention so expect it from you constantly.

Something about soft play makes them ferral. Where I am the SPs are all massive and at least 3 levels high so it's impossible to watch them closely unless you're prepared to get wedged in a tunnel by a 7 year old.

I think that’s what we’re saying. I’ve no issue with a sit down with a coffee and am in fact rather looking forward to that stage, but keep a vague sort of eye, at least.

@MiddleParking No people aren't ignoring them by letting them play, they are ignoring them if their child is obviously in want of attention so badly they are attaching themselves to others. They are ignoring them if their child is doing do and at no point do they go up to them and try and steer them away from following the same person around gor ages

@Brieandcran . I'm not trying to get at you in particular, I simply don't agree with you.

You've said a lot about how annoying detached and 'lazy' parents of older children are, but I'm not sure you appreciate how irritating they find helicoptering and shadowing parents of tinies who are always wincing at what is often normal older child behaviour and who their children seem attracted to like flies. The reality is of course that both groups have to coexist and share the same space, and of course the two groups overlap somewhat when you have more than one child.

Perhaps things are different in the part of the country you live in, but round here playgrounds are very much communal play spaces. Children go there to play together. There is an expectation of interaction. Parents are on the sidelines and any who enter the fray are fair game. That's just how the kids see it.

And when my older DC was younger, I followed them round just like you do yours and I was often accosted by older children, which could sometimes be annoying, but that was just part and parcel of being an adult in a child's space. It comes with the territory. I didn't expect the parents of older children to be on the lookout the whole time, constantly watching and admonishing their playing children on the off-chance that they were being annoying to me. At a certain age, you expect kids to have a go at sorting things out for themselves and you're not going to interfere just because there's a random adult who might be inconvenienced, when that adult could use their voice and say "excuse me, we'd like to play alone right now". You're on the lookout for unacceptable behaviour from your own children yes, but that is generally restricted to hitting, shoving, pushing, anything obviously dangerous and anything that reeks of bullying, exclusion or blocking other kids from the play equipment.

And interacting with older children was a good chance to teach my child how to introduce themselves to other children and ask them if they wanted to play, so my child learnt to do that going forward. If I wanted one-on-one time with my DC, we chose a different activity to the playground, which centres around social interaction and social coexistence.

Yup 🙌🏽

@Goldbar I think that's a really good post. I just think people here are assuming people like the OP hate all children and expect to have no interaction with them and that's not what she is saying I don't think. There is a difference between sitting back and not being overly worried about if your child mildly annoys someone, kids are annoying and my own aren't immune to that, and just going somewhere and not paying any attention to your own kid AT ALL to the point they attach themselves to others. By the fact you mention you keep an eye out for bad behaviour like hitting, means you are not the type of parent we are referring to as presumably you look up from time to time to see where they are and what they are doing. It's the ones who don't care what their kids are up to at all and who have obviously ignored their kids to a point that they are trying to get attention from anyone else. Kids like yours may be a bit annoying briefly but I doubt they follow an adult around the whole time they are there!

This is exactly it @Frazzledmum123

I hate it too OP unless they are really sweet or something. But they rarely are, it's always the awful ones.
Remember being on a hill making a sculpture and several other families were also there, and their bloody children kept coming over and trying to 'help'! I finally finished and went down to get my camera and the little bastards smashed it before I got back.

I completely understand your frustration OP as it happens all the time with me too. Without sounding silly I think children can be drawn to a certain type of energy/when they see you fully interacting with your own child they want that attention too. Without also sounding big headed I think it can also happen more if your younger/youthful energy/pretty/smiley/enthusiastic or encouraging with your own child etc 🤷

It just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, I go to child centric places with my children and other children are there and sometimes they like to have a chat, I don’t see how that can’t ruin your whole day for goodness sake.

When you say a child is wittering on it really shows that you dislike them, they’re just talking and learning how to socialise. One day this will be your child chatting away I’m sure and I hope people are a lot kinder to them than you are.

You've said a lot about how annoying detached and 'lazy' parents of older children are

Nope, not even once. Is it worth me reading the rest of your post or is it just going to once again be filled with things you’ve made up?

Oh I don’t care about what you said about soft play. It was your suggestion that anyone who is not ”child centred” should not be on here giving or receiving parenting advice that was rude.

This happens to me but my oldest is a massive extrovert and loves meeting people and joining in.
We usually end up with lots of little ones around me and my youngest two and the oldest joining another family.

I get it can be annoying and I do call her back but some kids are really sociable and really enjoy being a bit of a social butterfly.

You quoted a post saying “The lazy CF parents are outing themselves with every sentence on this thread. They would rather scroll on their phones than parent their children. It is always the children who are being neglected by their own parents who desperately try to get other adults to engage with them.” and added ‘Yup’.

What?! I didn't say that 😅

This actually makes me really sad 😔 I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and when I take them to soft play/the park I obviously need to supervise the 2 year old more. My 5 year old has suspected ASD and often finds it difficult to pick up on social cues. He seeks out other adults to talk to in soft plays and although I try to keep him with me and supervise him as much as I can, I simply can’t be in 2 places at once. I would be really upset to hear other parents being rude to him just because he wants to have a chat and that you think I’m negligent because I can’t keep him by my side and away from other adults and their children at all times…. We’re not all sitting around drinking coffee and ignoring our kids….have a thought for those who are ND and just want to be sociable!

"You're on the lookout for unacceptable behaviour from your own children yes, but that is generally restricted to hitting, shoving, pushing, anything obviously dangerous and anything that reeks of bullying, exclusion or blocking other kids from the play equipment."

Cripes, my parenting is certainly not restricted to that! I'm very much also on the lookout for bad manners (such as prolonged imposition on other adults...) because it's very important to me that my children have good manners as I think it will make for happier lives.

Child to child interactions need a good dose of autonomy party a certain age for development, I agree, but that does not extend to leaving your children to irritate other adults around them without intervention. Avoidably inconveniencing someone else or making them uncomfortable (particularly for your own, or your children's gain) is the definition of rudeness and likely to make both you and your child very unpopular, with all the attendant subtle but significant social consequences.

I honestly think children are done such a disservice by parents who don't teach their children how to be basically likeable and how not irritate the people (adults especially) around them, but this does appear to be a less common perspective than it used to be.

Ime it was often the ND or slightly different children who wanted to play with my DC or talk to me when he was a toddler. The others often prefer the company of kids their own age and aren't that interested in adults.

Don’t be.
People who go to child-centred places and get annoyed by children daring to converse with them are a much bigger issue than a chatty 5 year old. Xx

Ime it was often the ND or slightly different children who wanted to play with my DC or talk to me when he was a toddler. The others often prefer the company of kids their own age and aren't that interested in adults.

Mine specifically seeks out adults to interact with as do a lot of ND children……I would expect adults to have some tolerance for this…….and to remember that they are after all modelling behaviour for their own child….