To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

Or rather op doesnt want other people’s kids constantly hanging on…
nothing to do with covid
if you go somewhere with your kids, supervise them make sure they aren’t bothering other people!

It's not disastrous. It's what has happened for millennia. It's only this very last generation that seems to constantly need parental input. I have 4 kids ranging from 30 to 13. The 30 year old got to play out all the time, the 13 year old had no one else to play with as they were all stuck with their parents.
Interacting without constant parental input is so important for building healthy relationships, building resilience etc.
OP not aimed at you as you still have a toddler, don't send them out to play on their own yet!

Just because a child speaks to you, does not mean that you are supervising them.

I get this at the park, and I actually enjoy - even encourage my kids to play with other kids. But I do know what you mean, because then you’re not giving your own children the attention they need. I had this with my friend’s son who (bless him) seems to love talking to me after school, and not his mum and my ds7 is just left holding hands and his enthusiasm to tell me about what they did etc gets watered down. I try to keep it happy but quick now and show that I am eagerly waiting/talking to my own ds.

Take it as a compliment too OP. It probably means you look fun, friendly and approachable. Kids are great with natural judgement in situations like this.

If they were engaging or playing with my DC that'd be absolutely fine. It's the desire only to engage with me and get my attention that bugs me (if it's prolonged).

Parents who let their kids wander off and persistently hassle others are as irritating as people who let their dogs jump up at others or nuzzle their belongings.

Not everyone loves your kids/dogs as much as you do. I never let my children do this.

Well on the basis of this thread, these kids with “natural judgement” actually get it wrong. A LOT of the time!

Some people really are definitely missing the point of the thread.

It happened to me the other day. I took my 13 month old to soft play on a weekday. DS is is still not talking, or walking, and definitely too small to be left on his own, so we were together in the under 2s section. A 3/4yo came over and started interacting with us, which was fine, I'm happy to have a chat. Until I happened to do something fun one time and that was it, now she wanted to do that over and over and over again. And I couldn't do it over and over and over again as I was still trying to watch and interact with my much smaller child.

If you have a baby/toddler who is still really too small to interact with other children, especially ones much older who actually want to play pretend or show you a 'skill' or whatever, then yes this is draining. If another 13mo wanted to crawl around in the under 2s ball pit and babble at me and my son then cool I'd have absolutely no problem with it.

It's the mismatch between ages, and the fact that small children need watching. When mine is older and another 3/4 yo comes up for a chat then yeah crack on guys, have a good one. But right now I'm not up for doing fun things with your older child because I'm trying to do fun things with mine literally just make sure DS is safe.

She’s clearly not very fun, friendly or approachable

Maybe you should read the posts properly. This is about the kids talking to the OP. Not her kids.

My DH gets this a lot. He plays with our children and other children often will want to get involved. Usually he is fine with it but I’ve heard him say similar things to me.

I’ve always just smiled and ignored the other children if I don’t want to engage.

I am

just not to 4 year olds think god!!

Yeah I'm done communicating with people like that, clearly they find it difficult to comprehend

Something like "wow that's brilliant have you done the X and could you show/help my little one" and encourage your child to get involved if they're similar age then try and let them engage with each other. If they become too much "thank you for playing with us, we need to go and get a drink now, bye" go for a break and choose a different bit of play equipment. If the parents aren't helping usually something like "I'm sorry but X is getting a little overwhelmed so we need a few minutes to ourselves" then if that doesn't work find the parents and say "it is really lovely they want to play but just wanted to let you know my child is a bit overwhelmed so please don't think us rude but we are going to play on something else for a few quiet minutes".
I agree it's lovely to have children play together and to a point you don't mind them being with you but it isn't nice when people use you as a free babysitter and they aren't interested at all. X

@mainsfed Other women don’t exist to mother your children. Parent your own kids. I bet you’re one of the ones who sits with her coffee and phone and expects other people to watch your kids.

Exactly some people on here ethier lack comprehending skills or didn't actually read the OP's thread

This 🙌🏽

Nice summary. I have to admit I did especially enjoy people saying you should be sat on a bench while your 20 month plays in the park by their self (for example getting on and off swings…yes👍🏽) because you’ll be clogging up the park as an adult while supervising your under 2. Either people haven’t read your post properly or they’re mad. Or lazy parents. It’s given me a laugh anyway.

Also people saying you’re making a spectacle of yourself. 🤣 Keep doing what you’re doing with your kids as you’re obviously fun enough to attract other kids. It’s the other kids I feel sorry for.

And I should be, right?

There is definitely an agenda at play here!

I agree.

OP, YANBU.

I took my 3rd daughter, aged 11 to a gold class movie recently. (Is that a thing in the UK? We’re in Australia. It’s bigger seats and the option of food and drink brought in to you.). It was a treat for her and she’d been looking forward to it.

We were sitting down in the lounge area, choosing our food and having a drink. There were a few other families sitting around little tables. One was a couple who were sitting on high stools, having a drink while their daughter who looked about 5 roamed around. The little girl went up to every other group, including ours, interrupting conversations, trying to share other families’ food.

It was annoying, especially as her parents pretty much ignored her. Most of the time, attention-seeking children are only endearing to their own parents.

OP, I get this too- mostly at the small soft play by us and more so when my DD was a small toddler! I’ve had children constantly asking me questions and making up games and trying to involve me! I just ignore them after a while and hope they go away or go over to my DD and just focus on her. It’s really irritating though, I’ve had kids try and hug her constantly, touch her teeth(?) and one older girl was chewing my ear off and trying to take my DDs snacks whilst the parents were looking on and smiling like it was really cute. It’s not, it’s annoying!

Thank god that you’re rude to kids?

What on earth has speech delay got to do with needing watching more closely?

Are you to you quite an animated person ?
Sometimes kids are attracted to that maybe .. like you are looking like uou are having fun so they want to join ?

I think it must be this!

I get it OP. I get this a lot too (my DC are older now & I still get it when I'm out & about).

I'm no help to you tho, as I really like the interaction. I enjoyed being around small children when mine were small too, and I still enjoy interacting with them.

I'm not invalidating that for you it's not something you enjoy but I'm not sure how you stop it, you're clearly a warm & approachable person, or they wouldn't be coming up to you!