To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

My kid was that kid that was always off chatting with other families! I was always there watching & supervising, but he's just always been a happy, sociable kid whose main enjoyment is meeting new people!

I always kept an eye out, especially as he could pick up mention of snacks & ice cream from a mile off & sit himself down expectantly with random families (he was around 3), & for any signs of obvious irritation, but I generally only had really positive interaction with other parents.

I'd have hated to tell him his friendliness wasn't welcomed, & trying to limit him to playing with just me would have been impossible. He's now a very confident, self assured 9 year old who still loves chatting to everyone he meets!

Sorry but you clearly didn't read the orginal post or can't comprehend that's it's not about children playing with OP children it's about the children wanting to hoover and play with the OP

Yeh- no I did get it. I clearly can’t comprehend how anyone could be so cold towards children wanting to play with ME. They are children ffs. Smile, be friendly, be pleasant. They are children. What is wrong with you

He's now a very confident, self assured 9 year old who still loves chatting to everyone he meets!

So you’ve still not told him his confidence isn’t welcome? You’ve raised a rude child

What's wrong with you? I'm sorry it's hard for you to understand that when you spend with your children you are focused on entertaining them and don't want to be responsible for anyone else's children, it's fine if they want to play with your children but it's annoying when they also want attention from you.

There will always be feral children hanging around, maybe go to a nicer playground further out? The ones the nanny’s go to? They are paid to look after their charges, so they won’t impeach on your quality time with your child.

No need to apologise. Yeh I do find it hard to understand as when I’m playing with my child and another child comes over to play I want to teach my child to be sociable and friendly and to be cold and not to exclude people and also I wouldn’t have the heart to turn a friendly child away who just wanted to play. I would encourage them playing together. Children amuse themselves too you are not the sole entertainment it is not work for you- just let them play and keep it friendly.

*not to be cold

Yes, this.

Yeah OP don't interact with your own children in public if you don't want random children to demand your attention. And teach your children that other people's children are more important than they are, so they need to "be kind" and play with those other children who don't even want to play with your children. 🙄

That's basically it.

Parks and softplays are shared spaces. It's normal to chat to others.

The OP wants to wander round in a serene little bubble, treating people like rocks and turning her nose up at children.

I suspect this attitude has a lot to do with covid, lockdowns and increasing social isolation.

It's certainly not normal for human beings to act like this.

Good for you, he sounds lovely

That's a really horrible example you're showing your kids

This.

It's something you're doing. Because I have DTwins, and between me and the two of them, we pick up lots of interaction with random children on a trip to the park, or soft play.

And it really takes no more than a brief acknowledgement, then just ignore them, for them to get bored of the lack of attention and wander off. And on the very very rare occasions said child doesn't leave, a warm but direct, "ok, I need to do some work now (pull out phone) so you need to go and find your mummy instead" does the job.

They can only interact if you interact back. You're giving them too much attention.

🎶 cry me a riiveer.... 🎶

You clearly are not understanding, it's not about the children playing together, the op experienced other children wanting op attention and to be entertained by op when that isn't her duty to do... What part of that is hard for you to comprehend?

Why do you feel like a kid talking to you means you automatically are now supervising that kid? A kid talking to you isn't rude. And it certainly doesn't mean they aren't being supervised. It's just means there a social person. Would you consider it rude if an adult struck up a conversation with you whilst in the park? I don't know, going to the park for 'quiet time', taking such a huge issue with being spoken to, assuming that saying a word to a kid means you're now personally responsible. It's all a bit strange tbh 🤔 I'd just assume they wanted to play with my kid and ask them if they did. Both kids make a park friend, and if it's a local like ours, it's probably someone they go to school with, so bonus new school friends too 🤷‍♀️ Seems like your kid is watching you and learning how not to make friends tbh 😔

What part of that is hard for you to comprehend?

Well I’m going to guess - all of it?

So many people lack comprehension skills on here it’s annoying.

Am I alone in this? 😳 😂

Other women don’t exist to mother your children. Parent your own kids. I bet you’re one of the ones who sits with her coffee and phone and expects other people to watch your kids.

Your honesty is refreshing 😂

I doubt you’re alone

Are you someone who leaves their kids to bother other people? As i cant understand why you seem to be attacking the op/others/taking it personally?

i also hate this op.
im very nice to other kids, but i want to concentrate on the kids I'm with! (Especially as most likely they may end up hurt, very accident prone)

How have you missed my point again? If a friendly child wanted to play with me OR my child I wouldn’t be so cold hearted and miserable as to turn them away and not engage with me OR my child.

We also had a kid latch onto us on holiday going on endlessly about steam trains - both DH and I told him to go back to his parents please but he just wouldn’t and short of standing up and yelling WHO’S CHILD IS THIS you end up stuck with them!

I think under the circumstances, it would have been fair enough to do this. I would just stop engaging with persistent kids once you've explained you need to concentrate on your own DC now. FWIW, I regularly do similar with adults at work, who will happily yap onto me for hours if I let them. I'm polite to begin with, but if they're talking at me, rather than to me, I zone out after a few minutes and make my excuses.

Also get this.

I think it's because I'm always quite actively engaged because mine is too young to be left to play in soft play alone (and in any case insists I play), and other kids see this and want to join in.

It really aggravates me when they latch on for ages and has happened to me MANY times, so it definitely does happen to some parents.

One little girl would just not stop talking to me and I could barely focus on my own child. "Look at me! Look how high I can jump! I can jump higher than THAT, look! Look! No, don't watch DC, watch me, I can do it best!" Then tapping my shoulder whenever my attention returned to DC. I was so bloody irritated tbh. I told her I was playing with DC right now and why doesn't she find her mummy/friends, but besides finding her parents myself there was nothing I could do.

I never let my child do this to other people and if they're doing anything more than a brief and polite hello and chat to someone for about 30 seconds I'll move them on because tbh no one wants to be someone else's unpaid children's entertainer/nanny.

Also bugs me how people let their kids turn around and stare/talk to you in a restaurant when you're eating. Bloody ridiculous. Like they're scared of even correcting their kid.