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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on teacher’s comment

133 replies

RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 11:54

was at a kids birthday party over the weekend and a random child I’ve never spoken to (or his parents) and who is not a particular from of my DD came up to me and said that everyone knows DD does no work in class. DD is probably ADHD (as I am) so it’s not a surprise to me, but it was a surprise that he knew this when he doesn’t sit next to her. Or even on the same table.

He went on to explain that DD had offered to take some work home to complete it to the teacher but the teacher had said ‘you only want to do that so your mum can do it for you!’ And I’m stunned. I’m a secondary school teacher, which the class teacher knows, so a little professional courtesy wouldn’t go amiss here but also why is this being announced to the whole class?

DD doesn’t say much about school but I asked her this and she agreed it was said.

She’s year 3. AIBU to think you don’t say things like this to the class at general? AIBU to be pissed off that my daughter’s difficulties are broadcast like this? Is it a safeguarding issue do you think?

Not bashing teachers because I believe in supporting my colleagues but feel this particular one has stepped out of line.

OP posts:
Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 11:54

Should read ‘not a particular friend of my DD’s’

OP posts:
Daisiesandprimroses · 27/06/2023 11:55

Do you do her homework for her?

BeCruelToBeKind · 27/06/2023 11:56

You’re taking the word of a child.
No, it’s not a safeguarding issue even if it is true that is what’s said.

InTheGardenShed · 27/06/2023 11:56

You are taking the word of a year 3 kid as gospel??

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 11:56

Nope, never. As I said I’m a teacher, professionally I know that doing that would not be much help to her!

OP posts:
Dotjones · 27/06/2023 11:56

The most likely thing is they are lying, they're children.

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 11:57

InTheGardenShed · 27/06/2023 11:56

You are taking the word of a year 3 kid as gospel??

Two year 3 kids.

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/06/2023 11:57

Give your best and the teacher benefit of the doubt.

I'd definitely pop the teacher and email or have an in person conversation. Don't be accusatory, just explain what happened.

pinksquash13 · 27/06/2023 11:57

Doesn't sound great but you definitely can't rely on year 3s to interpret and then report a situation accurately. Perhaps it was a joke or maybe it has been entirely misquoted. You could speak to the teacher about it. I personally wouldn't. Not a safeguarding issue.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/06/2023 11:58

DC*

Quinoawoman · 27/06/2023 11:58

So as a teacher, even though you don't want to teacher bash, you have chosen to do just that on AIBU?

Just speak to the teacher like a normal person.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/06/2023 11:59

(a) Little kids are more perceptible and smarter than you think. They will notice things about other kids such as "doing no work in class".

(b) The teacher most likely did not say that but it was the little boy himself thought but he said the teacher said it to deflect it from himself and give it more importance.

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 11:59

Dotjones · 27/06/2023 11:56

The most likely thing is they are lying, they're children.

As I said, I’m in the profession, I know kids lie!

but this kid said it to me out of nowhere not within DD’s hearing and I later confirmed it with her when home and away from the party.

she would have no reason to lie, as she had no idea that there was anything wrong with the teacher saying that.

OP posts:
lilyboleyn · 27/06/2023 11:59

Depends if the teacher was trying to have a joke with the kid. Difference between said horribly and said in jest. And remember children can sometimes misinterpret comments that were meant lightly..

BiscuitsandPuffin · 27/06/2023 11:59

This definitely sounds like the sort of "out of the mouths of babes" comment, what reason would the child have for lying about this and it doesn't sound like the sort of thing a child would come up with at that age. I'd maybe speak to the teacher about it all. If some other posters are right and this seven year old genuinely speaks about his classmates like a thirtysomething cynical teacher (rather than having repeated what he's heard an adult say), then the teacher can address the lying with the child.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/06/2023 12:00

agggh PerceptIVE

Dreamer8 · 27/06/2023 12:01

The comments you're getting on here are typical MN comments. Doesn't surprise me.

I wouldnt be happy if I'd have known that had been said to my child. I wouldnt care that the child who sits on a different desk knows she doesn't do work, because talk travels around a class so that's normal. But the teachers comment isn't normal. I dont think it's a safeguarding issue, I think its something I'd be speaking to the teacher about though for sure.

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 12:01

Quinoawoman · 27/06/2023 11:58

So as a teacher, even though you don't want to teacher bash, you have chosen to do just that on AIBU?

Just speak to the teacher like a normal person.

When did I imply I wasn’t a normal person and wouldn’t talk to the teacher?

I wanted other people’s opinions.

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 27/06/2023 12:03

I really wouldn't give it a second thought. (Also a teacher) whether it was true or not. I would however be telling DD to get her rear in gear and do some work.

I'm assuming you don't "help" your DD too much with her work.... tbh it's not an unreasonable assumption if she does no work in class but homework comes in complete.

ADHD or not DD should be trying to work in class

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 12:03

BiscuitsandPuffin · 27/06/2023 11:59

This definitely sounds like the sort of "out of the mouths of babes" comment, what reason would the child have for lying about this and it doesn't sound like the sort of thing a child would come up with at that age. I'd maybe speak to the teacher about it all. If some other posters are right and this seven year old genuinely speaks about his classmates like a thirtysomething cynical teacher (rather than having repeated what he's heard an adult say), then the teacher can address the lying with the child.

Thank you - perfectly said!

OP posts:
Original poster
RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 12:05

Icedlatteplease · 27/06/2023 12:03

I really wouldn't give it a second thought. (Also a teacher) whether it was true or not. I would however be telling DD to get her rear in gear and do some work.

I'm assuming you don't "help" your DD too much with her work.... tbh it's not an unreasonable assumption if she does no work in class but homework comes in complete.

ADHD or not DD should be trying to work in class

Absolutely and that is what I’ve said to her repeatedly. But also it needs to be considered that she does have it.

she never does bring work home. We have spelling and times tables etc which I help her with my nothing I could do for her anyway!

OP posts:
Quinoawoman · 27/06/2023 12:07

So you would be perfectly happy if a parent of one of your students came on MN to report what you may/may not have said in a sensational way, before even checking if it was true, so that complete strangers could comment? As a teacher you should know that IF TRUE it would not be acceptable but would not be a safeguarding issue.

WeWereInParis · 27/06/2023 12:07

I’m a secondary school teacher, which the class teacher knows, so a little professional courtesy wouldn’t go amiss here but also why is this being announced to the whole class?

I don't see how it's relevant that you're a teacher, that surely shouldn't change how your DD's teacher interacts with her.
But yes, speak to the teacher about it.

Gerrataere · 27/06/2023 12:07

@RexMyDarling

I’m actually going to go against the grain, I’d try to get to the bottom of it. People with adhd take things to heart and if he said that it may likely play on her mind for a while. I’d be concerned for her, she probably already knows she’s not coping as well as other children, and other kids are certainly seeing it if they’re coming randomly up to you to point out what’s happening in class. I’d raise it in an email (CC the SENCO),

’X is feeling very overwhelmed by the fact she’s not reaching her potential in Mr Y’s class. From what I understand, she offered to do extra homework but she was given the impression that Mr Y thought I would do it for her. I would like to assure the school I keep my professional life as a teacher and my parenting life separate. We all wish to support X in her struggles and ongoing investigations into whether she has ADHD. I would be happy to speak further about actions we can take so X can meet the same standards of class work as her peers.’.

Quinoawoman · 27/06/2023 12:08

RexMyDarling · 27/06/2023 12:05

Absolutely and that is what I’ve said to her repeatedly. But also it needs to be considered that she does have it.

she never does bring work home. We have spelling and times tables etc which I help her with my nothing I could do for her anyway!

Show quote history

But she doesn't definitely have ADHD. In your OP you just said probably.